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Original poster

To think they telling someone they are shy is rude?

131 replies

notshy · 29/03/2025 21:32

I am and have always been shy. Every single school report I have from nursery onwards mentions it. Growing up I had so many well-meaning teachers try and 'help' me out of my shell. In my adult years I've had so many well-meaning managers try and encourage me to 'have more confidence' or asked me to do things they wouldn't ask my colleagues to do (like run an icebreaker quiz) in hope of it somehow breaking me out of my shell. It is such an inherent part of who I am and it feels so hurtful to be constantly reminded of how my quiet nature is not good enough and I need to try and be different.

I can't explain how upsetting it is when someone calls me shy. I am trying my absolute hardest to be as outgoing as I can and to cope in situations I find difficult and putting on such a front for the benefit of another person/a particular situation and when someone calls me shy it feels like they're saying it's not enough and they can see right through my facade. No matter how hard I try I'm still seen as shy. Today I was at the hairdressers and they mentioned how I was shy. I thought I had been quite chatty... I find it so hurtful and I don't think people realise. I think they think it's just a mindless little comment but it is hurtful.

OP posts:
Katemax82 · 29/03/2025 21:54

My daughter, like me is very shy. It's the only thing people seem to notice about her at school. It was the same with me, really pissed me off! Even when being prepped for my c section last month they commented I was "quiet" ( I was terrified)

GenderFluid90 · 29/03/2025 21:51

No one ever tells extroverts to hush up 🤣

Sugarfish · 29/03/2025 21:46

Yeah I got this all through school. Teachers trying to get me out of my shell just made me want to crawl further in. All they did was make me fear school and set me back. It was only when I decided I didn’t want to be shy anymore that I started gaining confidence and it was not easy! Very much fake it till you make it for a few years. I’m still not that outgoing. There is nothing wrong with shy or quiet people, a lot it people are too loud anyway!

The saying I hate the most and makes me want to punch the person saying it is “it’s always the quiet ones you have to watch!” Just fuck off!!!

Riverbananacarrot · 29/03/2025 21:45

I think there is a big difference in being shy and being an introvert.
Can I ask is being shy or being introverted having a negative impact on your job. If this is the case then I understand your manager trying to support you.

Have u spoken to your manager about your feeling. I've someone in my team who isn't shu, just very quiet and introverted and I wouldn't push him out if his comfort zone unless he isn't doing his job in some way.

rickyrickygrimes · 29/03/2025 21:44

This goes straight to my heart OP. My youngest DS is shy, always has been. And very very quiet in school. DH and I had to speak to him about his school report today, it was bad, not due to shyness per se but more about how he comes across to people - not appearing interested or engaged in class, not answering questions etc. It broke my heart a little when he said he thought he was trying really hard to do all these things but obviously the teachers are not seeing this. I could see he was hurt by it. We try to encourage him but I worry it just makes him feel bad about himself.

its hard being shy, quiet, introvert in such a noisy world.

GenderFluid90 · 29/03/2025 21:40

It's hurtful. I work with an extrovert who is constantly on at me for being too shy. It doesn't affect them so I'm not sure why they're so invested in me.

Be who you are there's nothing wrong with it 😊