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Husband getting married

663 replies

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 15:53

Separated 13 years, no contact since children came of age, separated as a result of dv. I was informed today that he is getting Married next week .
Should i inform someone in authority?
Aibu if i report him, i was delighted when he moved on so not upset he is getting married,but im astounded because we are not divorced!

OP posts:
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2Magpies24 · 31/03/2025 18:54

You don’t think this is some sort of trick to get you to engage with him/ file for divorce do you?

GiraffeCup · 31/03/2025 18:49

Talkinpeace · 31/03/2025 18:48

He will have lied.
There is no way they could check.
Lying is what bigamists do after all.

Well, yes. I was just saying that bit doesn't happen at the ceremony.

GiraffeCup · 31/03/2025 18:48

You could go along, wait until the "dies anyone know of a reason why these two can't be married?" Bit and wave your marriage certificate in the air and say "yes, because he's married to me!"

Bring your own doof-doof sound track.

Talkinpeace · 31/03/2025 18:48

GiraffeCup · 31/03/2025 18:47

It doesn't happen at the ceremony,but the bit before when you register your intention to marry.

He will have lied.
There is no way they could check.
Lying is what bigamists do after all.

notatinydancer · 31/03/2025 18:48

Boredzebra · 30/03/2025 15:54

I thought after a period of time of no contact it means you’re divorced (I’m wrong)

Edited

No of course not. You have to get divorced.

GiraffeCup · 31/03/2025 18:47

Talkinpeace · 31/03/2025 18:24

He has to go and do the legal bit of marriage, so produce a decree absolute and his identification. He also has to answer questions about his life, and his family and “if you have been married before”.

Never seen that happen at weddings I've been to.

It doesn't happen at the ceremony,but the bit before when you register your intention to marry.

Talkinpeace · 31/03/2025 18:47

Dogsbreath7 · 31/03/2025 18:36

But it’s only bigamy if he is married so wait till after wedding.

I am surprised OP you haven’t divorced yourself- he inherits automatically unless you have a will. With DV why have any connection?

Maybe read her posts and then all will be clear

GiraffeCup · 31/03/2025 18:46

ApolloandDaphne · 30/03/2025 16:42

A humanist ceremony is still a legal marriage.

No it's not.

It will be alongside a civil marriage.

Grassisalotgreener · 31/03/2025 18:44

MagicalMystical
Thats was so nice of you, i have been very tearful and you are correct i have been re- triggered, did not sleep well last night.
Just because the abuser leaves the home doesn't always follow that they leave your head. Thankyou so much for the understanding and sympathetic message.
I will definitely be changing my name asap to get my own identity back.
Cannot express enough how nice that was to read, sincere thankyous and blessings you thoughtful human being.💚

OP posts:
Dogsbreath7 · 31/03/2025 18:36

ginnitonic · 30/03/2025 16:06

If you are in the UK you should ring 101 and report it to the police. You can get 7 years in prison for bigamy.

But it’s only bigamy if he is married so wait till after wedding.

I am surprised OP you haven’t divorced yourself- he inherits automatically unless you have a will. With DV why have any connection?

MagicalMystical · 31/03/2025 18:32

You sound like a strong, resilient, sensible woman.

You’ve had a shock with this news and I daresay it’s re-triggered the past trauma generated by this abusive man.

This news has materially nothing to do with you so you can simply continue as you were if you choose to do so. As you rightly say, the “new wife” is not your responsibility and neither is it your responsibility to uphold the law for your husband. Not your circus, not your monkeys. I mean yes, in another scenario you may choose to speak up, but you are understandably fearful of this man so absolutely I understand why you want to have as little to do with this as possible. And why should you eh? It’s his problem.

By the way, I know others have said this, but you can certainly in the UK (and I hope same in Ireland) change your name to your maiden name whenever you like, even whilst married, as that is the name on your birth certificate and has always been rightfully yours should you choose to adopt it (many these days never change it, do they?).

