Page 19 | Husband getting married

Grassisalotgreener · 2025-03-30T14:53:04+00:00

Separated 13 years, no contact since children came of age, separated as a result of dv. I was informed today that he is getting Married next week . Should i inform someone in authority? Aibu if i report him, i was delighted when he moved on so not upset he is getting married,but im astounded because we are not divorced!

Zucker · 30/03/2025 19:27

moose17 · 30/03/2025 19:13

You can get a divorce in the UK without your spouse’s consent. The no-fault divorce system allows one spouse to file based on the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage, eliminating the need for both parties to agree.
Legal measures ensure that divorce can proceed even when one spouse refuses to participate. A process server can deliver the necessary paperwork, ensuring the divorce process isn’t delayed, even if your spouse avoids acknowledging the petition.
Under no-fault divorce laws, proving fault or long separation is no longer necessary. The new system focuses on the marriage breakdown, allowing one spouse to apply for divorce without being dependent on the other’s cooperation.
When your spouse avoids engagement in the process, the courts provide options to move forward, like using deemed service. This ensures that a lack of cooperation doesn’t prevent the divorce from proceeding.
A spouse cannot block divorce proceedings by contesting the application without valid grounds. The current system limits what they can contest, ensuring individuals can still obtain a divorce, even if the other party resists.

How does this appy to Ireland?

Cucy · 30/03/2025 19:24

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 19:12

I do not want to punish him at all.?
I want nothing to do with him.
I think you misunderstood something.

Edited

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You asked whether you should report him.

If you want to punish him, then report him not wait until he’s actually committed the crime which is when he has got married.

But if you don’t want to punish him, then I would completely stay out of it and not rock the boat, especially if you think it’s going to end up bad for you.

Original poster

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 19:23

CuriouslyMinded · 30/03/2025 19:17

YANBU to report him, OP, but honestly - do you want to? If you separated due to DV and have not had to deal with him at all for 13 years, do you want to invite his presence back into your life by drawing his attention to you?
Honestly let him get on with it. I feel for his new "wife", but if he is a violent man it might even be in her best interests not to be married to the b***d as it will be easier for her to unpick the mess he is making.

Absolutely, this is all helpful, youre right and i do not want him anywhere near me.
Yes, yes yes.!

OP posts:

Mog65 · 30/03/2025 19:23

Can you not just message him and say. That way you've been up front, given him the time to stop the wedding. If it goes ahead then contact the police.

pinkyredrose · 30/03/2025 19:22

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 16:05

He is getting married next week and i have had no divorce papers, im informed that you have to notify authorities 3 months in advance, so that doesnt add up.
Unless it is a non legal promise type of thing, yeah i feel sorry for the lady in question , because we are 100 % still married.

Why don't you divorce him?

UndermyShoeJoe · 30/03/2025 19:20

WearyAuldWumman · 30/03/2025 19:13

Oh, I understand that that's how they looked it at. From my own point of view, I wouldn't have felt right being engaged to my DH while he was still only separated from his first wife - it wouldn't have felt as though he were free to be engaged.

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It’s a bit like jumping in someone’s grave though they haven’t even left it yet…

Original poster

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 19:20

SnoozingFox · 30/03/2025 19:11

The OP's financial situation and the reasons for not being divorced are completely irrelevant.

It's super basic. Sally is still married to Steve, so Steve is not free to marry Susan.

Thankyou, i was beginning to feel that i was somehow to blame, if money wasnt a barrier i would be divorced 11.5 years ago.

OP posts:

Nameychangington · 30/03/2025 19:18

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 19:14

Not in the UK

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You can get a divorce in the UK without the spouses consent ,but not without their knowledge.

CuriouslyMinded · 30/03/2025 19:17

YANBU to report him, OP, but honestly - do you want to? If you separated due to DV and have not had to deal with him at all for 13 years, do you want to invite his presence back into your life by drawing his attention to you?
Honestly let him get on with it. I feel for his new "wife", but if he is a violent man it might even be in her best interests not to be married to the b***d as it will be easier for her to unpick the mess he is making.

Original poster

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 19:15

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 30/03/2025 18:33

TBH OP, unless you are planning to marry again yourself, it's probably in your best interest right now (financially and for your safety) to say absolutely nothing.

Edited

Thankyou, this is what i intend to do

OP posts:

Original poster

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 19:14

moose17 · 30/03/2025 19:13

You can get a divorce in the UK without your spouse’s consent. The no-fault divorce system allows one spouse to file based on the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage, eliminating the need for both parties to agree.
Legal measures ensure that divorce can proceed even when one spouse refuses to participate. A process server can deliver the necessary paperwork, ensuring the divorce process isn’t delayed, even if your spouse avoids acknowledging the petition.
Under no-fault divorce laws, proving fault or long separation is no longer necessary. The new system focuses on the marriage breakdown, allowing one spouse to apply for divorce without being dependent on the other’s cooperation.
When your spouse avoids engagement in the process, the courts provide options to move forward, like using deemed service. This ensures that a lack of cooperation doesn’t prevent the divorce from proceeding.
A spouse cannot block divorce proceedings by contesting the application without valid grounds. The current system limits what they can contest, ensuring individuals can still obtain a divorce, even if the other party resists.

