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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mothers’ Day is not ‘nothing to do with husbands’.

91 replies

myplace · 30/03/2025 14:18

I don’t agree Mothers’ Day is for DC to take full responsibility, and nothing to do with husbands.
When our firstborn was an infant, I asked DH what he’d do if I fell under a bus (overthinker!). DH said he’d be sad to have to put him up for adoption, but he’d not be able to keep him! Needless to say I firmly pointed out there were lots of alternatives to that, moving back in with his parents for help, getting a nanny etc.

However it’s pretty clear he only has DC (which he wanted) because I enabled that. I carried them. I jiggled work around them. I kept them
Physically alive, to the detriment of my own body. I prioritised them. Alone, he wouldn’t have coped.

I feel he should recognise that on mother's day. All the posts that say dads aren’t responsible for celebrating the mum of their dc are a bit stingy, honestly. AIBU?

OP posts:

MsCactus · 30/03/2025 15:10

He would've put the baby up for adoption if you died? What have I just read?!

My DH is currently solely looking after our DD as I'm bedbound with a difficult pregnancy. He also works full time, long hours, which we have childcare for as I (usually) also work full time. Obviously if anything happened to me he would become a single dad, keep working with childcare and parenting our children. I'd do the same if roles reversed.

Honestly it's kinda bizarre he would put his own kids up for adoption rather than parent them...

thepariscrimefiles · 30/03/2025 15:08

myplace · 30/03/2025 14:35

Honestly, I felt the same way, but there we are, I had a baby to think about.

Show quote history

Saying that if you died, he would put his child up for adoption would kill any love or respect that I had for him. That is a truly disgusting thing to say. How can you look at him in the same way once he said that?

If you divorced, would he just stop seeing his child altogether?

Snorlaxo · 30/03/2025 15:08

So your post should be about how your h should help sort out MD because you’re basically a mum to him rather than men in general who don’t behave like he does.

Isthiswhatmenthink · 30/03/2025 15:07

DH said he’d be sad to have to put him up for adoption, but he’d not be able to keep him!

Sorry, you fucking what????

TeapotTitties · 30/03/2025 15:06

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 30/03/2025 15:04

There's not a mother's day gift or card that could ever make up for that, OP. Your husband is shameful and doesn't deserve children at all.

What is it with all these 'shit father' threads lately? Always posted by someone who has no intention of bringing that to a grinding halt. I really hope they aren't real.

And always posted by someone who chose to have more than one child with the excuse for a man.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 30/03/2025 15:04

There's not a mother's day gift or card that could ever make up for that, OP. Your husband is shameful and doesn't deserve children at all.

What is it with all these 'shit father' threads lately? Always posted by someone who has no intention of bringing that to a grinding halt. I really hope they aren't real.

EnglishSausages · 30/03/2025 15:03

myplace · 30/03/2025 14:57

God no.
He earns pretty well. Saves even better.
Does more house work than me. Buys all his family’s gifts, and ours if I don’t get in quickly. I wish I could damn well stop him shopping as he overbuys, hoards cereal and cheese and cheap cake. Beige crap.

As long as there’s a system or a pattern to follow he’s fine. But the unexpected is completely unmanageable. He hasn’t managed to learn to drive despite years of trying.

Show quote history

You foolish, foolish woman.

TeapotTitties · 30/03/2025 15:02

myplace · 30/03/2025 14:58

So in the decade before my son was born, that’s what we were watching on TV.
Lots of nuclear families, as far as I can remember.

Show quote history

You son was born in the same decade as mine.

You're making excuses for how vile your husband was about a child he's supposed to love.

Broadswordcallingdannyboy1 · 30/03/2025 15:01

Snorlaxo · 30/03/2025 14:25

However it’s pretty clear he only has DC (which he wanted) because I enabled that.

It sounds like he had kids because you wanted them and agreed to do the child rearing.

Majority of men do not want kids. They only reluctantly agree because the women want them!

Sofiewoo · 30/03/2025 15:01

When our firstborn was an infant, I asked DH what he’d do if I fell under a bus (overthinker!). DH said he’d be sad to have to put him up for adoption, but he’d not be able to keep him!

The most shocking thing about your post is not your DH, but that you chose to have more children with a man who you knew thought like this. Mental.

Megifer · 30/03/2025 15:00

OliphantJones · 30/03/2025 14:57

Man is a twat. Woman excuses behaviour of man twat by claiming that he’s autistic (undiagnosed of course). Becoming all too common on here. Probably the same person trolling every time.

