He wants to move back to his country - decision making.

It's a tough one OP, my DH is from a similar country, my ultimatum was i was staying here (also Scotland) and we committed to visits with his family...

When it was just us we would nip over for long weekends and a week here and there whenever we fancied, but dc coming along just changed all that and I hadn't imagined it before.

When they were young it was still doable but a lot more effort, more effort visiting and hosting.

My dc are older now and into their sports and friends, they enjoy a holiday but being away from their lives all the time just isn't what they want so it's dwindled to 1 trip a year.

So I know a lot of posters are saying it's easy to go back and fore etc but in our experience that doesn't continue when you add dc to the mix.

You haven't put it on your left ring finger either

@Stanwyck Your drive to have children here might be a bit misinformed. Where they are born doesn’t play too much of a role - it’s where they are habitually resident. So if you have them here but then go and live in Denmark for a while and they come habitually resident, you still won’t be able to bring them back here without permission, even if they were born here.

I wouldn’t underestimate how difficult it is and also how lonely when you don’t speak the language. I have had experience of this. It can take years to feel comfortable and be fluent in a language.

Unfortunately, everything that you are worried about also apply to him staying in Scotland.

If you split after having children then he's stuck in Scotland or has to leave his children behind. If his parents need care then he's stuck in Scotland. If he misses his family and friends then he's stuck on Scotland.

So you can easily understand why he's telling you this now so that all cards are on the table.

I know quite a few scandi people who moved back home when children came on the horizon because they wanted to bring them up with the same advantages they had growing up.

It's difficult op. You both need to be brutally honest with each other and accept that a split might be the result.

Yanbu to be torn about this.

The biggest problem with living overseas is that if the relationship breaks down, the kids are considered residents of that country so you can only bring them back to the UK if the other parent agrees. If they don’t then you need to live there until they are 18 or travel back and forth between Scotland and Denmark.

Yanbu to think about your parents and nor is he but spending more time in Denmark and seeing what life is like there is a good idea. For example if you currently live in a city but he dreams of country living then that’s the sort of thing that you need to find out. I’d imagine that a Danish winter is very different to a Scottish one so go at all kinds of seasons too.

I would rather have my children in Denmark than in the UK tbh. People are just so much more accomodating to kids in general and Danes are very easy going in general.
"Nordic children are out in nature for hours a day – and they top rankings in both education and happiness. "
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2024/feb/25/play-outside-and-sing-together-living-in-denmark-and-raising-viking-children

It’s great too. My young adult DD was thinking of going there to work, she often travels there by herself. It’s only a 2 hr flight, and with the time change you only miss 1 hr.

Nope if the relationships ends you'll be stuck there. He will have his family support networks you will not. The cynical side of me is wondering if he knows it to which is why he's suggesting the move prior to children.

Never move with a partner somewhere you wouldn't be entirely happy being a single parent

It also looks like he did not propose - I would not move unless you are his wife and have at least some rights.

OP, only move if you yourself would like to live in Denmark, even without him. Because once you have kids, you will not be able to leave if you split up.

Also, I would consider what the situation where you would totally depend on him for everything - money, family, friends, etc. You will be completely isolated, and at him mercy, so to speak. I know you say he is great now, but thigs change and who knows how it would pan out in the future.

I met a woman from a European country, who had a child with a British man in the UK. She really wanted to go home, but couldn't because he wouldn't give permission. He was with a new woman, had another baby and had no interest in this woman's baby. He even kicked her and the baby out of his flat.
He was just being spiteful, but he had that power over her.

It’s obvious that op has real concerns about leaving, so if she could find a loving relationship that didn’t mean she had to leave everything she cherishes behind, then she is likely to feel much more secure, happy and comfortable long term than this awful decision always hanging between them.

Scotland is absolutely stunning too.

You would be far happier in the long run marrying someone else op, that shares your love of home and family.

What an odd thing to say. You have no idea if OP would be happier marrying someone else.

Oh and can I say as someone that’s lived overseas for decades. Scotland has some of the most awesome world beating scenery and islands. Absolutely stunning. So whilst Denmark is nice, Scotland is hardly without it’s beautiful outdoor spaces, tremendous coast lines, mountains and culture.

It is an enormous risk with many difficulties ahead. Scotland is your love, it is where you are from and everyone that loves you lives there.

Denmark is nice but quite dull. It might feel boring very quickly and may never feel at home there. Having children is very very hard without family support, and you run the risk of feeling very isolated unless you have an established and very supportive network in place.

I think you might find it harder to have children in Scotland and then move to Denmark. That is likely to be very painful for everyone.

Whilst I can see why for him life in Denmark is the best choice, I can’t see how this is best for YOU. It is a massive sacrifice, and one you might come to resent.

I would hand the ring back in your place and end the relationship and save the inevitable pain. You would be far happier in the long run marrying someone else op, that shares your love of home and family.

Can you work out a life plan that involves moving back and forth? Eg children in Denmark, but once they have grown you move back to UK, or vice versa?

Whichever country you’re resident in, you commit to visiting the other home country every summer and Christmas.

I just seem to get in the way of cyclists in Belgium as they pop up out of nowhere. I haven’t got use to that yet 😂

Not saying you would OP- just replying to what a PP suggested Good luck with your decision. Maybe spend this summer in Denmark and see how it grabs you?

The cycling everywhere is great too. I agree the outdoor life and space is hard to compare to anything, and it’s what I miss when I’m
abroad. The fresh air and fresh water.