I don’t enjoy motherhood

Being a parent is hard work, it can be overwhelming and difficult. The early years are the hardest - finding your feet in what you're doing, dealing with a small human that needs you constantly, having no to time to yourself, juggling work/home life and all on zero to minimum sleep. Missing your pre-child life is normal, especially when you've had a particularly hard day and no sleep. Emotions are always worse when we're exhausted. Unfortunately, parenthood is rarely what we imagine it will be. I have said to many a person over the years, when a first time parent tells me they're expecting a baby - it doesn't matter how many nieces/nephews/siblings you may have or have baby sat over the years, nothing can prepare you for parenthood - and I standby that statement. It's a huge shock! Have you considered having some therapy to talk through your feelings? Have you got family support, so that you can have a break? It's easier said than done, but you need to take time for yourself, so if you have support take it. I can say, that as your child becomes older, it does get easier. Life won't feel so overwhelming. Hang in there.

I have an 11 and 3 years old and my god do I regret going back to the baby and toddler years when I was out of them. I don’t regret my son, I love him very much but he is hard work and I do often find myself fantasising about life without them.

I hate the way motherhood is sold as this thing that kicks in at birth and you fall in love instantly. Even worse, when pregnant women claim to be in love with the baby who's still in utero.

I was lucky not to have PND, but I didn't feel that rush of love for about six weeks. And even that made me feel (unreasonable) guilty. So given that you do have depression, please be gentle on yourself. Listen to those who've been in your situation, and try to relax a little if you can. There's lots time yet.

How is your partner with the baby? Does he know how you feel?

You’re still in the brutal stage, the first year is like a bulldozer to everything that was normal before. Are you on medication? Have you had counselling?

For me, PND eased when I started taking time for me. I felt so lost in motherhood and I was frustrated at my husband and how his life hadn’t changed. I realised I was waiting to be given or offered time for me, and that wasn’t enough I was so burnt out. I joined the gym and went unapologetically, even if meant my husband did bedtime alone or got up early with the baby. It helped me feel more like ME which helped me show up and feel more connected to my kids because I wasn’t resentful.

Hugs OP. When I had DS1 I was convinced I had ruined my life. 5 years on I can say I hadn’t. It’s okay now. I still wistfully think what DH and I would be doing if we didn’t have DC. But it’s nothing more than a fleeting thought where as it totally consumed me for the first year. Babies and toddlers are often extremely hard, boring work for little payback. There are some wonderful moments and seeing them develop is amazing, but goodness me it is hard, hard work, Older kids are still hard work but you get more back from them and it isn’t as all consuming. Hang on in there, you’re got through the first year which is a huge achievement.

Are you/have you gone back to work?

It is hard, your life’s changed beyond recognition. You’ve changed beyond recognition, physically and emotionally. You’ll feel like the world sees you differently now your a mum.
it’s hard when you expected it to be one way and it’s another. Expectation does not match reality for many.

i didn’t find my feet until well after 1, definitely a case of fake it until i made it. Things got easier when dd started walking and we found our feet getting out and about (not play groups, I never got on with them!), parks and nature was our saviour.

I’m coming out the otherside with teens and it’s yet another switch in my life to being me (although I’m not sure who that is now!)

talk to your doctor if you feel it’s bigger, @WinterBones is right that this is your new life. You need to find your feet with it.

I do think a lot of pressure is put on mum's to suddenly 'feel love', it is described in such an intense way.
I had that intense feeling of love with my first. My second, I did not. I had PND. So I knew my feelings weren't quite right. It was so hard.
However I knew with my second that the thought of harm ever coming to the. upset me to the same standard as my son. In time that love has grown, as I have been able to work through my own stuff. I love both my children now beyond words, still going through it with the mental health stuff, but couldn't imagine my life without with of them. Youngest will be 3 in April.
I know it is hard, parenting is not easy. Start writing down the small wins you have everyday. It could be that smile little one shows you, the cuddle, falling asleep, a new word they say, having the time for a hot cup of tea, him playing independently for a minute or two. Start with the small wins, because there will be many, however our brains are trained for fight or flight so we look for the bad before the good.
Well done for reaching out of help. Things will get better. Wishing you all the luck in the world.

Keep going. I felt like you. I promise it gets better. My child is now 7 and we have a lovely bond. I had the best card this morning, he wrote it all himself and I felt incredibly lucky. I don't think he realises how detached I felt at the beginning which I'm grateful for. I'd say things began improving after a few years. I tried antidepressants, but going on a meditation course is what really helped me in the end.

It gets better, fake it til you make it. Thinking of you x

As someone once said to me - motherhood torpedoes your life. It takes time to build it up again in a new form.

Your child is still very young. Mine are now 10 and 6 and I promise you, it's so, so much better. Hang in there.

Honestly … neither do I a lot of the time.

When I had my DS (he is now four) it was a very difficult and unpleasant experience and the lack of sleep after a difficult birth nearly destroyed me.

I did go on to have another baby two and a half years later and it was night and day … it was a bit like ‘oh so this is what it’s meant to be like.’

I can’t say it magically becomes OK; it doesn’t, but as they grow it does become easier. The sleep gets better, they can entertain themselves more, you get breaks. It’s OK to mourn your old life.

My problem is I love my children so very much but I do get easily overwhelmed by their sheer neediness of noise and mess and demands and some days I’m super calm and ‘right, okay, yes, you want your sisters toy but why don’t we do this instead as she’s playing with it?’ Other days I’m ’DS I HAVE TOLD YOU TO STOP TAKING HER TOYS!’

Theres a massive turning point every six months with children so young. Eighteen months will be a lot easier; two easier still, it does honestly get much better.

i think people need to stop paining motherhood as this wonderous thing. it isn't.

Yes, there are absolutely moments of love and joy, and pride in your children, and moments of fun and laughter, but they're are overwhelmingly outweighed by the hard moment, especially the first 3 years when you're trying to learn parenting and enduring an awful lack of sleep.

It's normal to find it difficult, it IS difficult. Its normal to think its hard work, it IS hard work.

It's normal to miss your old life...

I will say this.. you have to forget the old life, and forge a new one for yourself as the person you are now, and until you can make that switch, you'll make it harder for yourself... and yes, that is easier said than done, but once you do, it makes things much easier.

I didn't feel a bond with my son for over a year. Huge PND hit me and I wasn't able to feel it. Be easy on yourself and take each day as it comes.

Have you been to your doctor and explained how you are feeling?
You sound depressed to me and I think medication would help you enormously x