I know. I don't know why I've bitten tbh. I never learn. I'm sure no mother would ever accept her kids dad saying such a thing and passing it off as "oh he's such quirky guy who loves cheese tho"

Iloveyoubut · 30/03/2025 14:59

And as fictional as Paddington

Iloveyoubut · 30/03/2025 14:59

I finally understand why people vote ‘you are being unreasonable now’ because they’re just scunnered with it

Original poster

myplace · 30/03/2025 14:58

TeapotTitties · 30/03/2025 14:52

And Kramer V Kramer was 1979

And about divorce, not blokes binning their kids when their wives die.

Show quote history

So in the decade before my son was born, that’s what we were watching on TV.
Lots of nuclear families, as far as I can remember.

OP posts:

Megifer · 30/03/2025 14:57

You're making him sound like a calamitous but harmless distant relative of Paddington Bear.

He's pathetic.

OliphantJones · 30/03/2025 14:57

Man is a twat. Woman excuses behaviour of man twat by claiming that he’s autistic (undiagnosed of course). Becoming all too common on here. Probably the same person trolling every time.

Original poster

myplace · 30/03/2025 14:57

EnglishSausages · 30/03/2025 14:49

Given he’s incapable of buying cheese, I’m guessing this man doesn’t work so on top of doing all the parenting, you’re the sole provider of income?

Show quote history

As long as there’s a system or a pattern to follow he’s fine. But the unexpected is completely unmanageable. He hasn’t managed to learn to drive despite years of trying.

OP posts:

Snorlaxo · 30/03/2025 14:56

Your updates get stranger and stranger- plenty of ND people are great parents.

You had children with someone who can’t even go to the shops and buy lunch ingredients if you’d run out? Bizarre. Would a man like that even understand that other people were “enabling” his life choices like children?

Women are the only ones who can carry babies because of how biology works so being grateful for that is silly unless the woman was forced to have the child in which case she probably doesn’t want reminding.

Original poster

myplace · 30/03/2025 14:54

He’s a muppet with a bad imagination and a fondness for trains and cheese sandwiches. What can I say? If I’d known I wouldn’t have married him, but he’s been faithful, reliable, totally unable to dissemble in any way.

He says very little as he clearly unintentionally offends a lot.

OP posts:

Megifer · 30/03/2025 14:52

TeapotTitties · 30/03/2025 14:44

Oh there was another gem that blamed undiagnosed autism 🙄

Show quote history

Ah that chestnut. So offensive but almost always used as an excuse for shitty shithead behaviour when I've genuinely never met someone who is ND who would think such a thing or behave like that.

Op I'm actually disgusted by your DH and tbf it takes a lot for me to have that kind of reaction. He's absolutely vile.

TeapotTitties · 30/03/2025 14:52

TheFatCatsWhiskers1 · 30/03/2025 14:49

The sound of music was 1965, not 1995!

Show quote history

And Kramer V Kramer was 1979

And about divorce, not blokes binning their kids when their wives die.

TheFatCatsWhiskers1 · 30/03/2025 14:49

myplace · 30/03/2025 14:48

No, I mean that Kramer V Kramer was ground breaking, for a dad being left with the child, that decade.
Motherless Children were often shipped out to other family members, as dad couldn’t be expected to bring them up alone.
Sound of music- motherless dc need a nanny.

Show quote history

The sound of music was 1965, not 1995!

DoYouReally · 30/03/2025 14:49

Another thread on MN where the real issue isn't the topic of the thread.

I couldn't be woth a man who saw his children as something to be disposed of if their mother wasn't in the picture. Wow

EnglishSausages · 30/03/2025 14:49

myplace · 30/03/2025 14:44

He wouldn’t have. He just needed me to tell him, that first time, that he was an idiot and of course he was not to do that. I spelled out his alternatives and he could see it would work.

This is a man who would go hungry at lunch time if the cheese and peanut butter sandwich makings were not available. He has had the same lunch every day for about 35 years, unless we are on holiday. That’s different, apparently.

Show quote history

Given he’s incapable of buying cheese, I’m guessing this man doesn’t work so on top of doing all the parenting, you’re the sole provider of income?

Original poster

myplace · 30/03/2025 14:48

TheFatCatsWhiskers1 · 30/03/2025 14:45

This was 30 years ago, men as single parents were invisible.

Do you mean men as lone parents? What do you mean invisible? Do you think it was standard for fathers to put their children into care if their mother died? Because that’s nonsense.

OP posts:

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