To think that “mental load” is just another way to moan about normal adult life?

As already explained, it’s totally fine if all the adults in the household share an equal load. What isn’t acceptable is when you have one adult doing the majority, and the other is a lazy bastard.
I do think there are lazy people and non lazy people.
See also those who are too lazy to work yet expect everything free.

Usually because it isn't just being responsible for yourself, other people's responsibilities get added in too, usually a partner or husband who is more than capable of organising themselves but it somehow lets it fall to the woman. You know you didn't empty the packet of coffee beans but if the person who did doesn't put it on the shopping list or buy more coffee beans then this becomes your responsibility too whilst they head out the door to their "hobby".

Add in children and they clearly cannot be responsible for themselves, so you go from being responsible for remembering everything for one person to 4 people.

I have a hands on husband who would repack the nappy bag if we had been out the house and used items, restocked the children's spare clothes into the car for those inevitable food slops or falling over in mud. He was an equal. His Dad retired at 53, his Mum carried on working full time, she was still expected to meal plan, cook 5 meals a week and do the supermarket shopping despite having a husband who held down a job that required thinking skills. He was more than capable but refused to do it.

The jobs I had would never have spilled over into home life, we had a clear desk policy so even the cleaners couldn't see the work, it was locked away on the premises and certainly not allowed to be brought home. I also worked before email became a thing. You went home, your work was done. A lot of people have jobs that spill over into evenings meaning there is no switch off from work. They are just expected to keep checking their phones. It all adds up.

Do you have children?

The mental load is far higher when children are in the picture, especially those with special needs or other health issues. This is when often the balance goes awry.

It seems to be a new term that’s used a lot nowadays to describe everyday tasks .
not sure where it came from tbh but yeah it’s certainly a popular way of complaining about everything that we used to just get on with .

It depends if a person is just coping with their own "life admin", etc., or whether one person in a partnership is expected to cope with their own "life admin" and their partner's too. Moaning about your own, is definitely unreasonable, but moaning about having to do your partner's too, because s/he is hopeless or can't be arsed, is definitely reasonable. But they should just give their partner a kick up the arse to do it themselves or face the consequences themselves.

Oh good, another thread about this, it hasn't been done for at least five minutes 🤣

As I will say until I'm blue in the face, it's not a problem when it's evenly shared. It's annoying when it's all on one of the two adults who should be sharing it.

It is "just part of being an adult" but apparently only for women as men just don't carry it, generally.
It is incredibly tiresome to have to remember all the things for all the people when there is another adult who is perfectly capable and just doesn't.

It is just "part of life", but that doesn't mean it's not difficult and time consuming.

The "injustice" comes from men thinking "oh it's just easy, normal adulting" and totally opting out of it leaving some poor woman to do two people's worth of mental load.

Why does the old 'you don't agree the same you have to be a man' come out?

It is normal adulting but many men seem to opt out of it and expect their partners to do it for them.

You're being deliberately obtuse. You are aware that women are complaining about having to think of everything when in a partnership.

I’m both often aghast at how many women on Mn are in gruesomely unequal relationships as regards household gruntwork, and impatient with people listing completely minor or infrequent items of ‘household admin’ as part of their crushing mental load.

It’s hardly adulting if one partner (usually the woman) has to do it on behalf of another adult

Thats the point.

Because usually it falls all or mostly on the female partner? At least that’s my experience and wider observation.

Are you a man OP?

This. But with one vital addition: there is no recognition or understanding that you are doing it

But when you might be expected to "do it all" then some of course it is a mental load, recognising that things are stressful and voicing that helps people understand that they are doing too much, it isn't about responsibility.

Is this genuine OP or are you just being incredibly goady?

It's only a burden when you are expected to do all of it for the family without the other adult pulling their weight