Page 17 | Husband getting married

Grassisalotgreener · 2025-03-30T14:53:04+00:00

Separated 13 years, no contact since children came of age, separated as a result of dv. I was informed today that he is getting Married next week . Should i inform someone in authority? Aibu if i report him, i was delighted when he moved on so not upset he is getting married,but im astounded because we are not divorced!

Regretsmorethanafew · 30/03/2025 21:20

Reallyyyyyy · 30/03/2025 21:15

It's possible he filed for divorce without you knowing. My BIL did it. His wife was none the wiser! Until he told her and showed her 3 years later because she called asking for a divorce...

No it isn't.

Original poster

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 21:17

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 30/03/2025 20:33

You do know that he's still entitled to half of everything you have (and vice versa)

ByQuaintAzureWasp

And what does half of nothing equal these days?

OP posts:

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 30/03/2025 21:17

Definitely report otherwise his poor wife to be isn't getting any of the protection she is signing up for.

Reallyyyyyy · 30/03/2025 21:15

It's possible he filed for divorce without you knowing. My BIL did it. His wife was none the wiser! Until he told her and showed her 3 years later because she called asking for a divorce...

BillyBoe46 · 30/03/2025 21:14

Marriage and divorce records are public so you will be able to obtain that information directly from the relevant civil registration service. Contact information of the service will depend on where the person is located (which county)

You can look for the relevant civil registration service here - www2.hse.ie/services/births-deaths-and-marriages/find-a-civil-registration-service/

Regretsmorethanafew · 30/03/2025 21:08

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 20:46

Baguettecat
I have clearly missed a trick, regarding changing name. I am going to look into this , if it is something i can do then it will be done asap..

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Yes, your maiden name is still legally your name, you can revert to it at any time.

Regretsmorethanafew · 30/03/2025 21:07

Baguettecat · 30/03/2025 20:38

It is not your responsibility to tell anyone if you are afraid. If you want to know if he in fact has filed for divorced alreadypapers went to wrong address etc then you can take your certificate to check. If you don't even want to do that then don't. This is entirely your choice, regardless of differing opinions.

If he has invited his children then he may have declared his marriage already, and you are now divorced without knowing

Also you can change your name back to your own family one without getting divorced like change on passport then banks etc.

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She isn't divorced. Seriously stop.

EquinoxQueen · 30/03/2025 21:04

I have no idea what the rules are over there, but would him committing bigamy help I. Getting a divorce over there in anyway? I mean why would they expect you to go through mediation if this is what he has done? Just a thought.

however beyond the divorce and whether his illegal action could benefit you, given the dv past, like you the do/say nothing option is probably the best bet

DressOrSkirt · 30/03/2025 20:59

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 20:46

Baguettecat
I have clearly missed a trick, regarding changing name. I am going to look into this , if it is something i can do then it will be done asap..

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Yes, when married in Ireland you can use your maiden name or your husband's surname without having to do anything. You'll need to show your birth certificate (or other evidence of maiden name) to change name on your passport and possibly bank too.

coldcallerbaiter · 30/03/2025 20:58

I might be evil, but I would leave it and not say a word. You can inherit from him if he dies one day maybe, especially if he screws your dc over.

Original poster

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 20:46

Baguettecat · 30/03/2025 20:38

It is not your responsibility to tell anyone if you are afraid. If you want to know if he in fact has filed for divorced alreadypapers went to wrong address etc then you can take your certificate to check. If you don't even want to do that then don't. This is entirely your choice, regardless of differing opinions.

If he has invited his children then he may have declared his marriage already, and you are now divorced without knowing

Also you can change your name back to your own family one without getting divorced like change on passport then banks etc.

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Baguettecat
I have clearly missed a trick, regarding changing name. I am going to look into this , if it is something i can do then it will be done asap..

OP posts:

SP2024 · 30/03/2025 20:46

Nosaucelikemintsauce · 30/03/2025 16:09

Obviously you do nothing until after The Big Day. He hasn't committed a crime yet.
Then report and enjoy.....

Absolutely this. Don’t blow the whistle until he does commit a crime.

Scarfitwere · 30/03/2025 20:46

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 17:02

Thats what i am hoping! Because i worry if i cause any upset by bringing it to anyones attention that we are not divorced, he will come after me again, sad but true!

