Aibu to think you don't shout at other people's children

I'd have told him off quite sharply with a raised voice, as you should have done but actually shouting at a 2 year old is pointless. As you say, it just escalates things because they don't understand. They're two. If he was 4 or 5, I'd be on the friends side but he's just a baby still, they don't get it.

I'd definitely shout at a child hurting an animal if parents not intervening very quickly.

Completely different scenario to the OPs one though.

I’ve definitely shouted at other people’s children. One was terrorising a duck, (parents nowhere in sight), the other tried to punch my DD in the face at a soft play area. Not the same situation but in public for general safety/animal abuse I don’t think that wrong.

I’m going to admit to shouting at children. I witnessed two kids (12-13?) piggy-backing on an electric scooter through a crowded pavement. They ploughed straight into an elderly couple, knocking the woman down, and she hit her head on the pavement. I’ve never shouted at kids who weren’t mine, but I gave these two an earful. Electric scooters are illegal in England (unless part of a city rental scheme similar to Boris Bikes, which we don’t have here).

Hmm. Now I’ve read this, I’m wondering if your child is more of a pain than you realise. Because this is an incredibly OTT reaction on your part.

An adult should be able to regulate themself better and not still be sulking about it for days after.

Not at a 2yr old, but I have had to yell “don’t you dare!” At older kids in softplay when they went to shove my DD or push her. As long as someone’s kid isn’t doing something/about to do something to mine I don’t care.

However if someone was in my house with a 2yr old who just chucked a cup at the wall I would expect the parent to immediately step in and tell them it’s not on. It’s how they learn the rules, we have to actually tell them. If the parent didn’t do anything then I would tell them, but I wouldn’t yell at them. A firm “you do not throw things in my house” would be received though.

Sorry hadn’t read the whole thread, you told him off and clarified your expectations. What you did was fine imo.

Not knee jerk if she’s still mad about it now (sounds like she is, from what OP said).

I've shouted at random kids (don't know whose they were, don't care) when I've seen them harassing animals and will do so again. Probably one of the few scenarios I'll stick my nose in.

If I was the OP's friend I'd have expected the OP to tell her son off, or do whatever was necessary to stop him wreaking havoc on my house. But I probably wouldn't have taken it upon myself to shout at him when his mum was right there. If I felt the OP was being a bit too lax I would've just seethed quietly then not invited them back.

Agree!

I rarely even shout at my own kids, let alone others! That doesn’t mean I don’t correct them. Shouting is rarely necessary, I mainly shout if something’s dangerous eg ‘STOP!’ [don’t cross, a car is coming]

Good heavens, this seems very over the top.

I think some people's hatred for what they think of as "gentle parenting" on here has clouded the fact that OP hasn't said she is a) a gentle parent and b) her child has just turned two! c) OP was right there are dealing with it

The OP said No firmly and she was parenting by removing the item before he could throw it again. Then before she could do anything else, like maybe take her child out the room to talk to them, her friend made the situation worse by yelling.

You can parent effectively without it being a competition to see how horrible you can be to a small child who has limited impulse control. You can and should label behaviours bad but not the child as "bad". OP was clearly in the middle of trying to parent and her friend just took over. I suspect there is a bit of a power imbalance in this friendship where the friend with the big shiny new house feels entitled to make her single mum friend feel bad or inadequate when she's clearly trying to parent her best, as we all are.

I wouldn't yell but I'd probably be shocked and tell him off (fairly gently).

I think it was a knee jerk reaction. Your child threw the water , and she reacted.

I used to feel a bit affronted if anyone told my kids off but eventually appreciated the help. It's good for kids to hear what's acceptable and what's not from a variety of sources.

He sound mad. Although I'm pretty sure I've shouted/called "hey stop that" at other people's kids before during the summer. I live by the sea and kids seem to harass gulls a lot and it's not on.

Sounds like you're not compatible as friends. I couldn't be friends with show home types, luckily I don't tend to attract them 😆 could never relax at their house and wouldn't feel comfortable with them in mine!

Yogurt pot

What is a Yog cup?

Grow up.

Good one!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

All this “that’s not very nice” is just wishy washy language. The same with parents who tell their child who is kicking/hitting/biting some other child that we “use gentle hands.”

Shouting is at one end of the spectrum, and this kind of talk is at the other. There needs to be middle ground. No you don’t have to scream at a child, but they should be absolutely told “no” in no uncertain terms, and yes, they should be told that they’re naughty, and even given consequences such as time out if necessary.

If people read the OP, the friend didn’t respond to the child throwing the cup, the OP took the cup and went to clean up the water, and child continued to scream and shout and attempt to climb out of the high chair, which is probably why the friend shouted.

Should the friend have shouted/ probably not. But is it worth ending a friendship over? Of course it isn’t. Nobody is perfect. And there’s nothing more annoying than someone else’s little brats (because all kids can be brats at times) running riot in your house.

Interestingly I know plenty of parents who become far less tolerant of two year olds once theirs get past that stage. So it’s not just the parents of babies who don’t know better, typically the parents of two year olds are blind to their own child’s behaviour because it’s their child, and once they’ve.outgrown it they realise it’s not that cute after all when they see it in someone else’s child.

Other than emergency situations I can’t see any reason why parents shout at children. If they misbehave give them a consequence. Surely more effective than shouting? In this instance a simple “we don’t throw cups” and removal of the cup would have sufficed. I would have had words with a friend if they spoke to my child like that.

I think you misunderstood me, I meant where exactly where you when an adult was screaming at your child, why where you not physically stood between them and your child telling them to back off?

If my child did this in someone else's place I would have no issue them telling my child off, they would need to know then and there is was wrong they wouldn't remember what I was talking about if I waited till later

especially if whatever my child is doing causes damage or mess

Well, actually, not have entertained such rubbish in the first place.