He wants to move back to his country - decision making.

The problem is it sounds like he's saying he will go either with you or without you. That's not a relationship you want to be in. He's not choosing you. He's choosing what he wants and hoping that you'll come along.
I have no issues with a partner raising concerns about where you live and agreeing that you'll sit down together. Discuss options, pro/con lists and come out with a decision together but that doesn't sound like this.
What happens if you move there, you have kids there and then you're stuck when he finds someone who he would rather be with them than in a particular country.
It might sound harsh but that's the reality.

You could consider some less stereotypical arrangements. It is possible to have a successful long-distance marriage, for example. I did it for twenty years, with a range of distances from 300 to 3.000 miles. Obviously, the shorter the distance, the more often you can see each other. It’s also a lot simpler if one or both of you have a decent amount of autonomy over your working patterns, so you can take or send the kids to the ‘other’ country for decent chunks of time. It’s definitely more expensive to maintain two homes, and it’s bloody infuriating when you get into a routine that suits you and the light of your life rocks up and wrecks it every weekend, or for weeks at a time, but the pros (your family, friends, career etc) can outweigh the cons.

Didn't rtft. You're wise to consider all options, though frankly if it were me I'd MUCH prefer bringing up kids in denmark than scotland 😅

Would it be an option to move now to denmark ? See if you like it a year from now. If you do you can ttc then...

As for your parents, it's hard for me to relate because I have a complicated relationship with mine. But say you stayed to be close to them, ended up their carer, then alone and childless at 60. Would you regret it ?

Of course it's possible you could stay and it all pan out differently but you should always consider the worst case scenario when thinking about big life choices.

Another point to consider - would you want to be their carer ? It can be an extremely thankless job and impact hugely your relationship. You stop being their son or daughter to become their carer. It's one of the reasons why I'd never want to do it. You can help them from afar, you can visit frequently, and living far away makes it easier to not be roped in to help more than you really want to...

You could do a lot worse than Denmark. I spend a lot of time there.
I know it’s not really the point but it would be a wonderful place to raise children. Things just work. Everything is well funded and clean. Public services are great. People are great. Weather is no worse than Scotland.
But yes, hard when you’re an only child with ageing parents.

You could write the equivalent of 'A Cold Swedish Winter' @Stanwyck! Seriously though, really difficult decision to make.

Would you be able to live a bit of a split life for a few years with extended periods in both countries if you can both work remotely. This could lead to having a home base country once your future DC were at school and spending vast majority of school holidays in the other country. Of course this depends on your work flexibilty and finances- would be expensive I think.

OP - are you the person who posted a few months ago about their partner wanting to buy a holiday home in Denmark? Anyway, I personally would go, simply because Denmark is supposedly a happy place to live, a safe country and you seem to be in love. It's hard to find a good partner/father of your children but it seems you've found him. It's not far and you could come back frequently.

Yes I see my friends too - we chat most days on WhatsApp and they come and visit us and we visit them. And I made new friends.

Maybe look at the danish healthcare system as it is much safer than the UK for both mother and baby. Not saying you have to just worth a look. Maybe look at potential schools in both Scotland and Denmark so you can make objective decisions?

What stands out is your feeling that you will lose your friends & family if you move away. But that’s not a zero sum game, at least to my way of thinking. I will tell you why.
i moved away from my home country many years ago & came to the UK. I did not lose my friends/family. We stayed in touch and now, decades later, we are still very much in regular contact. Agree, we don’t physically see each other so much, but I think the bonds of friends & family are strong. I look at it as adding more & more people to my circle, not exchanging (“losing”) old friends for new (hence not a zero sum game)
I think perhaps your worries stem partly from being an only child, so there are fewer people to look after your parents, and I can understand that makes you more vulnerable to thinking you would be “abandoning” your parents.
You could gain a great deal moving to Denmark - new friends, new cultural experiences. Or you could hate it.
I think you need to consider this even-handedly. The ideal would be to move there for awhile, or at least visit extensively/regularly. It really isn’t far away, If you turn down what could be a life enhancing experience by focussing on what you think you may lose (not gain), it would be sad.

Seems improbable that even if they wishes to do so your parents would be able to move there, unless they’re very wealthy.

@Stanwyck my father in law loved visiting us in Copenhagen - even at 81 - he would have been out every 8 weeks or so if we were ok with that

And what do you think?

I know nothing about Denmark. Maybe there are objective reasons like better childcare, education system.

But are these so dire in Scotland?

Can you not plan around them? Plan to move somewhere in your area with good schools? Find jobs where the employer pays towards private healthcare?

I think his reasons are probably mostly subjective: it's his home, where he would prefer to bring up his children.

And that's fine.

But they don't outweigh your own subjective reasons.

@Stanwyck on that point I would agree with him having lived in both -however I do agree it’s not as simple as that given you may well be stuck there if it goes wrong and he doesn’t agree to any kids coming back with you- to be frank in your situation I would probably want to see how he was as a dad first- and then consider it with children in a few years. An awful lot of marriages break up with young children and I would actually feel more comfortable to move in your situation when beyond the baby stage - I think he needs to be aware and understand of why you are wary , especially because of Hague convention -

This was my thinking op. I know a couple of women who are now stuck in a country they don't want to be in any longer because they can't take their kids home with them. I think I would want to have my kids in the UK and then move.

Lots of pros to living in Denmark and raising kids there. As a single mother to one child I would want ds to reach for the stars. I wouldn't want him to limit his opportunities for me and if it really came to it I might relocate to be closer to him if it was the right thing at the time for everyone involved.

That is so effing toxic. Don't base your relationship on a lie and definitely don't have children with anyone who you can't/won't be honest with. It would be just as bad as having kids with someone who lied to you about something so important as where to live.

It's unfair to drag kids into a situation like this. They don't have a choice and deserve parents who don't resent each other.

@ReignOfError I feel exactly like that too.

Yes, of course odds are high you’d meet someone else good.

Why don’t you speak from your heart and see what he says. Some straight talking is required.

You have a wonderful life, and much to give up.