Page 14 | Husband getting married

Grassisalotgreener · 2025-03-30T14:53:04+00:00

Separated 13 years, no contact since children came of age, separated as a result of dv. I was informed today that he is getting Married next week . Should i inform someone in authority? Aibu if i report him, i was delighted when he moved on so not upset he is getting married,but im astounded because we are not divorced!

Mummyratbag · 31/03/2025 12:30

Stay safe OP. I hope you finally get some peace in all this.

Psychoticbreak · 31/03/2025 11:46

Elicitcoffee · 31/03/2025 08:48

No dependent children
No financial dependency on one another
Much cheaper
(sister spent 4300 euros in similar situation)

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I had no kids with my ex but it cost me not only the divorce which was a LOT more than your sister paid (did she get legal aid?) and then I had to buy him out of the house and pay off his loans amounting to a LOT of money.

CurlewKate · 31/03/2025 11:34

Tell the woman he’s marrying. Today.

Minecraftvsroblox · 31/03/2025 11:25

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I wish I didn't post so soon. In the Republic of Ireland you pay for everything. You sound settled op I wouldn't rock the boat. He will get caught eventually. You don't want him making a claim for your house or savings if you have any. This is really you get out clause him marrying illegally.

Regretsmorethanafew · 31/03/2025 11:16

MikeRafone · 31/03/2025 08:59

where did you get this understanding from?

It is illegal to lie on the forms and if they have arranged the marriage in the UK then he will have lied on the forms. The registers don't have the time to fact check every person - though they do report weddings that they believe are a shame for immigration purposes to the home office.

OP do you know whereabout your husband is getting married? rough area - don't say here. But if you do then contact the register office and let them know his named you are married him, where you got married etc

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It's Ireland. Not the UK. Repeatedly said throughout the thread.

BillyBoe46 · 31/03/2025 11:16

SallyDraperGetInHere · 30/03/2025 22:08

Marriage is public for sure, but I’ve never heard of divorces being published. Are you sure about this?

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Yeah, I actually check specifically for the Republic of Ireland. Sometimes things come up and I think it would be interested to know the answer.

snowmichael · 31/03/2025 11:10

He's about to commit bigamy
Tell the police

Allergictoironing · 31/03/2025 10:53

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 31/03/2025 10:31

But if you don’t have €4300 that is still a lot of money.

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Exactly - I don't have £430 (or Euros for that matter) spare at the moment let alone 10 x that. Some people, probably the OP included, live pay day to pay day. And don't suggest getting a loan either, as she probably couldn't afford to pay that off either even if it IS possible to get a loan in Ireland of all places for a divorce!

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 31/03/2025 10:31

Elicitcoffee · 31/03/2025 08:48

No dependent children
No financial dependency on one another
Much cheaper
(sister spent 4300 euros in similar situation)

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But if you don’t have €4300 that is still a lot of money.

Sulu17 · 31/03/2025 09:45

I get that understanding from having gone through the marriage process myself, more than once @MikeRafone . I wasn't pretending to know for sure, that's why I said that was my 'understanding'.

Unorganisedchaos2 · 31/03/2025 09:33

OP, this is taken very seriously, I know someone who got married between the decree nisi and the decree absolute and his ex-wife reported him and he ended up with a short prison sentence.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 31/03/2025 09:29

Talkinpeace · 30/03/2025 17:13

This is a KEY point.

OP has stated DV and financial control.
He is out of her life.
Stirring up about the wedding will bring him back into her life
which is A BAD THING

If you are in Northern Ireland, phone 101 and leave the authorities to deal.
If you are in the Republic, contact the Gardai and see what they suggest

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Agreed!

I am with the 5% of voting posters who think you would be unreasonable to report him.

You've done so well to extricate yourself from a horrible situation and rebuilding a shattered life for you and your children.

I see you've decided not to report - good self preservation.

wishing you the best

Edited: to say I think I've quoted the wrong post. I wouldn't even report to the gardai

Minecraftvsroblox · 31/03/2025 09:26

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This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Nanny0gg · 31/03/2025 09:19

Ooorhead · 30/03/2025 18:43

Why do you keep ignoring whether your children have ever asked you whether divorced

they’re attending the ceremony?

