Accused of shoplifting after mistake. Should I complain?

TL:DR. OP shoplifted milk by mistake and was caught.

We aren't talking about every single shoplifter. It's OP's case we are discussing based on taking what she has written at face value.

Which would be fine if every single shoplifter didn’t claim that it was a mistake.

You can't attempt to make a mistake. Either there is intent, or a mistake. Not both.

The security guard was insisting that she return goods she had purchased elsewhere for which she had a receipt as well, without bothering to look at it. He was clearly on a power trip.

OP, I would go back and complain. "Just doing my job" doesn't cut it in every situation. There's a way to do it, even if he's tired of seeing shoplifters all day.

He dealt with it poorly. Approaching anyone like that, accidental or deliberate shop lifter, indicates a poor understanding of risk management.

Women with pushchairs are absolutely notorious for shoplifting in retail however, so security guards and shop staff alike do watch them.

Security guards are 9/10 times not employees of the company itself but agency staff so the shop itself has nothing to do with bringing a specific individual in but they can refuse to have them on site if (legitimate) complaints are made.

Out of interest @MARG07, did this happen in Cardiff? I only ask because I see a lot on local social media about a security guard Cardiff Lidl’s use approaching women and accusing them of shoplifting.

OP I’m very sorry this happened to you. The security guard acted out of order in the manner he conducted the search.
i know how easy it is to have made a mistake like that because it happened to me.

a long time ago when my Dsis children were young we were all in town and we noticed a new shop had opened.

we went in for a look around but didn’t get a basket because we never intended to buy anything.

it was one of those little shops that sold everything under the sun from cleaning products, cosmetics, tools, stationery… well you get the idea I’m sure.

of course when you look around these shops you suddenly discover lots of things you need.
I picked up two rather long pencil cases and tucked them under my arm while we continued shopping.

we soon had quite a few things so my DSIS went to get a basket.

we paid at the checkout and made our way out. Just as we reached the door I realised I still had the pencil cases under my arm.
“I haven’t paid for these I gasped” and just as I turned around to go back and pay the lady on the checkout was behind me.

she heard what I said and realised what I’d done and could tell by my face I genuinely forgot to pay RSA’s I was on my way back in.

I nearly died of embarrassment but she said it happens more than you think.

I had a very different experience than you and can imagine how you felt being shouted at and abused by that security guard.

some might say that he was just doing his job but there’s a way to handle it and that certainly wasn’t it.

I would go back and explain to the shop management and demand an apology from the horrible little man throwing his weight around as I’m sure if you really were shoplifting you’d have tried it with something a lot more expensive to make it worth your while.
I hope you’re getting over your awful experience with this jumped up little jobsworth. 💐

I’ve never met a shop security person who hasn’t been on a complete power trip. I’m sure that these shops hire the rudest, most aggressive people they can find. I imagine they probably abuse their wives as well.

Even if the OP had walked out of the store without having paid for the milk and it had been shoplifting, let’s be honest, the security guard’s attitude won’t be because he’s sick of people shoplifting, it’s because he saw op as a soft target. Woman with a young baby, and then pounced.

I wouldn’t complain because it’s pointless. But tbh I think that something needs to be done about these shop security staff, because they’re all as horrible as each other.

This exact thing happened to me. However, the police were called and I was banned from every store. I was absolutely devastated.

The item was fragile so I put on top of my pram instead in the basket so it didn’t get damaged then forgot to hand it over to the cashier. Instead of reminding me, the cashier let me leave the store, then alerted security came at me like 10 men in the street. I was absolutely terrified of this huge man running after me in the street as I’d absolutely no idea what I’d done at that point. The police reviewed CCTV with the store manager and agreed I didn’t ‘conceal’ the item so I wasn’t prosecuted.

It was an awful experience. I was inconsolable. My baby was a couple of months old, a prosecution would likely of led to me losing my job. The item was £1.99. It took me ages to get over it.

This is interesting, I just posted about a similar incident I had and I didn’t complain, I actually might and quote this now, thank you.

I had this in Asda the other day.

I used the scan and go regularly and a new manager seemed obsessed with watching me closely as if she assumed I was stealing. I thought I was being paranoid but DP noticed and a friend when we shopped together.

I had several “quality checks” with no issues and she seemed disappointed when I passed them, I have no idea what her issue was with me but tried to just ignore it.

I swim most evenings then finish at the same time DP finishes work then we go to Asda as there is usually lots of reduced food, it saves us money to shop like this.

