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AIBU?

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Original poster

Accused of shoplifting after mistake. Should I complain?

262 replies

MARG07 · 30/03/2025 02:24

Tonight I went to Lidl which I go occasionally to (I'm not a regular shopper there and prefer Tesco, but I was shopping near it and popped into get a few items) I was pushing my 2 year old son in a push chair. He was asleep, and I had the hood pulled all the way down on the stroller. I got yogurts and put them on the hood (I was only getting a few things and couldn't get a trolley or basket as I was pushing my son) then i got milk and realising it would fall off the hood as there was already stuff on it (as it wasn't folded up but pulled all the way down) because he was asleep, in a split second I put it in a carrier bag I had at the side of the pushchair on a clip. Stupid I know but I wasn't thinking.

I then got two birthday cards and some chocolate and placed them on the hood as they were small and would not fall off, and proceeded to the check out. I didn't sleep well and was exhausted also. I was in a queue and by the time my turn came I paid for everything and began to walk out, as I was putting the stuff in the bag I suddenly saw the milk and remembered it, but before I could do anything, an aggressive security man began to shout at me and proceeded to accuse me of stealing. He pulled out all the items i had, including stuff I'd purchased minutes before in another shop and kept shouting to give it all back. (One or two items they sold too) I had a receipt for the stuff from another shop, and kept telling him to look at it. He just kept ranting and rifling through all my stuff though really really aggressively. Everyone was staring and another customer came over with my receipt which i had not taken, and handed it to him, he looked at it and then started going on about the milk not being on it and I was lost for words. I felt so embarrassed at everyone looking and couldn't properly defend myself.

I said it was a mistake that i only put the milk in the carrier bag as it would have fallen off the stroller, and that I couldn't carry a basket and push my sleeping son at the same time. But he was so aggressive and didn't listen at all.. He then just grabbed the milk and walked off. I still wanted the milk (it was actually what I'd gone in for) and was about to pay but he just left. I was almost in tears and just walked out.

It was a genuine error and I feel it should have been handled better. I told my husband when I came home and said I want to go back and officially complain, but he said as I didn't pay its my fault and better to just drop it. AIBU to ask for a manager tomorrow & make a complaint? Or should I just leave it? I can't stop thinking that maybe someone I knew saw me there and thinks I'm a shop lifter. I feel sick..

My husband however said to just forget it and go back there to shop again if I want to, as I've nothing to hide, but not to complain over it. He thinks it's best to just act like it didn't happen.

Any advice?

OP posts:
Leafy74 · 30/03/2025 11:15

Myalternate · 30/03/2025 11:14

There’s a YouTube video doing the rounds of a couple of women in a store in the US. They’d found a discarded receipt and used a trolly to get all the exact same items. If challenged they could just produce the receipt.

Moral of the day…ALWAYS keep your receipts.

Thanks for the tip!
I'm off to Tesco.

Myalternate · 30/03/2025 11:14

There’s a YouTube video doing the rounds of a couple of women in a store in the US. They’d found a discarded receipt and used a trolly to get all the exact same items. If challenged they could just produce the receipt.

Moral of the day…ALWAYS keep your receipts.

SunnyViper · 30/03/2025 11:14

Thewolvesarerunningagain · 30/03/2025 11:10

Why does everyone always trot out the line that shoplifters cost consumers money because the costs get passed onto us. Heavens forfend that supermarkets should have to absorb loss due to crime themselves, as every other business has to.
I know this is not the point of the thread.

Others businesses don’t absorb loss either. It gets passed on to the buyer.

Podgeys1 · 30/03/2025 11:13

Complain and ask for the CCTV to be viewed.
Awful behaviour and completely unnecessary.

Thewolvesarerunningagain · 30/03/2025 11:10

Why does everyone always trot out the line that shoplifters cost consumers money because the costs get passed onto us. Heavens forfend that supermarkets should have to absorb loss due to crime themselves, as every other business has to.
I know this is not the point of the thread.

Leafy74 · 30/03/2025 11:10

ThreeLocusts · 30/03/2025 10:44

This. And to all the posters who imply that the OP was 'trying out' the pram method, do you really think she would be posting about it here in that case?

This is the sort of mistake you make when you're sleep deprived with a toddler. The PP who argued that it only becomes shoplifting when you leave the shop sounds well-informed and I'd take her advice.

So OP definitely go back there if it's convenient and hold your head high. But if you want to complain, you will have to be very careful to explain what the issue is. This thread shows how easy it is to misinterpret the events in your disfavour. It may be more trouble than it's worth to complain.

Galling, though, as the guard was definitely out of order. Yes they must be fed up with the amount of shoplifting going on, but that doesn't give them the right to lob blanket accusations and try to ignore proof of payment.

Show quote history

But she didn't have proof of payment. She didn't pay.

SunnyViper · 30/03/2025 11:01

So you stole some good and now want to complain? lol

diddl · 30/03/2025 10:50

This is the sort of mistake you make when you're sleep deprived with a toddler.

🙄

ThreeLocusts · 30/03/2025 10:44

OldCottageGreenhouse · 30/03/2025 03:35

Why are there so many people on this thread pretending to not understand what OP’s very valid point is? It’s not that she was challenged, it was the MANNER IN WHICH IT WAS DONE.

This. And to all the posters who imply that the OP was 'trying out' the pram method, do you really think she would be posting about it here in that case?

This is the sort of mistake you make when you're sleep deprived with a toddler. The PP who argued that it only becomes shoplifting when you leave the shop sounds well-informed and I'd take her advice.

So OP definitely go back there if it's convenient and hold your head high. But if you want to complain, you will have to be very careful to explain what the issue is. This thread shows how easy it is to misinterpret the events in your disfavour. It may be more trouble than it's worth to complain.

Galling, though, as the guard was definitely out of order. Yes they must be fed up with the amount of shoplifting going on, but that doesn't give them the right to lob blanket accusations and try to ignore proof of payment.

stillhiding1990 · 30/03/2025 10:36

I would say security is a profession, they need accreditation through a professional body, training etc - in what ways is it not a profession?

katepilar · 30/03/2025 10:33

I think you should give feedback to the shop. He had no right or reason to behave aggressively or go through your bags without your permission. Its obviously not ideal what you did but any mother or a woman would understand this way better than him.

Serencwtch · 30/03/2025 10:27

CantStopMoving · 30/03/2025 09:28

Yes but irrelevant- she has to have left the shop for the offence to have occurred. If he stopped her inside, she just has to say, oh I was just about to pay for that and go and pay.

Show quote history

That's not the case at all.
The offence occurs if someone has passed all points of payment & not made an attempt to pay.

Supermarkets are now designed with that in mind so you have opportunity to stop a shoplifter after the point of payment but still on the premises.

CantStopMoving · 30/03/2025 10:26

diddl · 30/03/2025 10:14

I thought that you had to go out of the shop before they could stop you?

Why couldn't you manage a shopping basket?

Technically a security guard can stop you whenever they like. There is no law at all to stop any interaction . The difficulty is, to prove an offence of shoplifting if they wanted to take it to court, the element of action and intent is what will be presented as evidence. Usually when the guards stop someone in the doorway, they aren’t going to call the police, they are doing it to shame you so if you know you have been clocked and so with either not do it again or you go elsewhere.

From what I have seen, if you watch the programmes where they follow security of shopping centres and they watch people stuff things in their coats to hide them, they usually wait for them outside of the door to ensure they have the element of physically leaving the store. If they stop them before, they aren’t usually getting the police involved. They usually use it as their own evidence for the shopping centre to ban the people from coming in the shopping centre again.

I accept that you might technically get a conviction if the person hasn’t left the store but I doubt it happens very often unless it was a repeat offender. If the person says I had money to pay for the items, if you were on the jury, could you beyond reasonable doubt be sure they wouldn’t have paid?

AmateurNoun · 30/03/2025 10:25

Why is everyone getting so hung up on the legal definition of theft?

The security guard didn't try to get OP charged with theft. He just put the milk back.

I still think that OP is in a weak position to complain given that she had been through the tills without paying for the milk which she had put in her bag.

Serencwtch · 30/03/2025 10:24

Cerealkiller9000 · 30/03/2025 07:31

They need to prove you had intent to deprive them of the goods.

Passing all points of payment & making no attempt to pay meets the threshold for intent

fingertraps · 30/03/2025 10:23

MummyJ36 · 30/03/2025 09:28

So are a lot of jobs but that doesn’t give you a free pass to be aggressive and humiliate someone. He will have undergone training like everyone else, he won’t have wandered in off the street, and I doubt part of the training was what was described in the OP.

Any job you are doing and being paid for requires a level of professionalism that I don’t think was displayed on this occasion. That’s why I said OP should feed back, not necessarily complain, that the way this was handled was upsetting and unprofessional.

