Unexpected inheritance..do I tell my partner?

If you tell him you’ve had an inheritance he will want to know how much. You can save for the girls without telling them just now. Personally I’d put the money in a high-interest savings account for a few years.

So he needed a 3 bed and insisted you pay half even though a one bed was all you need.
You really think a man as mean as that will not insist on knowing how much you got.

You are determined to continue to self sabotage unfortunately.

How much did that 3 bed cost you?
Probably a couple of thousand.
No wonder he has more savings than you.

Best of luck to you OP.

It’s fine to keep it to yourself.

But, have a good think about how you really feel about the relationship.

I’ll be honest, hiding money is not the sort of thing I’d expect to see in really solid, committed, happy partnerships.

I totally agree. Id say the same for a man too.

Oh good I can see the fretting about "if OP were a maaan" has started.

FWIW, my advice is the same: it's your inheritance, and you aren't married. You aren't a financial partnership and there's no reason for him to be involved with it.

My response would be slightly different if they were on the breadline and this money was life-changing to them (in which case, advice would be ringfence it but put it as a downpayment or something on house, something tangible that will improve your lives. But make sure it's protected and not something your partner could get access to if you split, and yes that advice would be for either gender)

But this isn't life-changing money, both people earn a decent wage and OP putting it into an investment or savings fund makes sense.

Unfortunately, it does not make sense to start distributing it to the children involved. Once you're handing out £1k each, it opens the idea that there's money to give away. Then it's why only 1k? You could afford to get them each a car when they get older. etc. All of a sudden, this gift is being frittered away.

I know it's cold but if your relationship goes south, the girls aren't actually your children and you have a long life ahead of you to invest in.

No, keep schtum

Nowhere has she said he’s been poor with money. I presume he has to pay maintenance and additional expenses for his kids so 50/50 is fair enough taking this into account. I’ve always been 50/50 no matter what I or partner earn. Why should they carry me financially?!

Same here. Time to move on and your lovely grandmother has made it possible. Take it as a sign.

Same here. Time to move on and your lovely grandmother has made it possible. Take it as a sign.

Same here. Time to move on and your lovely grandmother has made it possible. Take it as a sign.

I'd do this too. Use it as an opportunity for freedom OP. (But whatever you do don't tell him about the money).

No need to be so rude. I think you are wrong, but at least I can express that without being rude and hostile.

OP chose to enter into a relationship with a man who already had children (and therefore responsibilities towards those children). She also chose to buy a property with him. None of those things are things she had to do and she knew about it all prior to deciding to buy the house with him. If she did not want to have to buy a house that also accommodated his children, she needn’t have done so. They could have rented together and each bough their own property (and e.g. let them out). But they did not, they chose to buy a home to live in. None of this is unreasonable on either of their parts. OP has 50% share in their home, having put in 50% of the costs to date.

Those children are there for only a few days of every month (I think 6 out of every 28, other than holidays), not full time. Any additional costs directly attributable to them he should indeed meet (food, extra electricty/gas etc), I agree he should fund and has not if she is paying 50% of utility bills and food shopping. OP would be within her rights to have this addressed and pay less (though I suspect it would not be massively different, given they are there less than 25% of the month during term time, and 50% during holidays).

However, regardless of the size of the house (assuming they bought a bigger house to accommodate his children), as they are not married I think it is right that if OP wanted to be entitled to 50% of the equity (or value of the house once it is owned outright), she does need to contribute 50% of the costs of buying that (deposit and mortgage payments) and maintaining it, as well as any improvements that increase the value of the home, such as an extension. She did want to half 50% share in their home and has contributed that, therefor she absolutely correctly will get 50% in the event of a split or her partners death. It’s perfectly right and fair. If she was happy to have had only a 30% share, she could have chosen to only provide 30% of the costs. It would not have been right to expect a 50% share, whilst paying only 30% of the costs of purchase and maintenance.

It is also perfectly right and fair that her partner should chose to leave his 50% share to his children in the event of his death- though I do think provision should be made for the OP with regards to her rights if he pre-deceases her.

