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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband getting married

663 replies

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 15:53

Separated 13 years, no contact since children came of age, separated as a result of dv. I was informed today that he is getting Married next week .
Should i inform someone in authority?
Aibu if i report him, i was delighted when he moved on so not upset he is getting married,but im astounded because we are not divorced!

OP posts:
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5
WearyAuldWumman · 31/03/2025 17:52

Vodkamummy · 31/03/2025 17:38

What about when the 'any just cause or impediment' bit comes up, won't the kids mention he is still legally married to you?

That might not come up in the service. I actually can't remember whether it was included in my Church of Scotland service.

Vodkamummy · 31/03/2025 17:38

What about when the 'any just cause or impediment' bit comes up, won't the kids mention he is still legally married to you?

nonevernotever · 31/03/2025 17:07

Do what you need to keep yourself safe, and leave it at that. Though I was horrified when I googled cost of divorce in Ireland. First link to a family law firm was suggesting between €10,000 and €20,000 depending on the complexity of the case. I'm astonished that anyone can afford that.

Zucker · 31/03/2025 16:59

What is The Bans?

WendyA22 · 31/03/2025 16:44

IsitaHatOrACat · 30/03/2025 15:54

Yanbu to report. No idea who to though!!

Probably the registar office where he lives as that's where The Bans will be for a few weeks running up to the wedding

WearyAuldWumman · 31/03/2025 16:36

CurlewKate · 31/03/2025 15:25

I can’t understand why everyone isn’t telling @Grassisalotgreenerto let the woman he is marrying know.

I did, but I hadn't taken in that the OP's husband is violent. That being the case, I think that she's right to protect herself by saying nothing. It might well come out at the wedding ceremony anyway, given that he's been daft enough to invite his kids.

lylagarrity · 31/03/2025 16:31

CurlewKate · 31/03/2025 15:25

I can’t understand why everyone isn’t telling @Grassisalotgreenerto let the woman he is marrying know.

What you don’t understand is domestic abuse, safety and risk.

Zucker · 31/03/2025 16:17

Widower2014 · 31/03/2025 15:57

Turn up at the church and wait for the question 'if anyone has any reason why....'

Yep I'm sure the previously DOMESTIC VIOLENT ex would take that quite well actually.

DraigCymraeg · 31/03/2025 16:16

IsitaHatOrACat · 30/03/2025 15:54

Yanbu to report. No idea who to though!!

The police. Bigamy is a criminal offence.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 31/03/2025 16:13

Ooorhead · 30/03/2025 17:26

Your adult children seem to be singularly disinterested with their father remarrying despite being married to their mother

which leads me to believe it is a commitment ceremony

more to the point why do you care if you’re “blamed”. Not like you continue to have anything to do with this man emotionally or financially or childcare related

Because she was abused by him 🙄
Read the thread, properly

Widower2014 · 31/03/2025 15:57

Turn up at the church and wait for the question 'if anyone has any reason why....'

MikeRafone · 31/03/2025 15:46

Regretsmorethanafew · 31/03/2025 11:16

It's Ireland. Not the UK. Repeatedly said throughout the thread.

Show quote history

see my next post

Regretsmorethanafew · 31/03/2025 15:39

CurlewKate · 31/03/2025 15:25

I can’t understand why everyone isn’t telling @Grassisalotgreenerto let the woman he is marrying know.

Try reading the thread, you might get it.

Talkinpeace · 31/03/2025 15:32

CurlewKate · 31/03/2025 15:25

I can’t understand why everyone isn’t telling @Grassisalotgreenerto let the woman he is marrying know.

Because some of us have actually read her posts
and thus understand that getting involved
would be A BAD THING

Neversayit · 31/03/2025 15:30

CurlewKate · 31/03/2025 15:25

I can’t understand why everyone isn’t telling @Grassisalotgreenerto let the woman he is marrying know.

Because her ex might come after her.

CurlewKate · 31/03/2025 15:25

I can’t understand why everyone isn’t telling @Grassisalotgreenerto let the woman he is marrying know.

pimplebum · 31/03/2025 15:22

can the kids not remind dad he us still married and ask if this is a legal ceremony before you make a tit of yourself reporting him

ThisPerkyRobin · 31/03/2025 15:15

Sorry but nonsence its legal weather your married in a church or register office or in a field or on a beach if the person marring you is ordaned

ThisPerkyRobin · 31/03/2025 15:12

Well i left my ex hubby 4 years later he filed for divorce. ,it cost not nothing so i signed the papers which allowed him to marry , BUT IF YOUR YOU WANT TO BE DIVOCED MAKE IT LEGAL, I WOULD CONTACT THE AUTHORIES , IF NOT I WOULD'NT GET INVOVED. HE,S FOOLISH IF HE THINKS THE LAW WON'T CATCH UP WITH HIM ,SUPPOSE 1 DIES COULD CAUSE LOADS OF PROBLEMS. HE COULD FIND HIMSELF JAILED.

TinyFlamingo · 31/03/2025 15:04

Are you sure he's not put in for divorce under the old system of 5 years separation and not provided any contact information. He would have had to pay money to "try and find you" and prove to court so very very very unlikely especially as you have children together that this could gone through but someone motivated enough and a court oversight it could theoretically happen. Very unlikely though.

Weddings need to give notice and do checks, she he is absolutely in the wrong and very dodgy ground.

The good news from his shenanigans if he remarries he loses any financial claim on you, but your financial claim still remains so he's an absolute fool to do this as you need to be divorced and you need to be financially legally separated.

I'm not sure why the kids didn't say, how, as you're still married to mum ...I would have 🙈

I'd absolutely report...his poor fiancee

FABAND · 31/03/2025 15:00

You must report it. Otherwise his new wife will have no legal protection or rights should the marriage thrive, or fail. Di it for her. Go to your local registry office and report it there.

Psychoticbreak · 31/03/2025 13:43

Even down to the COUNTRY the op is in. Very frustrating.

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 31/03/2025 13:40

lylagarrity · 31/03/2025 13:37

WTAF?

why are you recommending she potentially endanger herself?

Show quote history

This absolute refusal of people (in general, not just this specific thread) of people to take 30 seconds to read at least the OPs posts is crazy. So, so annoying. I want to report every single instance of this but I’m not sure the Mumsnet team would back me up on that.

lylagarrity · 31/03/2025 13:37

CurlewKate · 31/03/2025 11:34

Tell the woman he’s marrying. Today.

WTAF?

why are you recommending she potentially endanger herself?

TallulahBetty · 31/03/2025 12:51

snowmichael · 31/03/2025 11:10

He's about to commit bigamy
Tell the police

RTFT.