He wants to move back to his country - decision making.

Having an EU passport will be good but won’t mean you can get a good job in Denmark.

Each of you knows that if you have DC in the UK or Denmark and stay a few years then that is where the DC will live and you will therefore be stuck. Hard reality.

The main difference in your situations IMO are twofold: he has more time on his biological clock than you do, and with his English and current job he has much better job prospects in UK/Ireland than you do there.

Two of my friends are stuck in UK because of this. All they want is to move back to Scandinavia and their families, because of quality of life. I told my DH straight away that I would not want to continue living in the UK or his country (which is very far away), and he moved with me. The trick is to learn the language before you move, or straight away. Or you will never feel like you belong.

I assume you don't speak Danish either, OP. You'd have to think about the impact of that on your ability to make friends and build your own support network over there.

I wouldn't do it, OP. I'm glad he's been honest with you as it gives you an immediate choice. If you have children there you'd be stuck there unless he gave you permission to take the children away. Would he really do that?

I understand him. It is no doubt that it is the best country of those three to live in. It is great.

But maybe not for you, if you want to live close to your parents. You should give it a chance though.

That's what I am saying.

My advice to you, as a person to whom family is very important, is to concentrate on building that relationship with them, and seeing if it's something that's going to work. Make that part of your decision making process.

I've no parents I'd want to stay here for
And only a few friends
But even so
I'd never move countries for a relationship,or even a marriage
I'd only move if I wanted to .
If you moved ,he left you with kids and met someone else ,you might find you can't bring your kids to the UK .
That's enough for me to say no

I moved to my husband's country and had children here. I didn't move until I had a solid job offer and was prepared to stay here at least until my children were adults.

Once you have children you can't move back to the UK without their other parent's consent so you have to be prepared for the possibility that the move is permanent.

You don't say what sort of family connections he has available in Denmark, OP?

Does he have parents there that he is close to? siblings? is there a possibility of some nice aunts, uncles and paternal grandparents for your children?

Clearly, family is important to you, as it is to me, so I would definitely put some serious effort into building a relationship with his family and see if that develops into something that makes you want to move there more.

In terms of your own family, I honestly believe that it's all about the effort you put in. Denmark isn't the other side of the world and the world is so much smaller now anyway because of technology. With enough effort, your children will have a good meaningful relationship with your family, no matter where you live. My sister lives in New Zealand, so pretty much as far as you can get, and my kids still know her very well and I have close friends from Italy, Poland and Czech Republic who have amazing relationships with their parents and see them regularly even though they all live in the UK, with their parents back home. Unfortunately, my dad, who lives only a couple of hours up the road hardly sees the grandkids, claims we are "so far away" as an excuse for never seeing us and isn't technology literate.

Good luck with your decision making x x

Don't make decisions out of fear you will regret them and you will miss out. Make decisions because they are the right ones and based on the things you value and do have and have control over.

You are already emotionally being blackmailed here. Keep this in mind and effectively draw up so stepping stones, where you can still say no at any point. Take a little of the power back here and say, well if I do consider going to Denmark, what hoops are you going to jump through to enable me to make sure it's the right move for me and it suits me on my timescale not yours.

If you doesn't want to sign up to your potential roadmap to Denmark, then he's not right and it won't end well because he has all the power in the relationship. He needs to show an understanding of your position.

Right now he probably knows he can ultimately emotionally blackmail you on this. Through some logic back in there to stop yourself falling into that trap.

You need to look into everything, yes Scandinavian countries generally have a very good work/life balance. How easy would it be for you to find work? I'm guessing you don't speak the language? You'd need to learn, as it would increase your chances of finding work. Can you only work there if you fit a specific skill set? If you did have children in Denmark, how easy would it be for you to bring them back to the UK, if the relationship failed? Have you spoken to your parents, regarding the future and help they may require? I'm an only child too, and I couldn't leave my parents to live in another country. You need to research. Think very very carefully and don't make any rash decisions.

Marry him here and have children here and travel to Denmark regularly until they are in secondary and then if he longs for home spend ten years there and then choose.

Great that you’ll have an EU passport. That makes it SO much easier! Could you take a longer holiday in Denmark, to get a feel for it before making a decision? Would you be moving to Copenhagen or elsewhere? There are regular direct flights to Edinburgh from Copenhagen and relatively easy options to Inverness (and Aberdeen I think). It’s not far, under two hours.

I'd say generally Europeans, and I am one, are far more relaxed about living in different countries and places and people in the UK. I'd think nothing of living and working in another country personally and my mum lives elsewhere and I'd hope for my kids that they will too in time.

Denmark isn't far and you may love it. You could be offered a dream job in france or Ireland or Italy or the other side of the UK eg Cornwall. Would you say no to a fabulous job opportunity? If you would and you really want to live near home and not ever be far from there, then I'd say split up with him because it's not fair to rule out ever living anywhere else and making his life choice have to be near where your parents are based on potential parent issues. Only you know your feelings on this, what's right for me may not be right for you and so on

Don't forget if you have kids and your marriage/relationship falls apart, you'll have a fight to come back to the UK if they've been living overseas for any length of time.

I’d need to look into it more. I also have only been to Denmark once so far. I don’t feel I can make a decision without more time there anyway.

He has had time to live in the UK and make the same decision about Denmark. You can't just go and live in Denmark for a couple of years to make a similar decision without an EU passport or a visa. You have only been there once.

So you simply are not in a place at the moment to make a decision about a long term future there. You need to stress that. If you both want the relationship to continue there needs to be an acknowledgement of that, and that you can't take a long term decision to move there yet, only medium term ones. In the medium term you need to work on visiting lots. Is he prepared to give you that time? And is he prepared for you to ultimately to say no just as much as yes?

If he won't give you this time and space your only option is to end the relationship immediately.

This is a huge decision and it has to be right for you both if you both think the other is 'the one'. If you are still left with doubts on that and aren't sure about Denmark the answer is still no.

But I would also stress this is his decision to make and that's fine but it's also your decision to make freely too. And if you are going to be the one moving abroad he owes it to you to be enabling you to be absolutely certain before you commit. Any pressure or time limitations on it, is not ok. If he doesn't like that, he needs to just end it now.

Say you'll go back to denmark with him and then don't.

Have children here and say that you want to do that to be near your parents for the first couple of years. Then refuse to move. He won't be able to go home and take the kids with him.

@Stanwyck

marry him and go to Denmark and get out for farage and Brexit fucked UK

until we rejoin

lucky you

I would not live in another country and have kids. I know several people who are now living in a different country to their kids after the relationship broke down.