To think that “mental load” is just another way to moan about normal adult life?

Nope, because they see their mother doing it all and expect their female partners to be the same. My grandmother worked and my dad still expected my mum to do everything, just like his mum had. Mum tried not doing it and everything fell apart, so she started doing it all again.

Generally when people moan about taking on the mental load it's because they are taking on more than they should. For example one parent managing and knowing when all of the children's appointments/activities are. If something gets forgotten they'll get the blame but the other parent should take responsibility for knowing.
Some couples have a similar mental load problem where one partner (usually a man) expects the other to remember and manage things like birthdays and chrismas, even mothers day for their family.
So no, mental load is not adult life. I've never heard single and childless people about taking on the entire mental load for themselves as that is adulting.
I suspect you misunderstand what mental.load is.

My DH is similar, so the mental loud isn’t too much of a problem in our house. But I think me and you are lucky! A lot of my friends have a very different experience, which is sad to see.

So you want women to be responsible for that as well? Why can't the men in question bloody well step up on their own?

Majority of the time it's women that raise DC, yet a majority of the time its women complaining that men don't do their fair share.

Sharing the mental load should start when men are boys...then it won't come as such a shock to them that its only natural to help out.

If it has been for DECADES why aren't most adult men now sharing all "mental loads" if they have been raised by mothers doing it all for so long? Wouldn't that be the circuit breaker?

I was lucky - my DMil had a career which DFil respected so DH grew up seeing both parents making decisions about the family and home.

I see it as describing a type of overwhelm and stress that some people, often mothers and women experience, as in feeling mentally overloaded and having an unequal burden of responsibility in the home (the patriarchy) and with DC often on top of paid work.

In the context of a more even distribution of responsibility, life more generally experienced as less stressful, cushioning factors - such as supportive family, good social networks, affluence - it may not apply.

Why is it up to the woman to delegate?

I’m carrying the mental load for five people - paying all the bills, food, meal plans, finances, future planning, daily activities, healthcare, appointments, benefits, all their household tasks and the management of such, making sure they have fulfilling lives, personal spends, toiletries, balanced diets, suitable clothing, footwear, glasses, hearing aids, haircuts, mobility aids and safety gear, birthdays, holidays.

None of them are my partner, he does his.

I think ‘household tasks’ is a term that kind of minimises the actual work. Probably because it’s seen as woman’s work. Lots of activities generally performed by women are demeaned, minimised. Stuff that is invisible except when it isn’t done. Cooking, cleaning, mending, organisation of lives etc,

If it's just a part if being an adult, why do so many men opt out of it? Because it's time consuming, takes up headspace and are thankless tasks.

Of course, they are just every day responsibilities, but the problems arise when you're the only person with these things on your radar, whilst also working full time and doing most of the parenting!

I agree with that too. But society is complex, with expectations being placed on women and mothers that have been passed down and perpetuated through generations. It’s an interesting conversation, isn’t it.

I feel like there is more ‘mental load’ now than in the past, perhaps erroneously, but there really does. Constant comms from school, helping children with homework (and to stay on top of it), endless emails from banks and insurance companies and the rest, dealing with all of the subscriptions and insurances and shopping around every year to get the best deals, planning and booking holidays and all of the things that need to be remembered like passports and meds, endless school events and outside of school enrichment activities for children to be planned and organised and then the many weekly comms about them, all of the admin that comes with having a SEN child and trying to advocate for them and get them diagnosed and an ECHP sorted, shopping and meal planning for multiple meals per meal because of everyone’s allergies and preferences, no more ‘meat and two veg’ because it got to be healthy and don’t forget to check the ingredients on every bastarding thing so the child doesn’t throw up after eating it, never mind the ‘is it UPF’ issue…
I do all of this. My ex doesn’t. My child comes back from his often ill, cold, and vomiting. He forgot to take her to the dentist when it was a day he had decided to have her in the holidays (the one day he took, I had to do all of the others) and gives her off to a female friend with kids instead for an all day ‘play date’, so then I had to rearrange it and it meant time off school which in turn meant asking the school and apologising and all of those comms and AAARGH! And no, there was no indication he would be like this before we had a child, he seemed like an honest and loyal and competent grown up, but here we fucking are.

Exactly. I can't imagine living with a grown man who needed me to wash his pants, or do his dishes, or book his dentist appointments, let alone marrying him and having a family with him. It's just a totally alien concept to me.

When I met DH he owned his own home. He did everything for himself and that hasn't changed just because we now live in the same house - why would it?

I agree OP. I think lots of people just like moaning about everything now.

Well women need to get their partners/husbands to step up and become an equal parent. Leave them to get on with it.

I do find it odd if the woman thinks the man should just know what she wants done without communicating it in any way. At what point did having to communication in a relationship become to much hassle?

Obviously it’s different if you’re up against strategic incompetence/straight up refusal to do any work.

Surely that's more to do with the female partner putting up with or taking on the job of the "mental load" and not speaking up.

If bought up to help share the load then it comes naturally to help and continue to do so once you've flown the nest.

And nobody has to stand for this. Kick out the useless partner or at least stop doing anything for them. I’ve lived with a couple of partners, it’s never occurred to me to do their personal chores as well as my own. If you’re running around after another adult and not doing anything to improve the situation you’re complicit in your own “mental load”.

I don’t think YABU - in fact my friend always talks about ‘life admin’. Surely that is just life as an adult. She is child free and single, doesn’t care for a relative or anything but according to her she is always busy with ‘life admin’. What does that even mean?!

Why can’t your DH remember about appointments, sports kit and matches? I assume he has a job where he needs to remember dates, times etc. Are you taking control and assuming he can’t remember?

I agree, as I said in my post. Ofcourse men are capable, and some men absolutely do do all of those things without being asked, but the reality is a lot don’t.

Just because your DH does, doesn’t mean everyone else’s does too.

i have never heard a single person complaining about the ‘mental load’.

I have only ever heard it used exclusively to refer to working women who default do all the organisation of household/ kids and ( often) husband without any recognition, let alone appreciation, that this is even a task they are doing.

Either this is an AI windup or the poster is using ChatGTP or Gemini to write their responses.

I suggest all Mums step away now and enjoy Mother’s Day 🥀 Let’s not engage x