He bought me flowers.. with my own money

I'd absolutely not be letting him use your card any more as otherwise he will never learn to budget.

I'd suggest helping him with finances. Work out how much spare he has a month then divide this amount by 5. E.g. if he has a spare £250 a month after paying essentials then a fifth of this is £50, so he can then get £50 cash out on Sundays to last him for a week. If the month only has 4 Sundays then the extra £50 goes to savings.

The alternative would be to wake up with no card or flowers. I imagine he's done it so that the kids have something to give you. My dp and I have done similar in the past if we're short and it's our birthday/Christmas. I think if he intends to pay you back when his wages come in then you should see the good intentions although perhaps a discussion should have taken place with the fact that he has run out of funds and how much he intends to borrow.

This issue aside, this can’t be a happy relationship

You are no longer happy with this arrangement.
That's exactly what you need to tell him.
It's unattractive,.makes you out to be a mother like figure which you are not-you are not his mother.
He needs to sort his finances out so Stop subbing him.

What are the living arrangements? Who owns the home?

Op open up a monzo or startling account and have different pots in there, have rolling savings for stuff like this you both contributed too like Christmas, holidays and birthday and occasions.
Once he can see money growing and being stable it may slowly help him re think his own habits.
Have another account for bills and what's left is his assume they are his dc.
Every month dh and I money flies out into such a system everything is covered, food petrol bills obviously and each weekend we have a set amount we can spend on going out or a takeaway.

Maybe if people's " mums" didn't sub them once they ran out of money then they'd learn to budget better.

An ex if mine was awful with money. His mum used to loan him cash when he ran out and often didn't insist he paid it back. She didn't do him ( not any of his partners) any bloody favours

. He ended up bankrupt in the end

He used the money for your children to give you flowers on Mothers Day. He did it for them. Jeez what’s the alternative? You joint the hoardes of women who don’t feel seen and appreciated today.

YABU

@DenholmElliot11 we don't , but we are both financially responsible and trust each other enough to have joint accounts for bills , shopping and saving.

Exh was terrible with cash and shared a joint account. It was absolute hell.

But.

many couples as soon as dc come along have a joint pot, as there’s often one party who does more housework/childcare/earns more

so - any mother who has a ‘joint pot’ - that’s everyone who is married, what’s mine is yours, plus everyone who joins anyway, is funding their own.

the way you manage money needs to change to all in to one pot, bills and kids out, remainder split 50/50 and in ti each of your separate accounts at fun money. If he runs out, tough, it’s only fun money, he can wait.

Blokes don’t put themselves out until they can see and feel a reason to. He has no reason to change his life.

Give him a reason. Don’t allow him to be comfortable at the expense of you. Be the stone in his shoe. Be quietly inexorable.

Surely these things happen in a long term relationship. They aren't dating they are a couple. Sometimes someone else pays out a few quid extra, or super sizes the macdonalds, or has two sandwiches at lunchtime instead of 1? Surely people aren't keeping tabs like this in long term relationship? Please tell me they don't?

Although I am thinking, he has absolutely no need or inclination to budget anymore if he knows I can carry us at the end of the month.

I agree.

I'm no longer happy with this arrangement.

I think this is the crux of why it's pissed you off. So let him know before payday that it won't be happening anymore so he has plenty of warning and then you can't feel guilty or obligated into doing it again.

What has happened previous years?

Doesnt sound like this should be of any surprise to you

@DenholmElliot11 he could manage his money better.

Can't do right for doing wrong really can he?

There are two issues here:

1. the fact that he consistently runs out of money each month and has to borrow from you - that needs a serious chat about budgeting, spending etc.
2. the fact that you believe “I've paid for my own mother's day present” - well you haven’t really if he always pays you back - you won’t end up out of pocket for your present. Although I understand you’re a bit miffed that he didn’t bother to prioritise putting money aside in advance.

The point is there’s a much bigger issue here than you effectively having loaned him money for your flowers, and that’s what you should focus on.

You know he is bad with money. As a couple, you have a mechanism in place for managing the impact of this which is to give him your card for spending to be repaid when he is paid.

In his eyes, he will be paying you the money back anyway so what does it matter what he spends it on?

The bigger issue is addressing this situation going forwards.

If I had this system in place, I can't say I'd be too bothered that he'd chosen to spend some money on flowers and I wouldn't consider it as having bought my own present.

However, if I were running a bit l0w on funds myself, I would have stated a limit he could spend or pre warned him that using my card and paying me back wasn't an option this month.

Although, I wouldn't have the system in place because it's ridiculous.

Do you do an equal amount of work and childcare?

YABU it’s not ideal but if he always pays the money back to you then he has paid really. At least he bothered to think of you and buy flowers. A lot of mothers don’t have partners who would have done so. Agree with pp though that maybe worth discussing his outgoings to see why there is always a shortfall of money each month. Hope you have a nice Mother’s Day!

Put up with what you've always put up with, and you'll get what you always got.

Time to stop subsidising this grown man. You're not his mum.

@PsychoHotSauce exactly. What would he do if the op was also shit with money and had nothing spare in the last week of the month. Why can't he get a credit card to bridge the gap? I suspect the answer is that he would just max it out.