Edited

She said that they are aware now!

MikeRafone · 31/03/2025 09:11

ive now caught up with further posts and see you don't want to report this - letting sleeping dogs lie - seems wise on your part considering the circumstances

TheGaaTheSkaAndTheRa · 31/03/2025 09:10

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 19:15

Thankyou, this is what i intend to do

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Except that he is currently considered in law to be your next of kin so if you died, he would have control over what happens to your body and the stuff you own.

If you inherited some money and died soon after, it's his money. There are loads of circumstances where you do not want him to be your husband that are too numerous to describe here. Get divorced or at least make a start to show intent. The divorce process might highlight to the authorities that he has bigamously married someone else and you are absolved of responsibility.

TheGaaTheSkaAndTheRa · 31/03/2025 09:04

MikeRafone · 31/03/2025 08:59

where did you get this understanding from?

It is illegal to lie on the forms and if they have arranged the marriage in the UK then he will have lied on the forms. The registers don't have the time to fact check every person - though they do report weddings that they believe are a shame for immigration purposes to the home office.

OP do you know whereabout your husband is getting married? rough area - don't say here. But if you do then contact the register office and let them know his named you are married him, where you got married etc

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I know it may be different in Ireland but over here, you have to apply for a license and have the banns read or posted. I imagine at this point, the names of the prospectives are entered into some sort of system maybe?

You can phone in anonymously OP, if you are afraid he will cause trouble.

MikeRafone · 31/03/2025 08:59

Sulu17 · 30/03/2025 16:25

My understanding is that register office officials routinely carry out checks before marrying people - something might be flagged there. I don't know if it is the same in a Church setting. Odd that it all seems to be going ahead right now.

where did you get this understanding from?

It is illegal to lie on the forms and if they have arranged the marriage in the UK then he will have lied on the forms. The registers don't have the time to fact check every person - though they do report weddings that they believe are a shame for immigration purposes to the home office.

OP do you know whereabout your husband is getting married? rough area - don't say here. But if you do then contact the register office and let them know his named you are married him, where you got married etc

Elicitcoffee · 31/03/2025 08:58

Adult children to have never enquired about whether their parents divorced? Never during teens.

oh come on

AnyoneWhoHasAHeart · 31/03/2025 08:53

Elicitcoffee · 31/03/2025 08:08

Baffling your adult kids have never asked either of you if you’re divorced!

Why would they?

You tend to tell the kids you’re splitting up. The OP said it was in traumatic circumstances, the automatic assumption on the kids’ part would be that their parents were divorced. I wouldn’t even think it would occur to children of separated parents to actually ask if they were divorced.

Elicitcoffee · 31/03/2025 08:48

Psychoticbreak · 31/03/2025 08:36

The price of divorce is Ireland is shocking. A judicial separation can cost upwards of 12k and then you have to apply for a divorce after that.

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No dependent children
No financial dependency on one another
Much cheaper
(sister spent 4300 euros in similar situation)

Psychoticbreak · 31/03/2025 08:36

Elicitcoffee · 31/03/2025 08:04

But why is money a barrier when you have e no dependent children?

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The price of divorce is Ireland is shocking. A judicial separation can cost upwards of 12k and then you have to apply for a divorce after that.

Elicitcoffee · 31/03/2025 08:08

Baffling your adult kids have never asked either of you if you’re divorced!

Elicitcoffee · 31/03/2025 08:05

Rocknrollstar · 31/03/2025 07:55

I’d go to the ceremony and when they ask ‘does anyone know why this man and women cannot be married’ I’d stand up and say ‘he’s my husband’. We found out by accident that my BiL was doing this and planned to do just that but we were able to use it as a lever to get him to agree divorce terms

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And risk making an absolute tit of yourself if he says “this is a commitment ceremony”

Elicitcoffee · 31/03/2025 08:04

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 19:20

Thankyou, i was beginning to feel that i was somehow to blame, if money wasnt a barrier i would be divorced 11.5 years ago.

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But why is money a barrier when you have e no dependent children?