To not be bothered if son likes football

If mine had shown an interest in football, which thankfully he didn't, I'd have actively discouraged it. I absolutely wouldn't want him being a part of that culture. He's intelligent enough to be horrified by football culture, thinks watching someone else play a sport is boring, and is the last person to want to get muddy and wet on a Saturday morning.

Please pray he doesn’t get into football. So many vile parents on the side lines. So many thuggish kids with no respect for anyone. Rise above. I have never seen any aggression while my kids did rugby, cricket, athletics etc.

Have you had a child who doesn’t fit in because it can be really hard for some kids. And boys who aren’t football boys can really make it hard. My youngest misses out on a lot because he doesn’t like football. Friends aren’t around on Sundays as they’re playing Sunday league, they’re not around on Saturdays as they go to games, they go on football trips in the holidays and even when we are on holiday he can’t join in with a game on the beach, stands on the sidelines of there’s a kick around in the garden.

He has lots of friends and as he gets older, he’s 15, it’s less of an issue but it has been quite lonely at times. He’s into music and guitar and writing and is very creative. He’ll find his people but school of def be easier if he had even a passing interest in football

Non footballing couple here - we had a few comments about not sending our two DS to football but we just said they've never shown an interest so why would we. They did martial arts instead. Then when much older, they both caught the football bug and our lives are now dominated by it. Happy for them and actually enjoy watching more than I thought I would. But so glad we saved ourselves about 8 years of it. People who pester you about it can just get in the sea. It's pure lack of imagination. Boys do not have to play football (and plenty of girls do!).

More often than not football for boys inparticular is way of forming friends at school

That would really annoy me.

Football is great if you enjoy it and I certainly wouldn't discourage a child who was keen on playing it but I would hate any child of mine to feel under some obligation to be interested in it.

I would be telling anyone who said anything like that to get lost.

I think you’re overthinking it. I too was precious about my unborn baby and not wanting gender stereotypes! In my case my in laws were desperate to know the sex “so they could buy clothes”, which annoyed me as there are obviously loads of lovely colours out there beyond pink and blue and why is pink only for girls anyway.

Anyway, none of us are into football at all but DS(6) has been going since he was in nursery, so for 4 years now. He’s rubbish but loves being outside and running around with his friends and it’s been great for him socially and in terms of learning how to be part of a team, experience winning and losing, and how to follow instructions.

Most of the other sports available for his age group (swimming, tennis, martial arts) don’t have the team element, which is so valuable imo. I will never allow him to play rugby after a friend was paralysed after a match at school, so football it is!

Plenty of time to try out other sports when he is older. I wouldn’t write off football out of contrariness - he may love it, he may not!

it definitely has a big impact on socialising at school and he increasingly doesn't really 'fit' anywhere

Not fitting in at school isn't the end of the world. You have your entire life to find people you fit in with. Forcing yourself or your children to conform to the 2-3 very conventional (and gender-stereotypical) activities that enable them to "fit in" when they're 9 isn't the answer.

Most kids who were into niche sports, not into sports at all, into books or into particularly unique hobbies ended up finding like-minded people as adults and thriving then.

I think I agree that it's good for boys if they do like football and are half decent at it, because my son hates football and is not very sporty and I can see that he's left out of the instant camaraderie that the 'football boys' have. Most of the boys in his school are football boys.

But at the same time, he never would have been a football boy whatever we had done and I don't think he will ever be a 'lad' iyswim. He tried football when he was younger and it wasn't for him so that's that, isn't it.

He now plays another team ball game which is played indoors (big upside as a parent watching matches)! Speaking objectively, he's not brilliant at that either, but it's healthy for him to do some sport and he likes that one.

He has a few good friends (boys) - they tend to play fighting related games so still quite stereotypical.

Of course you just have to let your kids be themselves. I expect your ILs know that really.

I absolutely agree with you about perpetuating gender stereotypes and this would've wound me up massively when I was pregnant with my son. The child will be who they'll be, with their own likes and dislikes! I do have to fight against gender stereotypes a bit with my ILs for both my son and daughter. I also hate the culture surrounding football and would never have thought I'd particularly want mu kids to be into it. No-one in my family growing up was into football, it didn't feature in my life at all really.
BUT my son is now 9 and one of about 3 boys in his class who doesn't like football and doesn't play it every breaktime and it means his friendship pool is really limited. He's always played with girls a fair bit throughout school, great, but I've noticed this year especially (year 4), the girls are so much more mature and definitely favour just hanging out with other girls rather than running round playing tig which is what my son wants to do. A few years ago we got him involved with a local team to try to give him enough of an interest and the basic skills to join in with kicksbouts at playtime etc but he just didn't enjoy it. He'll kick a ball with his sister but that's it. Obviously we've helped him find other hobbies ( Cubs, performing arts, swimming) but it definitely has a big impact on socialising at school and he increasingly doesn't really 'fit' anywhere. So although this sounds incredibly grating from your ILs I wouldn't let it put you off fostering an interest in football for your son.

