Page 24 | Husband getting married

Grassisalotgreener · 2025-03-30T14:53:04+00:00

Separated 13 years, no contact since children came of age, separated as a result of dv. I was informed today that he is getting Married next week . Should i inform someone in authority? Aibu if i report him, i was delighted when he moved on so not upset he is getting married,but im astounded because we are not divorced!

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 30/03/2025 17:01

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 16:43

Really?

Show quote history

Yes, my dad and step-mum were married in a humanist ceremony, in their living room.

I had a sneaky feeling their marriage wasn't legal. But I looked it up ( it's public information that anyone can check) and sure enough, they were legally married on the date we attended their wedding.

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 30/03/2025 17:01

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 16:47

We are in Ireland, its been a bit of a shock today and havent had time to digest and fact find.

Show quote history

Is that the Republic of Ireland or Northern Ireland? Humanist marriages are legal in NI. I don't know the position is in the Republic

Ooorhead · 30/03/2025 17:00

Was hoping to finally close that chapter of a very unhappy marriage and embrace my name again.

what on earth has been stopping you?

DuckieDodgyHedgyPiggy · 30/03/2025 17:00

Keepingthingsinteresting · 30/03/2025 16:38

A humanist ceremony doesn’t mean it isn’t legal, just not religious.

Dob him in @Grassisalotgreener . Do you know where he is getting married, you can report to the local authority/register office maybe, or if on a church to the vicar there.

Show quote history

Ha ha or even better, turn up and stand at the back, and when they ask if anyone knows of any just impediment to these two getting married, shout out:"YES, HE'S MARRIED TO ME!"

Topseyt123 · 30/03/2025 16:58

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 16:38

That is what i was thinking because you wouldnt go ahead with a marriage witbout getting a divorce, would you? 🤔

Show quote history

A humanist ceremony is still a legal marriage and cannot go ahead if either party is already married. Bigamy is still a crime.

The kids could remind him that you and he are not legally divorced. I'd also call 101 to get police advice. Report this as a crime that he is planning to commit.

Ooorhead · 30/03/2025 16:58

It will be a commitment ceremony
nothing more
will your children be attending?

DuckieDodgyHedgyPiggy · 30/03/2025 16:56

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 16:52

Thankyou! Appreciate that. It was hard hearing that today as i was expecting divorce papers all last year and never received them.
Was hoping to finally close that chapter of a very unhappy marriage and embrace my name again.

Show quote history

Why don't you initiate it yourself? Since you've been apart for so long it'll just be a formality. Also, go back to your previous name now! Since it's already your name there's no formality - you just start using it. You might have to provide your birth certificate to your bank.

Groundhogday2025 · 30/03/2025 16:55

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 30/03/2025 16:49

Is it possible for him to have divorced you and it has gone through because you didn't respond to any of the court papers e.g. did he put an incorrect address or something? I have no idea how you would check to see if there is a decree absolute with your name on it though!
I would report it to your local registrar's office, take your marriage certificate and any other information that you have about him, and tell them what you've learned. You might find that the notice of intended marriage is displayed outside or in the window, if he lives in the same area. If you've done this, I think you've done all you can.

I agree with all this. You said you were expecting divorce paperwork all last year, maybe you had it but weren’t aware. Go to your registrar with your wedding certificate and have it checked.

DecafDodger · 30/03/2025 16:55

have your children received invitations or similar with more details? Really odd to be invited last minute, surely even a registry office ceremony is planned more than a few days in advance.

Aposterhasnoname · 30/03/2025 16:54

If he’s invited his children then they’ll obviously know where it is. So contact the venue and tell them.

DuckieDodgyHedgyPiggy · 30/03/2025 16:53

Boredzebra · 30/03/2025 15:54

I thought after a period of time of no contact it means you’re divorced (I’m wrong)

Edited

No, not true.

Original poster

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 16:52

FineKnacksForLadies · 30/03/2025 16:41

Hello, friendly vicar here. We definitely do ask to see decree absolute before reading banns, where someone has been married before, but if they lie to us and simply say they’ve never been married, we would have no way of knowing they were lying, and obviously wouldn’t ask to see a decree absolute for a marriage we didn’t know existed! I’m so sorry you’ve been put in this position. A good priest or registrar should offer you some support through this too.

Thankyou! Appreciate that. It was hard hearing that today as i was expecting divorce papers all last year and never received them.
Was hoping to finally close that chapter of a very unhappy marriage and embrace my name again.

OP posts:

MyDeftDuck · 30/03/2025 16:51

Boredzebra · 30/03/2025 15:54

I thought after a period of time of no contact it means you’re divorced (I’m wrong)

Edited

Not so!

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 30/03/2025 16:49

Is it possible for him to have divorced you and it has gone through because you didn't respond to any of the court papers e.g. did he put an incorrect address or something? I have no idea how you would check to see if there is a decree absolute with your name on it though!
I would report it to your local registrar's office, take your marriage certificate and any other information that you have about him, and tell them what you've learned. You might find that the notice of intended marriage is displayed outside or in the window, if he lives in the same area. If you've done this, I think you've done all you can.

Original poster

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 16:47

AllTheChaos · 30/03/2025 16:44

In Scotland it is but not England:

commonslibrary.parliament.uk/research-briefings/sn05864/#:~:text=At%20present%2C%20therefore%2C%20it%20is,marriage%20to%20be%20legally%20valid.

Show quote history

We are in Ireland, its been a bit of a shock today and havent had time to digest and fact find.

OP posts:

ApolloandDaphne · 30/03/2025 16:45

@Grassisalotgreenerdefinitely in Scotland. I've been to a few.

MattHandjob · 30/03/2025 16:45

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 16:43

Really?

Show quote history

Not in England and Wales they're not

AllTheChaos · 30/03/2025 16:44

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 16:43

Really?

Show quote history

In Scotland it is but not England:

commonslibrary.parliament.uk/research-briefings/sn05864/#:~:text=At%20present%2C%20therefore%2C%20it%20is,marriage%20to%20be%20legally%20valid.

itbemay1 · 30/03/2025 16:44

I actually wouldn’t bother at all. Let him get himself in trouble and if he dies you’ll hopefully be his beneficiary

Anewdawnanewname · 30/03/2025 16:43

I’d let them crack on with it and raise it afterwards.

Original poster

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 16:43

ApolloandDaphne · 30/03/2025 16:42

A humanist ceremony is still a legal marriage.

Really?

OP posts:

Original poster

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 16:42

Kandalama · 30/03/2025 16:37

Have your children said anything to him

Show quote history

Only informed children of the no divorce today, our marriage is not something we discuss because of the trauma he left us with!

OP posts:

ApolloandDaphne · 30/03/2025 16:42

A humanist ceremony is still a legal marriage.

Kedece · 30/03/2025 16:42

Nosaucelikemintsauce · 30/03/2025 16:09

Obviously you do nothing until after The Big Day. He hasn't committed a crime yet.
Then report and enjoy.....

That was my thought too

So far he's done nothing wrong

FineKnacksForLadies · 30/03/2025 16:41

Hello, friendly vicar here. We definitely do ask to see decree absolute before reading banns, where someone has been married before, but if they lie to us and simply say they’ve never been married, we would have no way of knowing they were lying, and obviously wouldn’t ask to see a decree absolute for a marriage we didn’t know existed! I’m so sorry you’ve been put in this position. A good priest or registrar should offer you some support through this too.