He bought me flowers.. with my own money

I think you're right. How have any money conversations gone? Is he resistant?

What does he do for a living? I'm wondering if he could get promotion to earn more, although he still needs to deal with his shocking budgeting.

What a loser

Think about the bigger picture here for your kids.

You know he’s crap with money, you allow him to use your card when he’s short so he’s not done anything that you aren’t ok with, or at least haven’t communicated to him that you aren’t ok with.

He could have just not bothered at all and you’d have been disappointed he didn’t bother and your kids would be upset that they didn’t get you anything.

You need to separate the two issues and deal with the finances with him.

How long have you been together and how old are the children?
Do you have plans to marry?

i couldn’t live like this. A grown man in his 30s maybe older who can’t manage his own money?

I bet you carry most of the mental load well

Does a large part of this disappointment rest on the fact that a grown man lacks discipline so much, you can't be made to feel special one day of the year?

Does his lack of discipline and responsibility extends to other areas of your relationship- job, childcare, domestic duties?

Your mind must be blown every day by so much

What does he spend his money on?

you say you earn roughly the same?

so he transfers you a portion of the bills, then he needs to put the rest on a chase/revolut type card so he can only spend what he has. Once it’s gone, it’s gone.

i had a neighbour who was “bad with money” and her husband was always having to “loan” her money. Turns out she was being financially abused. She simply did not have enough every month.

so I am aware there can be two sides..

does your dh spend money on himself? The kids? What’s his disposable income like compared to yours.

Always thought mother's day is when children celebrate their mothers with the money they make, be it a newspaper run or first job. Before they make money - handmade cards? Where does he come into with his flowers bought with your money? He is not your child, therefore it is all weird.

I doubt he sees it as you paying for your own flowers as he'll be paying you back next week for anything he's borrowed. I don't think it's anything worth spoiling the day for, aside from better budgeting, the alternative would have been that you didn't get the flowers.
The real joy is seeing the children excited to bring you the flowers. I'm a single parent and whilst my children would get me gifts using their own money, I would often have to give them their pocket money in advance for it! You could say that's different, and it is, but I would just enjoy the day and forget about it.

People saying OP is infantalising DH by managing the household budget herself - should she really allow a spendthrift to take over? Risking no food for the children or unpaid bills mounting up!

In this situation I'd definitely manage finances myself including his - I'd keep credit cards to myself, give him a debit card with no overdraft facility, pay weekly pocket money into it, and plan my exit strategy!

This is really thoughtless. He spent all his money knowing Mother’s Day was coming up. And then last minute got you a gift with your money.Even if he genuinely had no money he and kids could have made a cake or a picture instead.

Because they have seperate finances and budgets. Now she’s short of money

Stop floating him at the end of the month.
Tell him you can't next month when he asks.

If he always pays you back a week later, he probably doesn’t see it as spending your money, because he will reimburse you.

That said, I can understand how this all feels a bit flat and sad. I think the bigger issue is his financial problems and the fact he has to borrow money each month, I hope this has spurred you on to have a chat with him and get that provlem sorted.

Sadly it sounds like, if he'd put money aside earlier in the month to buy something he would have just run out earlier and started using your card earlier, so you would have ended up funding your own gift that way. If you're not happy subsidising him, you need to have that conversation and stop doing it, so that he knows that when it's gone, it's really gone. At the moment he's got no incentive to learn how to budget, which is not great for an adult.

It looks to me that he pays back the borrowed money when he gets paid, thus leaving him with not enough income, so has to borrow the same amount back on a continuous loop. If this is the case then you are not actually out of pocket.
Can you have a joint account for house stuff, then keep your personal spending separately ?

It sounds like it's time you had a serious conversation with him. Some men seem.to think it's OK for them.to do whatever they want, when they want and don't grow up. I know, I've spent 44 years waiting for a change - you've got to speak up, else it'll be year on year disappointment- sorry!

Never mind today, the fact that you are accepting this ongoing piss take is very sad.

'DP runs out of money a week or so before he gets paid. If we (or our children) need something I let him use my card. He transfers me money when he gets his wages, in this case next week.'

Why are you facilitating this?

Either he gets a better job or takes on a second job so that he doesn't have to scrounge off you.

He should be feeling humiliated and mortified after doing this once but doing it every month shows he doesn't care.

Either he steps up or look at your finances and see if you'd be better off without this lazy man.

When you took on the budgeting he understood that he didn't have to take responsibility for managing his own finances.

You merely are parenting him.

So really…. It’s actually even surprising he bothered to do anything

So it’s not a particularly happy relationship on either side.

Say thanks for the bits and crack on
or address the much bigger issue. You and he aren’t happy