Aibu to think you don't shout at other people's children

Yes, totally agree with this. Creating a completely Yes Zone for your toddler at home really isn't sensible parenting, at all.

When our DDs were little we expected the exact same behaviour at our kitchen table/home as we did in a cafe/friend's home. That way, there was always continuity and no confusion.

I would dearly love to hear the OP's friend's side of this tale.

Just bide your time - her child will be 2 and causing chaos soon!

I find this really odd. My DC never lived in a “yes environment” and neither does DGS (15mths). Of course anything that’s a danger to him isn’t within his reach but there are things he shouldn’t touch and he’s learning not to. He’s learning not to bang his cup on the coffee table, he’s told “X, no thank you, we don’t do that” if he carries on, it gets taken off him for a minute or two. He grumbles then goes to find something else to do.

I wouldn’t have shouted in this case, but I see why your friend was cross.

Sometimes people shout at other people's children because they don't have appropriate self restraint. A two year old is constantly in situations where they might struggle to behave because they are two. His parent was right there and attempting to take immediate action.

I can't think of a single one of my friends who, if I behaved in this way to their child, wouldn't think I was a bit unhinged and not want to hang out as much.

Really? He’s never interacted with other toddlers where he’s been told that something is someone else’s? Or learnt at all that not everything is a toy? I bet he has at nursery, I doubt he’s allowed to fling cups of water around there.

Still, never too late to start! Children don’t exist in a bubble of their own.

You'd not be invited around again either if it were my wall....

Apparently it takes a village to raise a child, but that village can't do anything about the child's behaviour.

Some parents withering pathetic asking their kids to stop doing something gets my goat sometimes as the kid isn't listening to them.

Oh dear Lord.

Most ridiculous comment on this thread. Malicious at two?! What nonsense.

Sounds like the friend was totally out of order. Would love to be a fly on the wall in her show home when her baby starts toddling.

This doesn't reflect what happened. She shouted before OP could intervene. I try not to shout at my own children. I would never shout at anyone else's child unless they were in immediate danger and I needed to get their attention. Even if I thought a friend wasn't doing a good job of moderating their child's behaviour I would never shout at a two year old for throwing a drink against my wall. Just no.

What is wrong with any of that? He's two, in a strange house, got frustrated and got shouted at by a stranger. Why shouldn't she help him to feel safe. Some people seen to think discipline means being cold to your child. No it doesn't. It means cultivating a warm relationship with them while teaching them what is an isn't acceptable. For a two year old, that learning won't be instantaneous. It will be reinforced across several different social environments across a period of time. Shaming makes them more likely to hide things from you later.

It sounds like she was upset about her pristine house getting (shock horror) water on the walls. Shouting at my kid for doing something most two year olds do? I would only step in and say (not shout) something to a child if their parents weren't present. And then holding a grudge against a two year old fir said behaviour. Charming. I wouldn't want to see her again tbh. I expect the irrational dislike of your child would continue. And OP isn't asking about how to discipline her kid she's asking if it's ok to shout at someone else's two year old (shouting quite emotionally manipulative things). No it isn't.

Generally people only shout at another person's children because that other person isn't doing a good job of parenting them. Think about it, if the parent of the misbheaving child is taking appropriate action then there is no need to shout. As the parent you need to be in control of your child, you are responsible for their behaviour. You should not put them into positions where they are likely to struggle to behave and must take immediate action when they do. That way nobody else feels the need to intervene.

Hmmm, this is very telling. OP I strongly suspect that you're not nearly as good at moderating your toddler's behaviour as you think? I think your friend had simply had enough.

I wouldn’t expect anyone to shout at or discipline my child when I’m sat right there, that’s my job. If they were looking after the child of course they are the adult in charge. I couldn’t imagine telling someone’s child off when their parent is right there unless they had hurt someone

God sake. It is ignorant nasty comments like this, that are making parents so stress, you are nasty and horrible and should be no where near young children with that attitude.

I'm not sure, I am a bit of a Gina Ford fan, but throwing or casting to give it it's developmental name apears around 9 months in most children, we had 2 rules from when they were able to throw or kick:

1. Balls are for throwing /kicking
2. That happens outside

So absolutely no throwing or kicking of anything happens inside ever. From before their 1st birthday. By 2 they absolutely understood this.

@Ddakji
‘Trash’ can be somewhat subjective though. You wouldn’t think so, but it can.

But either way, whether pp’s younger guests were absolute and complete terrors, or whether she’s not used to kids’ age-appropriate behaviour, or both, it just doesn’t sound like a good match at the moment.

I don’t think it’s a good idea to invite people into your home who frustrate you by their behaviour. Pick a location outside of the house to meet up instead if possible.

Kids who are properly parented don’t trash other people’s houses.