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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband getting married

663 replies

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 15:53

Separated 13 years, no contact since children came of age, separated as a result of dv. I was informed today that he is getting Married next week .
Should i inform someone in authority?
Aibu if i report him, i was delighted when he moved on so not upset he is getting married,but im astounded because we are not divorced!

OP posts:
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5
Neemie · 31/03/2025 07:59

If I was you OP, I would do nothing. You aren’t responsible for his actions. You have told your children and I would leave it at that.

Rocknrollstar · 31/03/2025 07:55

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 15:59

First time poster, do not know how to answer specific questions..he has invited his children.🤔

Edited

I’d go to the ceremony and when they ask ‘does anyone know why this man and women cannot be married’ I’d stand up and say ‘he’s my husband’. We found out by accident that my BiL was doing this and planned to do just that but we were able to use it as a lever to get him to agree divorce terms

RampantIvy · 31/03/2025 07:38

The OP is in Ireland @BumbleBeegu

BumbleBeegu · 31/03/2025 07:24

ApolloandDaphne · 30/03/2025 16:42

A humanist ceremony is still a legal marriage.

Not in England or Wales…assuming the OP is in the UK. It is a legally registered marriage in Scotland, as their marriage laws are different.

I know this for an actual fact, as I am a Humanist Celebrant (in England).

No celebrant led ceremony is legal in England or Wales, whether that’s Humanist or Independent (there are different types of celebrant). Couples have to do their legal paperwork with a Registrar and to do this, of course, they need to be legally divorced.

PopeJoan2 · 31/03/2025 07:23

Is he a conman? I have noticed that bigamy is sometimes part of a con man’s mo.

Regretsmorethanafew · 31/03/2025 07:20

FondantFancyFan · 31/03/2025 06:04

@Regretsmorethanafew

https://www.legislation.gov.uk/cookiepolicy

Bigamy is a criminal offence which carries a sentence.

@Boredzebra https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/how-to-separate1/getting-a-divorce-or-dissolution/

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That's in the UK. Bigamy is also a criminal offence I'm Ireland, but attending a bigamous wedding is not.

Willandra · 31/03/2025 07:18

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 18:43

Thankyou, this is good advice and i will be doing nothing.
Just feels like drama , seen it all before.!

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Yes, put yourself first.

Speak to a lawyer before you do anything.

Edited for clarity.

Battyfumworts · 31/03/2025 07:03

Talkinpeace · 30/03/2025 17:13

This is a KEY point.

OP has stated DV and financial control.
He is out of her life.
Stirring up about the wedding will bring him back into her life
which is A BAD THING

If you are in Northern Ireland, phone 101 and leave the authorities to deal.
If you are in the Republic, contact the Gardai and see what they suggest

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I'm surprised at the lack of understanding here. I got this from the original post, but then maybe it's just because I went through DV and have hidden for years, thankfully no kids and didn't marry him as he couldn't produce any proof of his divorce.

Sorry you are going through this OP, perhaps best to say nothing and report anon after the ceremony.

FondantFancyFan · 31/03/2025 06:04

Regretsmorethanafew · 31/03/2025 05:24

No it isn't.

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@Regretsmorethanafew

https://www.legislation.gov.uk/cookiepolicy

Bigamy is a criminal offence which carries a sentence.

@Boredzebra https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/how-to-separate1/getting-a-divorce-or-dissolution/

Cookies

https://www.legislation.gov.uk/cookiepolicy

Lyraloo · 31/03/2025 05:31

Boredzebra · 30/03/2025 15:54

I thought after a period of time of no contact it means you’re divorced (I’m wrong)

Edited

You don’t just “become divorced “ just because you haven’t had contact!!!

Regretsmorethanafew · 31/03/2025 05:24

LAMPS1 · 31/03/2025 05:05

OP, sorry if I’ve missed something in reading your story here, but I just want to say that I would strongly discourage my children from attending his ‘wedding’ especially if they are adults and know he is still married. You wouldn’t want them to witness and celebrate his bigamy which is a criminal offence.

No it isn't.

LAMPS1 · 31/03/2025 05:05

OP, sorry if I’ve missed something in reading your story here, but I just want to say that I would strongly discourage my children from attending his ‘wedding’ especially if they are adults and know he is still married. You wouldn’t want them to witness and celebrate his bigamy which is a criminal offence.

