Accused of shoplifting after mistake. Should I complain?

and the op's excuse is she was tired

come on she weighed the half a tomato, jobsworth cashier. i hope it made her happy

A friend of mine had a very similar problem in Lidl, when trying to get help on a customer checkout. A worker was rude, angry and aggressive and implied she was shoplifting when she hadn't rung up all of the groceries yet. There was a racial element to the workers attack.

She complained to Lidl about it and they just brushed it off. Never shopping there again.

I was feeling won over by your point of view until I got to Even if you were a Mum stealing milk so what.

It would be theft, that’s what.

Why were you expecting a freebie?
So, every parent who lets their child eat food (whatever that may be) that's supposed to be paid for should also expect a freebie? That's just selfish. Why should a business feed your child for nothing?
The entitlement....

I'm going to sound like a right old cow now, but does anyone remember when buggies and prams didn't have swivel wheels? You really did need 2 hands to change direction or clunk it round the corners. I used to have the basket hooked over my forearm. Shopping was based on weight and what wouldn't tip the basket up 🤣

I was in Aldi once where at the tills a woman paid for a few things and then they stopped her. Thought that’s weird anyway…she was shoplifting by putting some items in bags from other shops, so they took them out and it was clearly Aldi branded things and no receipt for them. It’s very much a shoplifting tactic to add items to shopping you already paid for. He was likely bored or dealing with shoplifters or that is the manner which they deal with shop lifters (inadvertently you, but he doesn’t know that) keep going back in you have nothing to hide and now you won’t do it again!

Edited to say regarding his attitude I know someone who worked in M&S food and they have had knifes pulled on them when dealing with shoplifting so maybe that’s where his attitude comes from dealing with that crap

Personally I think they should get more heavy handed. Shop lifting is rife and perpetrators not being challenged and just brazenly walking out of stores. I expect the security guard just sick to the back teeth of it and quite frankly is not able to decipher whether it was a genuine mistake or the 20th time the OP had done this before.

Sorry this happened op. For those who say she inadvertently shop lifted, well that's not a thing. There has to be intention. Could have been far better handled and yes, you should complain about the security guard's behaviour. I know their jobs are an utter nightmare but getting aggro isn't appropriate ffs.

On the grand scale of things a small mistake in a retail outlet is not a big deal. You didn't threaten life or limb to anyone OP.

There was no reason the security guard could not have handled it more appropriately. And despite the judgmental attitudes we've all done something similar when distracted/tired. No reason whatsoever he could not have said 'ma'am, you forgot to pay for your milk' and redirected you to the checkout. In fact- isn't that exactly what he should have done?! What exactly did his harassment achieve for Lidl?

There is a principal of life in treating people with respect and kindness which used to be fundamental to British society. It's exactly what is wrong with the world when people don't put compassion first, if we want to get into values.

The lesson to learn from here for me would be- shop somewhere else!

Why would moving to a private space escalate something? @Ellie1015 Handling something calmly and competently would de-escalate things wouldn't it? If I had been accosted by this man I would have insisted someone look at his behavior, and would have escalated things for him not de-escalated. He does not have the right to push someone around and he handled things poorly.

Where was the manager on duty while his employee was ranting? She/he needs to pay better attention.

But in all honesty @ OP I think it's not worth worrying about or stressing over further.

he didnt grab it!
i gave it to him

it is ok - he is 30 now
no one started on a life of crime following this - and i doubt the cashier holds a grudge, or perhaps she does. seemed harsh to me - did she not See the cuteness and forgive him

Some people on here thrive on kicking people when they are down.
Op was still in the shop - she hadn't left - she hadn't shoplifted at that point. She wouldn't have done either, because she realised that she'd got the milk and would have turned around and paid.
The security guard did not have the legal right to search her bags. He should have asked her permission. That's the law, Google it if you need to, it's very easy to do.

So yes Op, I would make a formal complaint using the store's complaints policy.

Unless one is in a small town or village where everyone knows most people, that will never work. Yes, it's lovely andd good business, but impractical in many ways.
At the moment, the UK has a spate of 'eat and fuck off without paying' crimes. Seemingly normal families criminally taking the piss. So perhaps those trying to run a business are just at the stage where it's better to assume guilt.

It is a little strange though? I shop with my toddler (or two!) and have never considered allowing them to grab food from the shelves and not pay for it as a way of coping?! I talk to them and get them involved in the process. If they really need to eat you bring them a snack. They’re children, not wild animals - they will understand the concept of not being able to take everything they can see!

Prove to me she wasn't stealing.

Why go shopping if you cannot use a basket? Take your son home and go back with 2 free hands, or get your husband to help.
How much stuff can fit onto the pram hood? Do you have to place it Jenga style, or does random placement create a steadier base upon which to balance stuff?
Are groceries in Lidl harder to balance on the pram than those in Tesco? I ask because you mention where you were shopping in relation to where you usually go. Or do you think you wouldn't be accused of shoplifting if you'd done the same thing in Tesco?
How do other women manage to manoeuvre a basket and pram? Is their anyone IRL you could ask to demonstrate?
You need a strategy to prevent recurrence

The is the law. I can remember writing essays on it. Why do you think they are wrong?

Unfortunately all shop lifters "intended to pay and just forgot".

And people putting things in prams and pushchairs is a really common method of stealing.

Next time use the pull along basket. I managed to pull one whilst pushing a double pram so perfect do-able.

i knew that would cause comment

this is how to get through shopping with a toddler!
yes, i was pretty much expecting a free tomato. so shoot me, call security

yes I studied this and you have to have physically left the shop for it is have been considered stealing. I used to do a Saturday job of supermarket and the amount of people who used to walk around eating the produce and then giving me the wrappers to scan was ridiculous. I always thought at the time they would be done for stealing but it is the intent to deprive that matters and they intended to pay.

and OP we have all done it. I was walking around a shop once holding some chocolate I was going to pay for the children. My husband went to the checkout to pay but I didn’t think about what I was holding as I’d been holding it for so long. I just walked out with it, got halfway down the road before I realised and obviously ran back to pay. We have also walked out of a bar having not paid the tab and had to return.

before this horrible spate of mass thieving, genuine errors would just have been paid for and everyone would have just moved on.

They don't have time to look at cameras properly they have to decide there and then if you have potentially stolen or not and act.

Looking on cameras and you would have been long gone

Actual shoplifters will also have a story like yours so of course security guard won't be happy and will thoroughly check receipt. Asking a genuine shoplifter to move to private area is likely to escalate the situation too.

You made a mistake, the security guard was just doing his job. You have nothing to complain about. You were embarrassed by your own mistake not the staff.

Mistakes have consequences.

If I mistakenly drive on the wrong side of the road and that mistake leads to me hitting your car, the mistake has a consequence - a claim on my insurance and potentially I am charged with driving without due cause and attention.

If I mistakenly read my flight time incorrectly and miss my flight that mistake has a consequence of my needing to buy a new ticket.

The OPs mistake of not paying for milk had a consequence of being accused of theft and having her belongings searched. That mistake is not the burden of the shop. It's hers to learn from.

It's not when you get outside the store you can be accused it is once you are past the last point of payment, so when you have gone through the tills and are heading to the exit. People do come in with prams to steal , some have babies in some don't. That said he could have been less aggressive

Every single shoplifter ever says it’s a mistake.
You're upset and annoyed with yourself- own it and move on. Don't transpose that into others.

Why did you expect not to be charged for the tomato?