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AIBU?

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Original poster

He bought me flowers.. with my own money

113 replies

Aftuwbdkaneuqbdmow · 30/03/2025 08:38

I feel a bit weird about this today and I'm wondering if I'm being unreasonable.

DP runs out of money a week or so before he gets paid. If we (or our children) need something I let him use my card. He transfers me money when he gets his wages, in this case next week.

This morning he comes in with flowers which surprised me as he doesn't have any money. I thought he might have put some aside especially, with it being mother's day.

It turns out he's bought them for me on my card. I've paid for my own mother's day present.

I could have done without them to be honest as I'm a bit lower on funds than I usually would be myself this week.

AIBU to not be happy/grateful about this? I haven't said anything as I don't want to put a dampener on the day for the kids.

OP posts:
Maray1967 · 30/03/2025 08:51

Tell him that he needs to earn more or spend less, but the subbing stops now. Unless there is an unfair expectation of what he should contribute? But if not, he needs to grow up and budget.

Gundogday · 30/03/2025 08:50

It’s the thought that counts… . Would you be more disappointed if you hadn’t got anything.

What does he spend his money on to be running out each month?

Original poster
Aftuwbdkaneuqbdmow · 30/03/2025 08:50

Kuretake · 30/03/2025 08:45

What's the normal way you split money? It's all one pot in my house so this wouldn't be an issue. Do you earn more than him or is he paying for more or do you have similar disposable income but he's worse at stretching it?

I earn a bit more than him but not a huge amount, he's definitely worse at stretching his 'left over' money and seems completely incapable of budgeting.

Although I am thinking, he has absolutely no need or inclination to budget anymore if he knows I can carry us at the end of the month.

I'm no longer happy with this arrangement.

OP posts:
PsychoHotSauce · 30/03/2025 08:49

I think my answer depends on whether he pays you back for the flowers next week. Because I've been here long enough to not be one bit surprised when he pays you back for his week's spends minus the flowers, because, 'but they were for you anyway!'

Otherwise, it can reasonably be argued that he still wanted to mark the day with what he thought would be a nice gesture, and he'll settle up with you on payday. Not great, but not as bad as the above!

But a grown man consistently out of money to the point you have to sub him is an entirely different issue. PPs are right, you are not his mother, and he shouldn't see your bank account as an extension of his allowing him to be reckless with his own.

Ragruggers · 30/03/2025 08:48

Why does he always run out of money that is the question.What happens if there is an emergency? Sit down with him and tell him he needs to budget and stop lending . Enjoy the flowers and make sure he pays you back.Stop lending money.

Sofiewoo · 30/03/2025 08:48

What’s the difference though?
My DH paid for flowers out of what is our joint money, so I could say I paid for half?

Poonu · 30/03/2025 08:47

TBF u have agreed and facilitated this set up.
It's only unfair if he doesn't pay you back.

Why would you think he would secretly save up? Has he secretly saved up before? Why do you think he will magically change overnight?

GetYourHandsOffMyBallsBeast · 30/03/2025 08:47

That's really gross and pathetic of him. You are absolutely right not to be happy about it, but why does he make a habit of running out of money two weeks before he gets paid? They're both shitty unacceptable things, but the predictable running out of money one is the thing I'd be more pissed off about, and you seem fine with that?

Original poster
Aftuwbdkaneuqbdmow · 30/03/2025 08:47

Seperate finances are due to him being bad with money yes.

I do all the budgeting and bill paying, he just transfers me his portion the day he gets paid.

I've made all the right noises infront of the children so they're happy, I'm just feeling a bit flat about it all today as like you mentioned.. he could have prepared in advance, he knew it was coming.

OP posts:
Kuretake · 30/03/2025 08:45

What's the normal way you split money? It's all one pot in my house so this wouldn't be an issue. Do you earn more than him or is he paying for more or do you have similar disposable income but he's worse at stretching it?

FriendsDrinkBook · 30/03/2025 08:42

I can see why you're annoyed , and this incident shows that this financial arrangement doesn't work for you. If you keep your money separate for whatever reason then I think you should tell him that you won't be loaning him your card any more.

I'm guessing separate finances are down to him being bad with money.

Mamofboys5972 · 30/03/2025 08:41

I think it's sh#t he's used your money, but if it's something yous have in place where he relies on you that week and then pays you back, it might not have seemed like a big deal to him? I would be bothered by it, but not enough to say anything/dampen the day as you say. As long as he pays you back with his wages! Although I'd be bummed he didn't buy something in preparation before he ran out of money, but by the sounds of it he doesn't manage finances well so I probably wouldn't expect anything else 🤷‍♀️

ZekeZeke · 30/03/2025 08:41

YANBU.
You need to sit down and discuss your finances. Why is he running out of money? He needs to reduce his spending or get another job.
Stop funding him. You are not his mother.
What are the living arrangements? Who owns the home?