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Original poster

Husband getting married

663 replies

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 15:53

Separated 13 years, no contact since children came of age, separated as a result of dv. I was informed today that he is getting Married next week .
Should i inform someone in authority?
Aibu if i report him, i was delighted when he moved on so not upset he is getting married,but im astounded because we are not divorced!

OP posts:
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5
Ooorhead · 30/03/2025 17:27

charabang · 30/03/2025 17:24

Could he have divorced you without your knowledge by claiming he didn't know your whereabouts?

Why would he do that

the op here appears to want to get divorced

but I’m starting to wonder…

CaramelVanilla · 30/03/2025 17:27

What is this "archaic rule" that ties you to him?

Ooorhead · 30/03/2025 17:26

Your adult children seem to be singularly disinterested with their father remarrying despite being married to their mother

which leads me to believe it is a commitment ceremony

more to the point why do you care if you’re “blamed”. Not like you continue to have anything to do with this man emotionally or financially or childcare related

charabang · 30/03/2025 17:24

Could he have divorced you without your knowledge by claiming he didn't know your whereabouts?

Alllll · 30/03/2025 17:24

You don’t need to be divorced to stop using his name.

SnoozingFox · 30/03/2025 17:23

If you are in Northern Ireland, get on the phone tomorrow morning to GRONI.

https://www.nidirect.gov.uk/contacts/general-register-office-northern-ireland

If there has been a divorce, these are the people who will know. If you are in the Republic, slightly more complex as there is no central register of divorces but you can contact the authorities here: https://www.gov.ie/en/organisation-information/143f25-about-the-general-register-office/

Finding it really scary that there are people on this thread who really think that when you've been separated for X number of years, that's the same as being divorced! Obviously you cannot go through a legal marriage when you are already married. You can have a fakey commitment ceremony or blessing or whatever but with no legal standing.

Almostwelsh · 30/03/2025 17:23

Report him to the police if he goes through with the wedding. It's a criminal offence.

Ooorhead · 30/03/2025 17:23

This is very odd

do you by any chance receive spousal maintenance from him?

Annettecurtaintwitcher · 30/03/2025 17:18

Isn’t in possible to get divorced without the other person’s consent now? So, it is possible that he has divorced you but you weren’t sent any papers to sign….

SoInLuv · 30/03/2025 17:17

Boredzebra · 30/03/2025 15:54

I thought after a period of time of no contact it means you’re divorced (I’m wrong)

Edited

Yeah, I thought after 6 years but there is some sort of paperwork to do, still. Not sure!

FatLarrysBanned · 30/03/2025 17:15

Years ago I worked with a lady whose "husband" had conveniently forgotten to divorce his first wife before he married her. It came out a few years later (I think the first wife found out and told the police).

He was charged and found guilty of bigamy. His defence was he thought he was divorced as they'd got as far as the decreee nisi but they never completed the decree absolute. Lady I worked with was utterly devastated by the whole thing. She was incredibly religious and it effectively meant their child had been born outside of marriage (though she was OK with marrying a divorcé...) They had to have another quick wedding ceremony when the divorce was actually finalised to "remarry".

DingDongAlong · 30/03/2025 17:15

If he's a threat to you physically, then you're right to be cautious.

I'd see whether you can check if he's filed for divorce and not told you? He might well enjoy the knowledge that you don't know as well as expecting you to make a fool of yourself highlighting you're still married when he's gone ahead and divorced you.

Rightsraptor · 30/03/2025 17:13

OP - look after yourself first and foremost. If this man will threaten you or be violent towards you if you make it known that he's still married to you then keep quiet.

If he attempts to contract a legal marriage with another person while still married, he'll be committing (attempted) bigamy. That's on him. If they're just having some non-legal commitment ceremony, it's not a marriage.

2JFDIYOLO · 30/03/2025 17:13

Stop worrying OP. Look up how to get divorced and do it yourself. You don't have to sit about waiting for him to do it. Take some control over your life. Divorce him. Then he can move on too.

When you say 'his children' are these your kids, or from another relationship?

Hopefully they've told him and his fiancée they need to sort this out first.

Talkinpeace · 30/03/2025 17:13

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 17:07

Dont misunderstand me , i mean physically come after me, if the " new wife" kicks him out because she isnt legally married and is upset , as she should be. Then thats my fault , in his eyes, everything always was my fault!!!!!

Show quote history

This is a KEY point.

OP has stated DV and financial control.
He is out of her life.
Stirring up about the wedding will bring him back into her life
which is A BAD THING

If you are in Northern Ireland, phone 101 and leave the authorities to deal.
If you are in the Republic, contact the Gardai and see what they suggest

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 30/03/2025 17:10

@Grassisalotgreener if the divorce was in scotland you can check on line right now/ what archaic rule leaves you financial tied to him after all those years?? what country are you in??

Reddog1 · 30/03/2025 17:08

Just divorce him OP. Look after yourself. Hopefully it’s a commitment ceremony but get divorced anyway.

StartAnew · 30/03/2025 17:08

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 16:05

He is getting married next week and i have had no divorce papers, im informed that you have to notify authorities 3 months in advance, so that doesnt add up.
Unless it is a non legal promise type of thing, yeah i feel sorry for the lady in question , because we are 100 % still married.

Then he can't get married and you should report him.
You could even turn up and say 'Yes' at the any just impediment bit!

Original poster
Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 17:07

Ooorhead · 30/03/2025 17:03

Op he has well and truly moved on clearly

will your children be attending?

Show quote history

Dont misunderstand me , i mean physically come after me, if the " new wife" kicks him out because she isnt legally married and is upset , as she should be. Then thats my fault , in his eyes, everything always was my fault!!!!!

OP posts:
Ooorhead · 30/03/2025 17:05

“Dad, are you and mum actually divorced?”

”oh this is just a commitment ceremony”

Wheresthebeach · 30/03/2025 17:04

Why in the world aren’t you divorcing him? Get the papers drawn up and delivered straight away. Frankly I’d stay out of his mess.

Ooorhead · 30/03/2025 17:04

There can’t be any link now whatsoever… nothing financial or children related surely

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 30/03/2025 17:03

FineKnacksForLadies · 30/03/2025 16:41

Hello, friendly vicar here. We definitely do ask to see decree absolute before reading banns, where someone has been married before, but if they lie to us and simply say they’ve never been married, we would have no way of knowing they were lying, and obviously wouldn’t ask to see a decree absolute for a marriage we didn’t know existed! I’m so sorry you’ve been put in this position. A good priest or registrar should offer you some support through this too.

But surely you can look up people's names to check if they have been married before? It's publicly available online and is there not a degree of responsibility there?

Ooorhead · 30/03/2025 17:03

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 17:02

Thats what i am hoping! Because i worry if i cause any upset by bringing it to anyones attention that we are not divorced, he will come after me again, sad but true!

Show quote history

Op he has well and truly moved on clearly

will your children be attending?

Original poster
Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 17:02

Ooorhead · 30/03/2025 16:58

It will be a commitment ceremony
nothing more
will your children be attending?

Thats what i am hoping! Because i worry if i cause any upset by bringing it to anyones attention that we are not divorced, he will come after me again, sad but true!

OP posts: