Why is the go to mother of bride outfit a hideous stiff coat dress with hat?

Not every woman is confident in her style, especially for such a high stakes event. For some MOB/Gs, it's the first time they've had to wear something 'formal' since their own wedding - and they're conscious that fashions have changed, their bodies and maybe hair colour has changed, plus there's the pressure of knowing they'll be photographed and looked at all day, plus a sense that if her husband is in a morning coat she should be in something equally structured and 'not every day wear', plus worrying about getting the balance right between looking smart but not doing a Raquel Welch...

Is it so surprising that a 'don't scare the horses' look has evolved, and people who aren't that into fashion have clung to it? As PP have said, the most obvious starting point for MOB/Gs is the last royal wedding, where a tailored coat dress and hat is still the go-to, even for younger royals like Zara Phillips.

What is weird is the way the outfits are always photographed on models young enough to be the bride's father's third wife, who is only two years older than her and has Caused a Lot of Tension Already.

Hate to say it but that’s also the biggest difference between OP’s two pictures.

Oh please, do me a favour. Hideous, ugly and frumpy clothes that British women of a certain age wear as a uniform that your stylish European relatives wouldn't be seen dead in...Come on!

I think this is your perception again and you are assuming it applies to all British women that we are inhibited in some way? Undoubtedly some are more conscious than others. Many aren’t at all!

My sister is Vinting (made up verb) her MIL's hat from a wedding about 10 years ago and that was Jaques Vert.

Personally I would just send it to the charity shop. Not being horrible, but no one wears that stuff anymore! I am 51 and the age to be MOB if any of my lot showed an interest in getting married (thankfully they dont) and I wouldnt wear it.

I think that, as an OP said, the stylist here was the problem. She heard "MOB" and went to that style automatically. What she doesnt seem to have caught on to is that MOB now were born in the 70's or 80's and we have our own styles that we are confident in.

I can see why the OP did it, as a sort of MOB "try on/dress shopping" like you do as a bride, but until the stylists catch up to the fact that we are not 80 years old and dressing like the late queen, its a waste of time.

@Coranne how old was the stylist? I rather suspect that she was in her twenties and views anyone over 45 as "old" because that is the age of her parents.

I think that that ubiquitous coat dress and matching hat so beloved of Carol Middleton and Kate is to blame. It’s dullsville, but they carry it off as they’re both slim. On the average middle aged woman, it’s just frumpy.

Because at traditional English weddings men wore morning suits and women hats and jackets/coats.
However you have taken a deeply frumpy and unflattering example of the coat dress and compared it to a stylish example of something women would wear to a wedding in Spain for example (although at one Spanish wedding I attended the women were even dressier). So not a fair comparison!
imo Wedding styles have become more relaxed in recent years at all but the highest profile formal weddings so your mum should wear what she wants.

Ime, for example in Spain, a lot of wedding guests wear what we would consider evening dresses whereas for the more traditional British wedding it's daytime formal wear, very similar to what you'd wear to the races.

Your mum could probably look stylish in a paper bag OP. What about a personal shopper service at a department store that sells the kinds of things you'd like to see your mum in?

Not everyone lives and breathes style and fashion though…

I agree with you about MOB defaults but I think if you have no experience of formal dressing, and have no imagination or idea about what might suit you, and if you have a less-than-perfect figure, then it’s a fairly safe ‘uniform’ for many older women. You go into Phase Eight, pick an ensemble and job done.

Fwiw I don’t think your second example dress is particularly flattering either. The fabric looks cheap, the shape and length would be unflattering on anyone short, the colours would be garish at a nice country wedding and on anyone with English-rose colouring and the shoes are hideous.

By mid 50s the tops of one’s arms are not as good ( unless one goes to the gym)

I’d wear photo 2 if it had elbow length sleeves

Is Berketex still a thing? And Jacques Vert?

They were my mum’s wedding go-tos.

I've secretly joined a couple of MOB -ish reselling Facebook groups because dp's daughter is planning her wedding. I'm afraid ive ended up staying to gawp now - theres a style that would never exist in any other context, and OMG the prices. I agree with you 100%. But any kind of dressing up is relatively rare in Britain now, so we don't really know how to do it. 20 years ago when I still invited people round to dinner, it was unusual to have anyone wear anything at all nice even then. We dress up for specific days only - the races, some weddings and some funerals. So of course people look for stuff that is 30 years out of date because that might be the last time they dressed up. And there are designers and stockists that cater purely to that market. Hatinators FGS.

Well that is good to hear - I love a morning suit and 25y ago (when I got married) they were the norm but I’d assumed they were now less popular.

I think CM has prioritised looking appropriate over looking interesting, and who can blame her? High pressure occasion.

Many smart weddings are morning suit. Then you wear something like CM wore. A neat dress and matching coat are never going to be wrong unless it’s a Caribbean beach. So many women look at these shops but end up buying overpriced polyester. There’s way better designers than stocked by these shops.

My mum wore a geogeous tailored trousers suit in a lovely bright colour. Mil was a bit sniffy but I loved it.

Yeah, we're the problem, being oh so defensive. Nothing to do with your critical tone and lumping all british women together in to one unstylish group.

It didn't come across like that. It came across that you were choosing her outfit like you'd choose a flower girl dress:

I want my mum in something phenomenal

I think it's the perfect thing to wear

I want her looking phenomenal

It didn't sound like she was getting to choose, it sounded like she was an accessory.

They do at the weddings we go to. I think CM's outfit there is great but I'd never have worn something like that again.

I've been both a mother of bride and groom in the past ten years, so have my siblings and many friends. Not one of us has worn a stereotypical outfit like that, neither did my own mother when I married 35 years ago.

I wore a longish dress and silk jacket for one, black palazzo trousers, tunic and jacket for the other. I did wear huge hats for both because I suit them, love them and a wedding is the only opportunity I get to wear them.

I chose my outfits myself, I would have absolutely refused to go to a "wedding stylist". I did show both my son and daughter what I intended to wear and they were both happy, but they would never have tried to tell me what to wear. I also did my own make up and hair because I wanted to feel like myself.