Unexpected inheritance..do I tell my partner?

If you were to tell him - what do you think his reaction would be?
He has not or appears not to have any problems in ensuring that you pay your way at 50/50 on the mortgage and bills even though you are helping him to support his children when they stay with you.
He has had savings and earned more than you but still didn't increase his portion towards bills for his children when you earned less..
Your inheritance pretty much puts you on a equal par regarding savings so bank it until you know what you want to do with it. He may make the suggestion (if he knew) that you both pay an equal share off the mortgage from individual savings still keeping the capital ownership straightforward- this could benefit both of you especially as you could shorten the mortgage length and save money - freeing more money to save. There's any number of scenarios that could be visited here.
But you could point out that you have paid costs for the benefit of his children so what will he do for you going forward? Probably nothing!! So either way whether he knows or not - that inheritance is personally yours and will stay that way.

If this was a post saying “found out my DP has inherited £60k and he has hid it from me” you guys would be like dump his ass! The double standards on here are unreal! 🤨

Just out of interest, is there anything stopping you both from marrying?

Is it the fact that your finances would be merged and shared on divorce.?

On the other hand, if you stay unmarried, keep the money separate. Would he tell you if he got a similar windfall? You don't know how much he has in investments do you? What do you think he would like to do with the money if you shared it or if you told him about it.

If my relationship was secure (unmarried), I think I'd make a gift to the SDs and a similar amount to him and bank the rest. Say 2.5k each or something.

If the relationship was rocky, I'd say nothing and stash it away.

@jellytiptop

Do NOT tell him. You need to stash this money away and consider it your safety net. It's the 'rock' you will have to lean on if when you decide to end the relationship. And besides who knows what the future may bring or what housing costs will be down the road if you should split. Even with the equity from your current home you may need 'a little extra' to buy a new home.

You don't need to feel guilty. Since you aren't married, I'm positive that Gran meant this money for YOU alone.

Fantastic that you have this unexpected inheritance. I'd say it's none of his business. He's set out the financial terms of your relationship. No need to change them because you've come into some money. Can you stick £20k in an ISA before and after the new tax year as a first step? I think in your shoes, I would treat this as a sign that you should step back and think about the life you want for yourself. How lovely of your late grandmother to give you more options. Don't, under any circumstances, pay off anything joint.

Two options. No, it is yours and not to share. Keep quiet and carry on as you are and think carefully about the type of relationship you have.

Invest it/put in savings or premium bonds (PB max out at £50k) but don’t tell him and don’t pay off the mortgage. If your relationship is any but perfect then protect yourself and your future.

Keep it you're not married. If you put it to the mortgage then make sure it's in writing that it's to your share so you get the equivalent back out in the event of a split. I wouldn't do that tho. I'd keep it.

This is your start over fund should you need it. Separate account and keep it under your hat x

It's really up to you if you want to tell him, the telling him isn't going to cause any problems, those will only come if he feels he has a right to a share of it or has expectations of what you should do with the money that you don't agree with.

He has savings in his name only so it's only right, especially as it's an inheritance that your nan left you, that you're entitled to have the same.

I'd also take a step back, go sit in a cafe where there's nothing to think about other than your relationship and think about where you'd like to be in, say 5 years time.
Don't settle in a relationship 'just because', you and your future count too.

I got as far as your relationship being difficult and that’s the key. Hell no way do you tell him. Put it away in an account he doesn’t know about. That’s your security. And a good ‘running away’ fund. You are 31, you don’t need to be tied to a depressed miser who already has kids. Have a think about that.

Nope. Don’t tell him under those circumstances

If you are thinking about keeping your inheritance a secret from your partner/spouse than IMO you very clearly already have one foot out the door of your relationship and are checked out so just do him and yourself a favor and break up with him. In a healthy committed relationship where you are truly happy the thought of hiding money from your partner wouldn't even occur.

I am 34 years old and my husband is 37 about to be 38. We started dating when I was 19 and he was 23 if I found out he kept inheritance a secret from me I would 100% consider that financial infidelity at BEST and a slap in the face and high insult to our marriage at worst. We are each other's first and only relationships and we are very much in love with each other we are very close and each other's person. This would throw me for a loop considering our relationship. Because we have a relationship where we share everything. I would feel so hurt and betrayed if he kept something like this so huge from me I would be heading to marriage counseling ASAP and I would be so lost and confused considering that doesn't align with how our relationship always worked.

OP, you feel that your relationship is unstable even though you have been with him for 9 years. You pay 1/2 of all household expenses even though you earn proportionately less, no doubt you do more than half of the cleaning, laundry and cooking and help him care for his children when they with you. He’s done quite well out of you!

Put it in a high interest account in your name (or even can put 20,000 into an ISA before April 6).

If you were married and in a rock solid relationship then definitely yes. It would be great fun jointly choosing what to do with it. In your situation, where you are already heavily subsidising him and you don’t seem to be very happy, and where you seem to be at the end of your tether supporting him, I would keep it quiet for now and lock it away in a high interest savings account. It sounds like you may need it in the next few years.

He has savings but you’re worried about you having savings?

Seems to me that your inheritance just evens up the situation and if he doesn’t see his savings or investments as “ours” then neither should your inheritance be regarded as”ours.”

Gune to tell him. Not fine for him to think your savings are his, if his savings aren’t yours.

Please keep the money separate and in your own account. Don’t spend it on shared things like the house either. You’ve already described the relationship as difficult and you simply can’t ignore that you may, at some point, split. Protect your future.

Your loyalty is commendable Op but you need to think with your head as well as your heart. You're not married and your DP is in poor health, even though you were only 22 he's taken advantage of your earnings with the 50/50, you've paid for a bigger house because he has DC and he hasn't even made a will to protect you.
I inherited my DMs house, my Partner and I live there and he'll inherit it if I die first but it's my house, he knows what happens to it is up to me. I have a feeling your partner would see your money as available to him too.

He’s got money you can’t touch and if/when you split, you of course won’t get, why should it be any different for you?

No way would I tell him.

And I would make concrete plans to split with him asap.
You can do better than him.

I'm guessing if there is at least two grandchildren, 60k shared out isn't a life changing amount of money, but it isn't an amount I would immediately put on a mortgage.

I think she might have said yes because both adult daughters are not speaking to her. She has been married three times too. Loves a party.
Thank god she's too old for babies. He's much younger and has unsavoury political views. I don't get the relationship other than the bonking.

I assumed the 60,000 was pre tax

Invest the money in something secure, and don't ever let him know you have it.