Not in the UK

OP posts:

moose17 · 30/03/2025 19:14

Chances are you’ve been divorced for a long time you just don’t know

moose17 · 30/03/2025 19:13

You can get a divorce in the UK without your spouse’s consent. The no-fault divorce system allows one spouse to file based on the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage, eliminating the need for both parties to agree.
Legal measures ensure that divorce can proceed even when one spouse refuses to participate. A process server can deliver the necessary paperwork, ensuring the divorce process isn’t delayed, even if your spouse avoids acknowledging the petition.
Under no-fault divorce laws, proving fault or long separation is no longer necessary. The new system focuses on the marriage breakdown, allowing one spouse to apply for divorce without being dependent on the other’s cooperation.
When your spouse avoids engagement in the process, the courts provide options to move forward, like using deemed service. This ensures that a lack of cooperation doesn’t prevent the divorce from proceeding.
A spouse cannot block divorce proceedings by contesting the application without valid grounds. The current system limits what they can contest, ensuring individuals can still obtain a divorce, even if the other party resists.

WearyAuldWumman · 30/03/2025 19:13

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 30/03/2025 19:09

Getting engaged just means you intend to marry one another. It doesn't matter if one (or even both) parties are still married to someone else or how far along you are in the divorce process. It's not unusual for people to do this, even if divorce proceedings haven't been initiated yet.
I don't find it bizarre at all, the intention is still there. Getting a divorce is just another part of the planning process.

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Oh, I understand that that's how they looked it at. From my own point of view, I wouldn't have felt right being engaged to my DH while he was still only separated from his first wife - it wouldn't have felt as though he were free to be engaged.

Original poster

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 19:12

Cucy · 30/03/2025 19:06

I’m not sure why you’d want to report him or get involved at all.

If you want to punish him, then at least wait until after he’s married.

He’s not committing a crime by planning to get married.

I do not want to punish him at all.?
I want nothing to do with him.
I think you misunderstood something.

OP posts:

SnoozingFox · 30/03/2025 19:11

The OP's financial situation and the reasons for not being divorced are completely irrelevant.

It's super basic. Sally is still married to Steve, so Steve is not free to marry Susan.

UndermyShoeJoe · 30/03/2025 19:10

Problem is it’s all good and well saying but the new “wife” op left due to DV her ex is not a safe but stupid person to her. He is violent.

In that instance it’s entirely up to op if she wants to risk her genuine safety for a stranger.

WearyAuldWumman · 30/03/2025 19:10

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 19:04

His " new wife" is not my responsibility.

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That's very true.

Smallmercies · 30/03/2025 19:10

Boredzebra · 30/03/2025 15:54

I thought after a period of time of no contact it means you’re divorced (I’m wrong)

Edited

Nopety nope

Original poster

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 19:09

Talkinpeace · 30/03/2025 18:47

No
because OP has already sorted out her will following the separation.

I do wish people would stop treating her like a child
she is clearly VERY clued up after escaping a vile situation

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Thankyou!
I have only ever read on here never posted or commented, it would help if posts were read fully before commenting, just saying.
Some very helpful and useful comments also, hadnt thought of some scenario's , much appreciated.

OP posts:

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 30/03/2025 19:09

WearyAuldWumman · 30/03/2025 18:47

I had colleagues here (in Scotland) who got engaged before the divorce for the previous marriage was through. I always found that utterly bizarre.

(They're now married with an adult son.)

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Getting engaged just means you intend to marry one another. It doesn't matter if one (or even both) parties are still married to someone else or how far along you are in the divorce process. It's not unusual for people to do this, even if divorce proceedings haven't been initiated yet.
I don't find it bizarre at all, the intention is still there. Getting a divorce is just another part of the planning process.

Icedlatteplease · 30/03/2025 19:09

I'd contact the new wife. Or the registrar if the kids know where they are getting married

Quickest way to find out if he produced a divorce certificate

Cucy · 30/03/2025 19:06

I’m not sure why you’d want to report him or get involved at all.

If you want to punish him, then at least wait until after he’s married.

He’s not committing a crime by planning to get married.

Original poster

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 19:04

WearyAuldWumman · 30/03/2025 18:43

Agreed. This needs to be reported for the sake of the new 'wife'.

Police and the relevant registrar's office, perhaps?

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His " new wife" is not my responsibility.

OP posts:

Nameychangington · 30/03/2025 19:02

Talkinpeace · 30/03/2025 19:01

Genius
And If you have his address, I would urgently send him and his partner a congratulations on your engagement card (by recorded delivery) saying you wish them all the best and that you assume he now wants to initiate a divorce so he can remarry and that you would be happy to expedite this.

Jesus no there was DV , OP isn't going to put herself in danger just to provide MN with drama!