About 2 weeks ago I had a check when using the scanner and a couple of the reduced items hadn’t scanned, we had needed quite a bit of shopping on top of the usual reduced items but when she did the check an item didn’t show as scanned.

It was like it was the moment the manager had been waiting for, she did a rescan at the checkout in front of the other shoppers and I had a second item (same product as the other) that also hadn’t scanned, out of a £78 shop there were two £1.50 items that hadn’t scanned.

I wouldn’t have been angry about being checked and I was obviously in the wrong for not checking they had scanned properly but I was treated like a proper criminal, what really wound me up was the manager was lying saying I had been a problem in the past and failed previous checks, when I said I hadn’t and asked her to elaborate she just shook her head and ignored me.
In front of other shoppers she quizzed me about why I use the scanner, I said I only do for a bigger shop because it adds it up so I know what I’m spending, she said loudly “you ALWAYS use it”.
I actually don’t!
Another member of staff came over and the manager pointed at me and said “SHE is NEVER to use the scanner” then gestured to the self checkout and said to me “you are NEVER to use these again” despite the fact when we go at 10.30pm the normal checkout isn’t open.

I was so upset and embarrassed, I considered complaining to the store but it’s hard when technically I was in the wrong really. I feel the same as you OP it’s how it was handled. I feel like they can’t challenge more aggressive people who are deliberately shoplifting so take it out on the people who made a genuine mistake and won’t argue back, the items that didn’t scan with the self scan didn’t scan on the checkout either.

I have no idea why I was targeted to start with, it was either a mistaken identity, a personal grudge against me (small town) or maybe because I was reprimanded by another member of staff for not paying for a carrier bag a few months before. The way they guard the carrier bags like they are made from the Crown Jewels I’m guessing that’s the most likely scenario and it was because the previous bag I paid for split at the door.

There were no staff on this occasion guarding the bags so I grabbed another but a staff member saw me just taking the bag and came racing over and gave me a stern talking to.

I wasn’t going to go back but in the end I thought that would just make it look like I’d done it on purpose, other staff tried to scan my shopping for me the first time but DP told them to go and catch some proper shoplifters and they have backed off, I’ve not seen the same manager since though.

I know how angry and upset you must feel OP, I wish I’d stood up for myself more - especially when the items didn’t scan on the checkout so it’s obvious I was genuine. These supermarkets will alienate shoppers whilst people intentionally shoplifting are ignored as they walk out with expensive items because they won’t react well if challenged. I think it’s fairly obvious that we aren’t career criminals over a carton of milk and two packets of cheese strings!

The OP wasn’t shoplifting. Inadvertently or not.

Shoplifting comes under the Theft Act 1968.
“A person is guilty of theft if he dishonestly appropriates property belonging to another with the intention of permanently depriving the other of it”

The word intention is right there. You can’t inadvertently intend to do something!

The security guard was in the wrong and even if he suspected the OP was shoplifting he is not a judge or magistrate, or even the police, it’s not his call to make and there was no need to be aggressive.

Yeah he might be sick of people stealing but that doesn’t mean he gets to shout at the OP. In my line of work, I get sick of people turning up late for appointments but I don’t shout at them in front of a waiting room full of people!

Why should the security guard quietly approach you as a shoplifter? He clearly saw you take the milk, saw you pay for some of your shopping and then try to leave. Shops have thefts all day, you was another trying to steal.

You know you wasn't and you made an error that made you look like a thief. Take it as a lesson learnt not to sho when you are so tired and not to put things on bags.

Complain if you want but I think you should accept your error and move on in life.

An allied tale. (How you'd like to be treated!)

n.b. Unlike some countries, in Australia, we stop at the bowsers and put petrol/diesel in our cars ... and then we go inside and pay the cashier. The crime of "drive-off"s is regarded as theft and a low act. At most service-stations, prosecution is all but INSTANT and without favour/consideration. Key word: most ... not ALL, thank goodness.

Back in the day, about 2010, when a $AUD45 was a 'big fill' my ex-wife filled her car on a busy morning. As she went in to join the queue to pay, her mobile phone rang and she stepped to near the fridges to answer a colleague's detailed enquiry.

She then returned to the car to read information from her work folder to her colleague.

She was sitting behind the steering-wheel as her call ended and, as proximity would rule, she drove off.

Luckily, the cashier on duty, reviewed the tapes, though he sort of knew my ex-wife and asked the police notification line for a contact number. She was phoned at work, advised what had happened and offered the chance to return by close-of-business and settle the unpaid $AUD45.