Anyway, to return to my original point: it sounds like you’ve had an understandable massive shock and have been re-triggered, so can you give yourself some peace, reassurance, and calm? Re-establish your feeling of safety and security?

Keep shining on - you do sound incredible.

RampantIvy · 31/03/2025 18:27

Anne635 · 31/03/2025 18:24

I don't know where you are in the world, but in England being married to more than one person constitutes the offence of bigamy.

The OP has stated this more than once in her updates.

Talkinpeace · 31/03/2025 18:24

He has to go and do the legal bit of marriage, so produce a decree absolute and his identification. He also has to answer questions about his life, and his family and “if you have been married before”.

Never seen that happen at weddings I've been to.

Anne635 · 31/03/2025 18:24

I don't know where you are in the world, but in England being married to more than one person constitutes the offence of bigamy.

ErinAoife · 31/03/2025 18:23

As you mentioned you have a separation agreement in place, the finance has already been sorted out, he cannot claim against your house or your saving. A lot of people in Ireland only have separation agreement and no divorce especially when you could not divorce until separated 5 years so most people don't bother to divorce officially since the finance are sorted only the one that wants to get married will divorce.

Lollylucyclark101 · 31/03/2025 18:19

Missingpop · 31/03/2025 18:13

Phone the police & tell them he’s about to commit bigamy as he leaves the ceremony they can arrest him do you have a friend he doesn’t know who can be nearby to sit in a car & record it all fir you? I’d be piddling myself laughing it’d teach the old Sid a few life lessons😂😂😂😂

Seriously 🤣 how pathetic is that? Tell me you haven’t moved on, without telling me!

Lollylucyclark101 · 31/03/2025 18:17

Personally I wouldn’t worry about it. He has to go and do the legal bit of marriage, so produce a decree absolute and his identification. He also has to answer questions about his life, and his family and “if you have been married before”.

They can do all the legal checks and will know he’s still married.

why report him?! Unless he’s ACTUALLY managed to get married (which is really really hard to do) and commit an offence, he’s not doing anything wrong…. So why are you getting involved?

Missingpop · 31/03/2025 18:13

Phone the police & tell them he’s about to commit bigamy as he leaves the ceremony they can arrest him do you have a friend he doesn’t know who can be nearby to sit in a car & record it all fir you? I’d be piddling myself laughing it’d teach the old Sid a few life lessons😂😂😂😂

Metro45 · 31/03/2025 18:09

Fake news....are you AI??? You're joking with us..🤔

ALSORAN931 · 31/03/2025 18:09

Listen love I did not see the abuse part!!!! Have a day off Rodney. I'd keep the vicar but he'd be doing a different service for a man like that! Didn't see the full story....my bad!!!

Shellyth · 31/03/2025 18:07

Can you not contact him and see if he has divorced you because of the length of time you have been apart. I think after a certain period you can get a no contest divorce without the other parties consent. For example if he didn’t know where you lived etc.

Johna69 · 31/03/2025 18:05

Tell him he needs to cough up for a divorce.

WhistPie · 31/03/2025 18:01

ALSORAN931 · 31/03/2025 17:52

Can you not just give him a gentle reminder that you are not yet divorced?? Lol. He's a man. It may not have occurred to him 😂 I think reporting him prior to that gentle prod may be a tad unreasonable. Give him a heads up and if he chooses to ignore....well that's a different story!

A gentle prod to an abusive man? Dear Lord

WheresYourSnickers · 31/03/2025 17:58

WearyAuldWumman · 31/03/2025 17:52

That might not come up in the service. I actually can't remember whether it was included in my Church of Scotland service.

Definitely doesn't get said in Ireland.

@Grassisalotgreener hope you're OK!

ALSORAN931 · 31/03/2025 17:52

Can you not just give him a gentle reminder that you are not yet divorced?? Lol. He's a man. It may not have occurred to him 😂 I think reporting him prior to that gentle prod may be a tad unreasonable. Give him a heads up and if he chooses to ignore....well that's a different story!

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