Aibu to think you don't shout at other people's children

Whatever, I stand by the advice I gave OP and my own comprehension of what she wrote.

You sound like a nice mum, OP. I probably would have - calmly - told off my child and the other mum, since she was acting like a big kid herself.

I wish I’d shouted at the little sod in Kew Gardens some time ago, who was gleefully stamping all over a beautiful bed of scillas. Parents were fondly looking on and saying not a word.
I could hear that they were foreign so that partially deterred me, but I still thing I should have told them that it was unacceptable behaviour.

She's not your friend otherwise her response would've been 'he's only little, it's only water! Don't worry about it!"

She wouldn't see me or my child again if it'd been me...

Best not to invite them until they’re older then.

I’m not making anything up. The OP changes “no reassurance” to “held a grudge” (I can’t see frosty mentioned anywhere) but that’s all, and that’s all subjective.

And I’m using her own words that she used to her son in response to this extremely minor occurrence to suggest that she might just be over-egging this a bit.

I once panic shouted at my SIL's 3 or 4 uear old not to touch the blade that he was reaching for. It worked and avoided an accident but SIL and partner got quite upset and said "We don't shout at him".

I decided then and there I wouldn't intervene again and if their kid ended up with no fingers, that's their lookout.

I raised my DC with the notion that "it takes a village". Very happy for other people to correct him if he's being a nuisance.

How do you know she isn't when the OP expressly said she was? See OP's 3rd post.

I tend to take things at face value on here instead of making up imaginary scenarios that fit a narrative I want to create. She said her friend held a grudge/was frosty after. That's the information I have. So that's what I'm replying to.

Why invent things? You weren't there, neither was i - but it makes far more sense to form a reply based on the information an OP has put forwards.

Guess the difference is between shouting and telling off, wouldn’t do the former but I’ve told off many a child who has been pushing/ punching / generally not nice to grandkids in play areas etc

This is so incredibly over the top that I’m inclined to think she decided you’re not a very effective parent and had had a gutful of your kids behaviour.
It can be really frustrating being around someone who doesn’t correct their small children. I don’t really see much of my sister because her children are feral and aside from a bit of ‘ooh no don’t do that darling’ she does absolutely nothing to correct them and my kids are sick to death of being hit, kicked, bitten, hair pulled, games ruined etc etc.
In your shoes I’d probably take a step back and I think she will likely already be thinking the same.

How are you so sure she’s holding a grudge? The OP merely says she didn’t reassure the OP that it was all fine. Possibly the OP was expecting a response telling her it was all fine, that her friend really does love her and her son and that they are safe with her.

YANBU

she’s only got a baby? Doesn’t understand toddlers yet and she will clearly be different when it’s her turn

The shouting would bother me less, the holding the grudge would get to me.

There's telling a child off and then there's being angry with them. Your friend was angry with your child, hence the frostiness and grudge holding. That's not ok. Throwing a cup of water is unacceptable behaviour but at 2yrs old they are learning that. What grown adult is so precious they can become angry with a 2yr old?

If they'd just shouted but moved on after with kindness - then that's fine.

Chances are their anger was actually at you. Which is either down to a few things

• you're a weak parent and they had a belly full of misbehaviour from your toddler and only a muttering from you to address e.g 'no no darling, we don't draw on the walls, let's paint a picture'

• they just don't have a clue and think that your 2yr old is misbehaving because you haven't raised him right.....as in they don't understand that the teaching part of parenting lasts years. They seem to think its all done and dusted by the time a child is 1yr old 😅

If there's an issue with your parenting reflect and address.

But otherwise I'd probably ditch them as friends. Because even if you do have an issue with someone's parenting it takes a special kind of psychopath to remain angry at a 2yr old.

The other side - they've just had a baby and the whole weekend was immensely stressful for them and they just aren't themselves (we all remember that time!)

OP I think you might be setting yourself up for a lifetime of unruly behaviour where your child is under the impression they can do no wrong. I wouldn’t have apologised to my child if he had just carried on tantrumming the way you describe he did after he was shouted at by your friend. Shouting isn’t always great but it doesn’t sound like the gentle approach is always great either. I suspect your friend disagrees with your approach generally and this is why she’s giving you the cold shoulder. Also ‘shouting’ is very subjective. If he wasn’t scared or shocked then I doubt she was shouting very hard.

People on here need some lessons in basic human development. Toddlers have no impulse control. The ‘friend’ has no idea what she has to come. I had a friend who sternly told me that I needed to make my 18 month year old daughter sit up at the table for a 1 hour and 45 minute wait for food rather than take her into the garden to run her around a bit. A few years later I got a message from her saying sorry, she had no idea what toddlers were like.

Agreed. So he got shouted at. Big deal. But certainly not worth an apology and the softly softly “he’s safe with mummy” speech.

Coupled with the “it’s not nice” and I suspect this child is going to grow up like the rest of society’s undisciplined brats.

It takes a village.

Malicious? He's two!

Once my two year old swiped a glass in a restaurant and it went everywhere- it was impulsive, she got more of a shock than us, noone shouted, we explained it was wrong- she's 11 and she's ever done it again, and is very well behaved.
Noone should be shouting at a two year old for that, explain and move on it's not a big issue.

I’m a teacher. I have shouted at other people’s children! It’s not particularly effective as a classroom management tool though. A whisper can be far more effective.

I think a firm No would’ve worked better in this circumstance.

I was generally happy for my DC to be scolded by other adults though. It takes a village and all that.

My own children never threw cups of liquids up walls .....so yes... I'd certainly tell them off, especially if you didnt.

I think the main thing here is that everything is subjective. We don’t know if the OP’s “shout” is someone else’s slightly raised voice. We don’t know if the OP’s child had been, from the other person’s perspective, a bit of a nightmare. And we don’t know if the friend is “sulking”, as many (not the OP) have said.

But in the grander scheme of things it’s incredibly minor.

Sooner or later a child is going to have an adult shout at them. It's no use pretending we live in some perfect world where this would never happen - children have to be equipped to deal with the world they live in. Accept it as a lesson for your child and move on.