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If he is like this and left you and your children with trauma as you said in a prev post, why on earth are they going to his wedding and still even in contact with him?

BlueMum16 · 30/03/2025 20:39

daisychain01 · 30/03/2025 20:33

You have to find out where they're getting married and when the minister gets to the part that says "if anyone knows of any lawful impediment why this couple cannot be joined in matrimony, then speak now or forever hold your peace", you can really make their day ....

Did you miss that the OP left due to DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?

Baguettecat · 30/03/2025 20:38

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 20:25

Its not in my best interests to involve myself any further than waiting and getting confirmation or not. Its not my problem if he breaks the law. My head is spinning with it all.

It is not your responsibility to tell anyone if you are afraid. If you want to know if he in fact has filed for divorced alreadypapers went to wrong address etc then you can take your certificate to check. If you don't even want to do that then don't. This is entirely your choice, regardless of differing opinions.

If he has invited his children then he may have declared his marriage already, and you are now divorced without knowing

Also you can change your name back to your own family one without getting divorced like change on passport then banks etc.

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 30/03/2025 20:34

MN2025 · 30/03/2025 20:25

13 years is a very long time. If I was a victim of DV then I’d have been pressing for divorce back in 2012/2013 not have it still going on in 2025 unless you were waiting for him to die and you inherit his estate.

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Yes, did you not read the bit where she said he left her penniless

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 30/03/2025 20:33

You do know that he's still entitled to half of everything you have (and vice versa)

TheSquareMile · 30/03/2025 20:33

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 20:25

Its not in my best interests to involve myself any further than waiting and getting confirmation or not. Its not my problem if he breaks the law. My head is spinning with it all.

It would be beneficial for you be advised on your position by a solicitor, though, I would have thought.

I'm wondering whether you are about to be sent the paperwork which would be required for divorce proceedings to begin.

If so, you would at least have someone who could give you further advice.

Regretsmorethanafew · 30/03/2025 20:33

MN2025 · 30/03/2025 20:25

13 years is a very long time. If I was a victim of DV then I’d have been pressing for divorce back in 2012/2013 not have it still going on in 2025 unless you were waiting for him to die and you inherit his estate.

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Again, yes I have no idea what you're talking about

daisychain01 · 30/03/2025 20:33

You have to find out where they're getting married and when the minister gets to the part that says "if anyone knows of any lawful impediment why this couple cannot be joined in matrimony, then speak now or forever hold your peace", you can really make their day ....

Original poster

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 20:32

MN2025 · 30/03/2025 20:25

13 years is a very long time. If I was a victim of DV then I’d have been pressing for divorce back in 2012/2013 not have it still going on in 2025 unless you were waiting for him to die and you inherit his estate.

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You would priorise paying a solicitor over putting food on the table and heat in the house...Estate my arse.🤣

OP posts:

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 30/03/2025 20:32

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 19:09

Thankyou!
I have only ever read on here never posted or commented, it would help if posts were read fully before commenting, just saying.
Some very helpful and useful comments also, hadnt thought of some scenario's , much appreciated.

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You will find it happens a lot on mumsnet. People often do not read things properly. I've had so many people with their smug "aha! gotcha!" comments when the answer has been clearly explained in the OP.

Regretsmorethanafew · 30/03/2025 20:32

moose17 · 30/03/2025 20:01

Regretsmorethanafew

I know this may be hard to believe, but people are allowed to have opinions even go online to find out about other countries laws, politics and religions……. Even if we don’t live there. If you’re that touchy maybe MN Is not the best place for you

They can have opinions, sure. But we're dealing in facts here, and they can't have their own facts.

If you want to have your own opinions on laws you don't understand, maybe MN is not the best place for you.

Original poster

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 20:30

Absolutely correct, i would say its the cost. He wasnt in my life and that suits me fine.
Thankyou for the confrmation that i arent in the minority.

OP posts:

Baguettecat · 30/03/2025 20:27

Ooorhead · 30/03/2025 17:03

Op he has well and truly moved on clearly

will your children be attending?

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Sadly this may\ may not mean that he wouldn't want to punish Op if there's history of dv.