How they split the costs of living- furnishing the house, gas/electricty, broadband, council tax, day to day costs and food are entirely different to the costs of ownership- and should be considered separately.

You don’t have to tell him as you don’t share money, but you just contribute to a third shared pot. So do what you want.

Mydietstartstomorrow
But he has maintenance and two kids he has to pay for and the OP doesn’t.
i haven’t said anything about sharing it with him it’s the keeping it from him, the deceit

It was his choice to have children and her choice not to have children. Therefore he needs to pay for the children he chose to have.

As for deceit, there's nothing deceitful about OP keeping the details of her inheritance to herself in the same way he keeps the details of his savings, stocks, and crypto currency to himself.

What works for him work for her - fair's fair!

Don't tell him or anyone else at all. Keep it in a separate savings account he won't see sight of.

Whether you tell him or not, I wouldn't comingle any of the money. Have it grow interest for your future.

Time to end it and use the money towards a deposit on a new place.

Every woman, married or not, needs a FOF. I’ve got one, and I’ve set one up for my DS too. Read too many posts where husbands remarry, leave everything to new wives foolishly assuming they’ll look after the kids, and said kids get stuffed.

If you want to gift the two children something, set up a kids’ savings account in your name; they usually give better rates of interest, especially the monthly/regular saver types. Halifax pays 5,50% and I slush in £100/month. I’d set up a basic savings account and then do a monthly transfer into the kids’ saver. That way you’re maximising interest whilst still protecting the £1000 each you want to gift those children. Right now, they don’t need the cash. Later, when they’re older and assuming you still feel the same way about them, you can gift them their £1k each. In the meantime, make that money work for you.

If you want, you can tell your partner you’ve done that. See how he reacts and if he tries to pressurise you into gifting him/them the money now.

Put it in a high interest account where you can't touch it for a while.

Use this to rethink your situation. Is this a relationship you envisage being in in 10 / 20 / 30 years' time? How does the prospect of that make you feel? Do you want to have children? Does he want any more children? Do you want children with him? Do you want to be married?...

At 31 it is imperative you answer these questions sooner rather than later, or you will forfeit the ability to have children easily.

But he has maintenance and two kids he has to pay for and the OP doesn’t.
i haven’t said anything about sharing it with him it’s the keeping it from him, the deceit

Another vote for keep it quietly to one side. I think your financial views don’t mesh well together which is a big problem, and you can always discuss the inheritance at a later date if it’s needed. He never needs to know exactly how much it is. You could always test the water with a ‘5k inheritance’ and see if he leaves you to it, or tells you what to do with it.

I guess if he died tomorrow I could possibly afford to buy out their share.

You need to be in a position that if/when he dies before you (most likely he will go first) that you can buy out his daughters. It would be intolerable for them to own half your home. They could insist on it being sold to give them their pay out and you would lose your home.
So you need to save / invest enough, i.e. half the value of the house, and have it ready for when the day comes.
He might give you a 'life interest' in his will, so that they couldn't make you sell, but you would still be living in a house that was half theirs and if you wanted to downsize in later life you might not have enough capital if you only owned half of the house.

It is up to you whether you tell him about this plan and your inheritance - I can't see the harm, as he knows that his half will be inherited by his daughters. He would be extremely unreasonable if he objected to you building these savings.

The other alternative is that you will separate at some point before he dies. In that case, you will need to re-home yourself, so will still need a big lump sum of savings.

Keep it in your own account and don't tell him. From what you've said, a eff off fund would be helpful if you need to move out.

Spot on.

I don’t understand why OP feels the need to tell him other than he has always been the one in control in the relationship and she’s compliant and she’s still under his thumb.

Given they’re not married and the relationship may not survive there is no obligation to disclose anything.

Reddit UK finance has a good flowchart of the order of how to use your savings. Open an isa immediately, cash or stocks and shares - if stocks and shares are intimidating you can park cash in a stocks and shares isa to take advantage of your limit this year then decide later what to invest them in - vanguard can suggest fairly conservative mixes and index funds.