Have fun with it.

Tell them that ballet and swimming are best for all round fitness, so you'll be signing him.up for those as soon as he's old enough. Obviously if he later shows potential for other sports you will consider it...

My husband and I are sports mad, I'm not into football but he is, we both play sports so naturally we hope our son will be into something, but we are not fixed on that being football, and we would never force him to play sports if he doesn't want to. However, we do want to give him the opportunity to try different things as there are lots of other sports, I don't get why people become so obsessed with football.

As it happens , my son has been going to football for a while, however he has dropped it recently . Whilst he loves kicking a ball around in the garden/ at school and the park, he has no interest in joining a team at the moment and he doesn't want to train.

Both my boys dislike football they have never been a fan of it.
I never stopped them playing but they never took to it.
They Love make up and fashion.
Cant kick a ball but they can have you red carpet ready in an hour.
Need i say more about my fabulous boys.

I had the comments i just took it as a light-hearted thing once our child was born and was not into it people moved on, i never thought that deeply about it

They arnt even a mad football family they just quite traditional and think that a boy must love football. Am I missing something!?

You're not missing anything. Your husband's family sound quite thick, and they're missing something rather obvious - your son will decide for himself what his interests are as he grows up. One of those may be football or it may not, and there's nothing wrong with either. Families to try to shoehorn their children into "what everyone else likes" (or worse "what boys like" and "what girls like") are the absolute worst.

Who cares if "all the other boys" are into football? I know plenty of adult men who were never into it, and they just cracked on with what they did like. Sometimes it takes until you're a teenager or young adult to find other people into the same thing and that's OK.

What would worry me is that your husband's family would treat your son as inferior or an outsider if he doesn't conform to their (very narrow) gender norms.

Mine tried it, both hate it, fine, we move on. I've taken them to the odd game, I think they preferred the Churros more than the football.

This is definitely a cultural thing (and well, probably very class based). No one has ever insinuated our ds might like football or asked if he plays. He’s 7. Dh and I are sporty, but not football. I couldn’t even tell you if there is a local football club or if any of his friends play. There are so many other fun activities for kids to do.

You just be led by your child. My DH wasn’t a huge football fan and I didn’t encourage it but at the age of 7 DS1 decided he wanted to play and there was no going back. He’s in his 20’s now and football has been the making of him. It has given him fitness, competition, a great circle of friends and it’s an easy ice breaker. It definitely helps at school and socially especially from about 9-15 when the football phase is at the deepest.

younger DS has no interest in football at all and that’s fine too. However, I won’t deny that at times it has made his life harder socially as playing football is often the default activity.

My 9 year old isn’t into football. He does skateboarding (has proper lessons) and also loves riding his bike and stunt scooter. I do worry about when he goes up to senior school though as our local schools all seem so big on football.

DS never really played football except at school and as a park kick about to be sociable. Ironically, his best mate is the local team's most passionate supporter. So they go to games. DS keeps up with what's going on with the team, but isn't interested. He did martial arts yrs 2-10, goes to gym.

Just tell them football bores you witless, and that he’s going to be strictly forbidden to play it, ever. Then invent something mildly mad and talk excitedly about it, like Baby Bouldering, or Snorkelling for Newborns.

I can see why this might be mildly irritating but I think you’re overthinking this. It’s not like they’re going to disown your child if he’s not into football and it’s not like they’re going to be choosing his activities for him. It’s a non-issue really.

FWIW, my DP’s family had zero interest in football and his parents actively disliked it - but my DP has been fully obsessed from the age of four or five and his sister is also a pretty committed fan.

Non footballing family here and none of the kids suffered :) I can't think of a sport that interests me less and DH is the same.
My kids did gymnastics later the girls did kickboxing and elder son got into skatepark and parcour...and still skates now in his 30s.
We are just about to sign up DGS for gymnastics as soon as he turns 4 as we have A great club here and he loves the preschool sessions and is fearless....and it's indoors😆