Show quote history

If OP isn’t exaggerating, then sure.

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 30/03/2025 10:23

Leafy74 · 30/03/2025 08:36

Some people on this thread seem to believe that the rules should be different for a mum with a pram

That really does women a disservice.

The rules at this Lidl already are different for mums with buggies. I can't imagine the security guard would have done this to a bloke built like one of the Gladiators.
So he picked on someone smaller than him.

Topsyturvy78 · 30/03/2025 10:23

My son used to scream in shopping trolleys. I used to push him around in his buggy and struggle with a basket. I would never put items in a bag on the buggy before paying.

Sunshineandblueskysalltheway · 30/03/2025 10:23

'Why are there so many people on this thread pretending to not understand what OP’s very valid point is? It’s not that she was challenged, it was the MANNER IN WHICH IT WAS DONE.'

Because they're nasty, gaslighting cunts exactly like the security guard.

OP you should complain about his behaviour. He did it because he saw an opportunity to scare and intimidate a woman.

Neemie · 30/03/2025 10:22

Your mistake created this scenario and therefore it would be very entitled to complain about it. Don’t compound the error by being a dick about it.

We all make mistakes. Move on and forget about it.

fingertraps · 30/03/2025 10:21

I hated people who did things like this when I worked in retail, putting things in bags or tucking them away in prams and pushchairs - how the hell do you think staff are supposed to differentiate between people who are actually trying to steal and people who ‘just can’t manage a basket’. Drove me mad. You shouldn’t complain about this, you were and are very unreasonable. Sorry.

TequilaNights · 30/03/2025 10:20

It's embarrassing, but easy mistake, could happen again, don't be angry at the staff for doing their job.

diddl · 30/03/2025 10:14

I thought that you had to go out of the shop before they could stop you?

Why couldn't you manage a shopping basket?

RocketDog101 · 30/03/2025 10:10

keffie12 · 30/03/2025 10:06

@MARG07I would write a letter of complaint rather than going in to the store and seeing the manager. That way you can lay out the details calmly that it was the way the security guard treated you rather than him stopping you. This is the AI response to what you have asked below. I have also private messaged you a template letter copy to use.

To clarify the legal position in the UK:

  1. Can someone be stopped before they leave a store?
Yes, technically, store staff or security can stop a person before they leave the store if they have a genuine suspicion that a theft may occur. However, this should be done reasonably, respectfully, and without causing public embarrassment, especially if the person hasn't even tried to leave the premises.
  1. What if the item was genuinely forgotten?
Intent is important. Forgetting to pay for an item—especially something placed under a buggy—is not the same as stealing. If your friend immediately turned back to pay before leaving the store, then she clearly hadn’t intended to take it without paying. That should have been obvious to any fair-minded person.
  1. Was the security guard’s behaviour appropriate?
No. Shouting, causing a scene, and not allowing your friend the chance to explain or pay was unprofessional and potentially a breach of her rights. Stores are expected to follow protocols and treat customers with respect. If your friend had the receipt and there was no attempt to leave with unpaid goods, the guard should have de-escalated, not humiliated.

Make a formal complaint to Lidl, outlining what happened, how it was handled, and how it made you feel. They need to know if their staff are behaving like that—it’s not acceptable.

This is very good advice!

RocketDog101 · 30/03/2025 10:08

It may help talking to the manager so you can at least feel you've had the opportunity to give your side - its unlikely anything will happen but it may help you feel validated?

I remember being so tired and overwhelmed with a baby, walking around Sainsbury's to get a few things and picked up some baby vests as well. I had put everything (I had got a bit carried away, it was falling everywhere!) through the self scanner and was about to pay when a security guy came up to me and shock horror told me I had forgotten to put the baby vests through hanging on strollers hood 🙈 I think my sleepy-embarassed-fumbling-apology was enough and I thanked him for telling me (I was mortified even then!). He wasn't rude or aggressive 🙄 he didn't go out of his way to belittle me and highlight how forgetful I was.

I would sometimes use the empty basket under pushchair to put shopping, never once was I accussed of shoplifting (maybe the vibes of being accused gave a deterrent, who knows 🤣). It could be argued that why would you pay for other items and not the milk if it wasn't a mistake? 🤷‍♀️ or if it was high value items. It's like when walk out of a supermarket and the alarms go off 😆 you kinda freeze (I walk out with receipt in my hand for this reason) only to be waved out by security.