Husband getting married

I was making a point.

Aren't the Gardai the equivalent of the police?
I assume this poster meant whatever the equivalent of the police is.

What makes you think so- if you know a crime is about to be committed-any crime, you can be prosecuted, the authorities may decide not to, but you can.

Don’t let a few annoyances stop you posting. You still got to discuss the situation and the majority understood the shock and how it could pull you back into a situation you don’t want.

AIBU is the worse board for people not fully reading but there are others that move at a slower pace which get more considered replies. 30 days only or relationships are good for a sounding board to work through your thoughts.

I think a good many posters are into research - or writing theses for their doctorate.

@llizzie you are joking…. Right?

You misunderstood the position under Irish law and gave incorrect advice.

You didn't understand my post. We don't have "the police".

No, she can't be prosecuted for that.

Me, too. I can definitely understand a woman in OP's situation wanting not to rock the boat, but I do believe in reporting crimes and am surprised at all those who wouldn't because "not my circus".

I'd like to think that discovery of the ex's continuing marriage would be enough to warn his newest victim off, but am reminded of previous threads on here where this happened to women and they refused to accept it as evidence their fiancés were no good 🤯

How will he know it was her?

she can’t be under his control for the rest of her life, which is how she will be if she remains married to him.

I know how it feels. I was still married to
my violent husband for a few years after we split. I felt everything had to come from him until we were divorced at which point he no longer had control of me. It is likely that the new woman is unfortunately his new supply and punchbag. Op is well rid of him.

The police.

I think I would feel compelled to do this if I was the op.

Sending you best wishes OP. You are brilliant for picking yourself up and putting your family back together to the point where they could even consider going to the new ‘wedding’.
I hope they don’t, I hope they remember enough, and respect you enough, to not go but you are right to protect yourself.
Posters saying they are strong women who would stand up to abusers and basically ‘show him’ have not seen the ongoing fear, devastation and broken bones inflicted by these men.
I’m genuinely sad you’ve been put off using MN it’s supposed to be a forum primarily for women to help and advise women.
Sending you best wishes, enjoy having your name back and hopefully he will sort the divorce for you.

This!!

There was a time when I'd lose my shit over what my estranged DH did to piss me off, to tighten the screws, it's endless, an extension of what living in the same house was like. It's not easy & if you haven't been through it you'll never understand what it's like. So easy to tell someone else what to do but until you've walked in OPs shoes you'll never get it. No point pouring petrol on something when it's not your fire, instead take whatever advice you choose and walk away. Not my circus, not my monkeys.

Noooo! Do update us with what happens and if the wedding actually goes ahead or explodes or whatever.

You are a better woman than I because I'd be whispering in the local Gardai's ear about possible bigamy because I'd do anything to annoy my ex... (I recently found out that he most likely broke my nose during DV luckily over 25 years ago).

I understand your reticence about getting involved , but if the marriage goes through, and you knew about it, and you knew that he is still married I think you could be prosecuted for not reporting it.
Your children have been invited, so there would be no credibility in claiming you didn't know.
Yes he has to show line of sight to him being single, so he would have to claim he had never been married-but I can't imagine he would be challenged unless the people marrying him knew him well enough to know he had been married in the past, marrying to get an EU passport is much more likely to be suspected than bigamy these days.

What? You're being a bit weird now. No one is trying to make you miserable. And the gang of four reference is...odd.

OP isn't committing a crime, her ex will be, and she's not legally obligated to try to stop him or to report him. And saying that a DV survivor should stand up in public and try to humiliate her abuser is a dangerous suggestion.

This thread has degenerated into a farce.

The OP says that she has notice of the marriage date of a man she is still married to.

Should she report it, or just pretend it isn't happening?

If you know a criminal offence is about to take place, should you tell the authorities about it? If you don't report it, can you be accused of aiding and abetting a crime. Remember, a crime is a crime is a crime. All has to be reported. Some crimes may be worse than others.

Is it legal to wait until the crime is taking place, then scream blue murder?

In Irish law, if I know something is going to happen am I legally obliged to report it? Can I determine what level of crime is about to be committed and judge whether it is prudent to tell someone? Would I be acting lawfully if I just kept schtum and pretended it wasn't happening?

Or should I go to the wedding, then stand up at the appropriate moment and declare the groom to be already married and therefore he is committing an offence by continuing with the ceremony?

How can anyone ridicule that in a post? It isn't judgemental, it isn't accusatory.

I copied and pasted what the position is under Irish Law, but even that I was pulled down for.

Has the thread degenerated into somewhere to make lives miserable, to discourage people from posting?

To give posters the opportunity to argue against anything? With some people, if you were wearing a black dress they would swear bling it was white.

Ironic isn't it, that someone who is lecturing us about having to learn to live with AI doesn't know what ChatGPT is 😆

I think a good many posters are into research - or writing theses for their doctorate.

I can pull out those trying to see how fast they can make someone miserable enough to stop posting.

I can even imagine a ''gang of four'' seeing who can be the nastiest, who can create misery, who can influence a whole lot of others on a given subject.

The range is endless.

What is ChatGPT? Never heard of it.

Erm. Do you never read/listen to/watch the news?

Abusive & DV men are usually liars too and no-one questions them because they know what repercussions will follow. He's probably told everyone concerned that you're already divorced.

Including your children in the facade is unforgivable - he knows they'll tell you and he'll be waiting for your reaction to his happy news via them. Nothing worse than children being caught in the middle & used as pawns by one parent against the other. It's a hard place to be for a loving mum. I chose to support mine with their father issues as they arose - what they thought of him was discussed openly by them so they felt comfortable expressing their thoughts and feelings and knew I was always there to offer support to them.

No doubt new wifey will be experiencing the same issues as you did but that's her issue. I didn't see all the red flags but I see them all now x

I did not. What is ChatGPT? Never heard of it. What is wrong with copy and paste? It is at least accurate and not made up. Too much is fake now.

I am sure if you try you will find a way to block Ai, but why would you want to? Don't you agree with accuracy? At least if I copy and paste you cannot all say I am wrong, can you?

Are you writing a thesis on how to make posters stop posting in the cruelest way?

If I look something up, I copy and paste it to make absolutely sure I have it right. I don't mind being ridiculed for copying and pasting when something has to be exactly right.

You have to learn to live with Ai, because I rather think it is here to stay. I like to get everything right. Gone are the days when people put things 'in their own words'' because accuracy is prime now.

All your assets goes into your children's names then he doesn't get anything.