Someone, in a right mind, assumed that he'd rather not lose a potential longer term customer by automatically going to prosecution. Nice thought on his part ... for the next 10-11 years, she bought her fuel there even when that service-station's prices were not the cheapest or best value in town.

Maybe, the OP needs someone who assumes less and has the good sense to act judiciously first.

The security guard was clearly on a power trip and should have at least begun politely. However, when I worked in retail before tags and CCTV were invented, we were told that folded buggy hoods and carrier bags from other shops were all textbook shoplifting tactics. Tired or not, you were concealing your goods.

It worked for Richard Madeley.

Because the whole thing is meant to deter her from attempting it again.

Not a nice experience for you and of course it could have been better handled. Your mistake was putting the item inside an actual bag, rather than holding it (not too difficult to do with the buggy) or even putting it in the buggy basket.

Sorry OP you won't get much sympathy here, mner's are psychotically aggressive about shoplifting in any shape or form.

I'm not one to complain usually but I'd definitely be asking to see their policy about bag searches as rifling through your things is not on. They should review the security footage as well.

Something came in recently didnt it (?) whereby shop staff are allowed to look through bags from other shops to ensure you haven't snuck any goods in. I'm sure the rule or legislation is far clearer than that!

I'm completely on your side OP, you've been handled badly and humiliated by someone who was probably desperate to be the big I Am.
I'd only let it go because pursuing would probably cause me more stress.

I had an incident once where I bought £42 of shopping. Used a £15 food voucher that children entitled to FSM get.
I'd bought some alcohol totalling £9...Everything else was fresh fruit, veg, meat, chicken or fish.

The woman on the till gets my receipt, looks at it and tells me I can't have the alcohol - even though I'd paid £27 in cash. I was just completely bemused, went to take the receipt. She wouldn't let me have it and then showed it to the person behind me in the queue telling me that I was using food vouchers for alcohol!

So I understand the humiliation. I complained in store and via telephoning customer services... Both agreed she clearly was in the wrong. I got a £10 voucher and was told especially to treat myself to a drink with it! They took staff name, till number etc and promised that she'd receive extra training (I doubt she did).

So if you are going to pursue a complaint, think about the solution you are looking for, and also consider whether it is worth it stress wise. Maybe you just want an apology and not to feel like a villain should you go in store again and I wouldn't blame you. I just don't think they'll compensate you in any way.

It was an honest mistake, and no crime was committed. An actual shoplifter is very unlikely to return and complain.

Anyone with a shred of common sense would see that if OP went back to complain. At the very least, the security guard should be retrained so that they don't make the same mistake again.

I can’t believe some of the responses here. I am in Australia so maybe it’s different but… I really think this is unfair. You’re a Mum and when I had a toddler I was exhausted. I am still exhausted and he’s 8 & navigating shops with a pram is so tricky.

I have actually not paid for petrol because in my rush and tiredness I just nodded and said I didn’t have petrol. The ladies in there didn’t call the cops but instead waited for me to come back as I was a regular and it was laughed off.

Ive also done the same thing at IKEA when I was purchasing heaps and distracted by my kid. The security guy was watching me like a hawk and noticed but he was understanding.

I am sure there’s other examples as I’m so forgetful by nature and suffer from tiredness, usually with a kid in tow.

I also think it would be strange to buy 8 groceries and risk shoplifting for 1 very cheap item.

Even if you were a Mum stealing milk so what. You have a toddler - of all the stealing offences, a Mother stealing milk for her 2 year old is one that would garner sympathy. If you were a character in an 1800’s film nobody would judge you. You would have to be desperate to steal milk.

I don’t think it’s deliberate, I think you were dealt with unreasonably. The people in the store will forget your face as it was such a short moment.

Also this has happened to a friend of mine when she left a store without a receipt and had to go back to the bin and get it and there was a huge scene. This stuff happens - don’t feel bad ! People walk out and forget stuff genuinely - especially tired Mums battling kids, bags, prams etc.

Yes this, sure it was unintentional but they didn't know that

But you have decided what to do so do what you have decided we won't be able to change your mind

But even if the manner was heavy-handed, OP is in a weak position to complain given that she was inadvertently shoplifting 🤷‍♀️

They abused their power here by the sounds of things, searching OP in public without consent when she wasn't stealing.

What additional powers would you like them to have and how would you ensure that they were using them correctly?