Regretsmorethanafew · 31/03/2025 03:49

Delphiniumandlupins · 31/03/2025 00:48

You can get a divorce without notifying the other party if you don't know where they are (or claim that you don't have contact details for them because they live overseas).

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No you can't.

Whooowhooohoo · 31/03/2025 01:34

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 18:43

Thankyou, this is good advice and i will be doing nothing.
Just feels like drama , seen it all before.!

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100% this is not your problem. Laugh inside at the folly of those idiots.

WearyAuldWumman · 31/03/2025 01:26

SCWS · 31/03/2025 01:12

This - I know he’s being very stupid, but you’ve also been very silly and naive yourself OP.

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The OP has already explained that she doesn't have the means to pay for a divorce.

SCWS · 31/03/2025 01:12

annabianca · 30/03/2025 16:02

Why haven't you divorced yet? It has lots of legal implications and complications.

This - I know he’s being very stupid, but you’ve also been very silly and naive yourself OP.

Delphiniumandlupins · 31/03/2025 00:48

Regretsmorethanafew · 30/03/2025 21:20

No it isn't.

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You can get a divorce without notifying the other party if you don't know where they are (or claim that you don't have contact details for them because they live overseas).

FindingMeno · 31/03/2025 00:40

You are so right to keep out of it.
Tell the children to keep out of it too if they attend the wedding and explain why.
You are doing nothing wrong. His actions are his responsibility and if there's any whiff of a threat to you if you get involved, it's sensible just to keep quiet.

Delphiniumandlupins · 31/03/2025 00:34

ApolloandDaphne · 30/03/2025 16:42

A humanist ceremony is still a legal marriage.

I know humanists can legally perform marriages in Scotland but don't think they can in England.

CheekyPombear · 31/03/2025 00:02

Jesslikesjam · 30/03/2025 23:03

I’d check where you are legally, if not divorced there’s all sorts of financial assets that people assume stop when you split up but actually dont

i recently read about a couple that had separated and the man had after separation had managed to go from rags to riches with a company and idea that didn’t even exist until a few years after separation but the courts awarded a big settlement to her, there wasn’t even any children involved. So pensions, house, savings get advice asap just to be safe

Yep it was that bloke who owns Ecotricity Vince Neil I think he is called.
They were divorced but he hadnt got a clean break silly billy.

WearyAuldWumman · 30/03/2025 23:44

CosyCoralCrab · 30/03/2025 23:19

Yes, in the Republic of Ireland weddings carried out by the Humanist Association of Ireland are legal marriages. Weddings carried out by the Spritualist Association of Ireland are also - these are proving popular becase the HAI doesn't have enough celebrants to meet demand. The HSE (aka registry office, where I got married) operates 9-5 on weekdays in their offices or limited other locations, the only other options are religious and in "Catholic Ireland" a lot fewer than half of marriages now take place in a church. The SAI weddings are still counted as "religious" for statistical purposes, but they can have as much or as little religious or "spiritual" 🙄content as the couple wishes, often it's nothing. Just a way of getting around the limitations of office hours and the very limited availability of humanist celebrants.

Yes, I was at a wedding in Ireland two years ago. The celebrant was a Spiritualist and the ceremony was held on the patio area of the hotel, under a canopy. (It should have been on the beach, but after a week of lovely weather it rained on the day of the ceremony.) I can't recall any religious content in the ceremony.

It's the only time in my life I've been to a three day wedding: pre-wedding dinner, the wedding, after-wedding dinner in a local pub. I had a lovely time.

Regretsmorethanafew · 30/03/2025 23:43

Grammarnut · 30/03/2025 23:11

As everyone has said you need to check your marital status. If you are not divorced it can have financial consequences.

Edited

Christ on a fecking bike...she doesn't need to check her marital status, she knows it. She's still married.

Psychoticbreak · 30/03/2025 23:33

@Grassisalotgreener you can pm anytime if needed also. Been there. Ireland is ridiculously slow when it comes to separations and divorces. I wish you all the best cos jaysus they do not make it easy for us to get away from these asshats.

CosyCoralCrab · 30/03/2025 23:20

It's possible in the Republic of Ireland to do a DIY divorce for approx. 500 euro. Now whether that still holds in the situation where the other party contests it, I can't say.

Grammarnut · 30/03/2025 23:19

APATEKPHILLIPEWATCH · 30/03/2025 16:06

It still has to be formalised

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It's a bit more complicated than that. You have to file for divorce, it doesn't just happen.

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