He wants to move back to his country - decision making.

Bloody hell that’s awful isn’t it. Why would she treat the man she loves and the father of her children like this?

Totally agree. Belgium is good too and we have been made to feel welcome here but I miss the outdoor life and space

Denmark isn't that far!

When you have kids - you could easily commit to popping back once every, what 2 months for long weekend.

And your parents are prob still young? Are they late 50s/60s...so unless very unwell could continue to fly over and see grandchildren for at least another 20 years or so?

I know of a woman in her 80s who was reguarly commuting back and forth to Argentina for 20 years seeing her kids /grandchildren... Now the kids are uni age so come over to see her in vacations.

Also there is no guarantee parents will NEED you... My mum never did... Was fit and then had massive heart attack and died.

Honestly, I’d say no. You have no idea about the lifestyle/how you’d manage day to day. What job would you do? How often do you currently see your parents/friends? I just couldn’t do it, I came back from France, despite being bilingual and loving the place. Probably a bit pathetic, but I couldn’t cope with being even that far away from family and friends.

All the people from UK I know, living in Scandinavia, all feel very welcome and like the lifestyle here. You need a positive mindset though and make an effort yourself.

his retort was (because both my parents are about to retire in their early 60s) they could stay for a period in his family’s house to be with me.

Is he suggesting you would be living in his family's house as well?

We lived in Scandinavia for 10 years my daughter speaks the language fluently- us parents ok. We are currently in Brussels for a 2 year contract and I can’t wait to go home to Scandinavia. I am a Brit by birth but was made to feel very welcome in Scandinavia and our neighbours still speak English with us 👍 I like Denmark and think it is a great place to raise kids and it’s not a long flight back to Britain.

They are moving to Denmark. It’s a great country to bring up children, and the equality is not like in the UK.

I know quite a few men from the UK, who has moved to Scandinavia and have small children. They are very happy here, and their children speak both languages.
But they all speak the language very well, and have adapted to family life here.
It’s quite impressive. So it’s hardly impossible either.

This is Denmark though. Often custody is 50-50 on a divorce there. The rights of both parents and the children are protected and it’s a great place to bring up children.

Can you speak Danish?
Are you prepared to learn it?
Are you prepared

• To be on the outside of conversations because your grasp of the language isn't good enough?
• For your children to speak a language with a fluency, speed & accuracy that you exceeds your abilities?
• To not have close friendships because you don't share the same kind of upbringing, have different values & don't speak the same language

The gap between Scandinavia & the UK is greater than most of us would realise unless you're living it.
I worked for a Scandinavian company, speak the language fairly fluently, had my partners family & friends around me but after 5 years we came back to the UK because I never felt like I belonged there.

Dear OP, I understand you coming here and asking for advise as this is indeed a difficult decision to make, but I would say that by coming here you actually answered your own question. You know what the answer is, but do not want to admit to yourself.

Emigrating is really, really, hard and unless this is something you wanted (like one of the posters pointed out), this is not going to work for you. Also, it depends a lot on your own personality and how close you are with your parents, siblings etc. I know that there are a lot of people in this situation and it does work for some, but it is very risky. I know too many people stuck in this situation, especially when kids are involved. If this happens to you, that you have kids down the road but really long to return home, this will be a very sad life to live. I do not know you, but from very little you told us, I would say, no, do not go.

If you're a sociopath do this, sure.

I understand his point

Denmark isn't far from Scotland

Living in Scotland would be the same regards care of parents

OP’s boyfriend seems to be making clear that he would NOT do the same for her. He is being honest, but hiding unpaletable things behind silliness with the poem/ring/his family hosting hers.

i live a long distance away from my preferred location and that of my friends and family (within the UK) for a man who loved me but was honest that he would not do the same for me, and overall it’s worked out, we have DC and been married 20 years. The imbalance did and does bother me and wouldn’t have moved overseas for him.

I’d be very careful in your position. I am married to a European from a country not too far from Denmark. My first child was born abroad (bit different as I was already living there then). I had great support from his family and friends and spoke the language. Nonetheless, after 3 years I found I missed the UK too much and wanted to return. I would probably have stayed if he felt he couldn’t bear to leave (agreement on marriage was we were both prepared to live in both countries if necessary- we had both lived in both countries so we were able to make an informed decision)
My thoughts are, firstly and most importantly as you identified, if you go and you then have a child there, you are committed to staying for 18 years unless he agreed to let his child leave (why would he if he wants to stay in Denmark). There is wiggle room here but it would be hard.
Next, you won’t really integrate unless you speak the language, even though they all speak English. Are you up for the hard slog to learn it?
What happens if you go and decide you don’t like it? Have that convo before you go!
I know you are still young but I would be very worried about running down the biological clock here. If for whatever reason it doesn’t work out, I would like to make sure I have time to meet someone else to have children with if this is very important.
so I would:

• Discuss what happens if you are not able to settle there. There are no guarantees but if he says something like ‘well it would be over’ - then he is asking you to make a sacrifice for him that he is not prepared to make for you. That would not work for me.
• IF I go, I would set a time limit - It has to be 1 year minimum I would say, ideally 2 - to really be able to decide one way or the other if you think you could make a go of it.
• If I went I would be sure to have independence - get a job and a separate life with my own friends. You are trying to mimic a ‘rest of your life’ scenario here.

As someone who moved to her DH’s home country (a lot further away from the UK than Denmark!) many years ago, this is the advice I give to women in your situation. You have to want to move to the end of the world for this man, AND (most crucially) know for sure that he would do the same for you if you asked for it, in order for this to be successful.

Emigrating isn’t easy, even if it’s intra-Europe. There are so many factors, some of which won’t make themselves apparent to you until years down the line (not a failing on your part, those factors just don’t exist yet). Your mindset has to be one of “I’ll take anything, deal with anything, and I know he will support me in that and we would both do the same if roles were reversed”. (Obviously there are hard lines no woman would ever cross, but those aren’t specific to a move to Denmark).

Communicate, communicate, communicate. Both of you out all cards on the table. Family, friends, money, career, goals, children. Everything out in the open. Talk about it until you can talk no more. Then decide.

What is wrong with you!? What a horrible person you are. A woman did this to my DH’s brother, he moved back to NZ and she was to come over with their two children. But changed her mind as soon as he got a job and house there, all ready for his family. Those children still suffer, 10 years later. So do us a favour fuck off with your advice.

Also, you seem to have missed that she actually loves him. And wants to live her life with him. He feels like her home. That is a rare thing to have.

It is really good he had this conversation with you and thought about it before you got married tbh. He could have "trapped" you and decided to dump this on you shortly after bit he had the decency to give you a choice.

We live in an era of cheap flights and it's not longer that hard to ge abroad, especially in Europe.
But life is one of choices and you have one. You can always ask him if he'd consider moving back when your parents need help for a few years....

This is incredibly devious and not something you would do if you love someone.

You want to build this relationship on a lie? What a horrible person you are.

Unless you could secure and keep a good job there you could also be economically dependent on him.