To switch my phone off when I’m going through a hard time?

I switch mine off when I'm going through a great phase and I'm really happy. I don't want anyone's bs to ruin it for me

I do this. Kinda. I don’t turn it off. But I don’t answer messages unless it’s my husband checking in as he works away

@MyHeartyBlueShaker
I do this sometimes. I find that it just filters out the constant noise and phone calls.
My family and close friends can always contact me by text and I will see and reply accordingly.
I work an extremely busy job and long hours. This is the only way I can filter my constant calls and respond to my work email appropriately and keep in touch. I do respond to emergency message or text but my work load can vary.
If it's not urgent or urgent please text me is what my family and friends have been told.
So I understand you. Xx

People find this type of coping mechanism so alien, I had to break contact with people to get them to leave me alone. Most people seem to see a boundary and make it a challenge to cross it.

You’re not unreasonable at all. Enjoy your peace.

On the day that we called the police for the welfare check my friend was meant to assist me doing a big catering job (paid). The fact that he let me down without a word and couldn't be contacted made me think he had committed suicide. Does that make sense?

I wasn't angry about having to do the job on my own - it just made me more worried. I've never worried about anyone else like that.

Now, a few years later, we know each other better. He's more open about his needs and I don't worry.

I do understand your need for space though, but that experience hurt me, just like your friends contacting you hurts you.

You don't have to be available all the time. Switching off is a valuable way to lessen stress - no one has a right to constant access to you.

But it's clearly not working for OP and her situation, otherwise she wouldn't be posting on here and asking about it

People aren't "dramatic arses" just because they conduct their friendships in a different way to you, BTW.

Ok so if you reread your reply then surely you can see why I picked up on the ‘owes you’ comment! I was not implying anything,just giving an example of our friendship and how we are very supportive towards each other.

Good grief! I never said you said she owes you. You implied it though, saying how you're going through a tough time and you supported her during her tough time. I was merely commenting (because replies are to everyone who may be reading, not a private message to you personally) that a person doesn't owe someone support just because they've received support from them. Yes, I used your friend as an example, because I was commenting on your post and because you'd implied it. I did read your post before commenting, all of it. No, I don't know you or your friend or the dynamics, but I can take an educated guess and was trying to reassure you that there's unlikely to be any need for you to worry. Most worry, about anything, is pointless.

ok thanks

Errr where did I say ‘ she owes me ‘ ?
Read the last sentence of my post before commenting! I absolutely do not think that she owes me but I am worried about her . As I said ,I am concerned about friend,you don’t know me or my friend and the dynamics of our close friendship.

But actions have consequences. You can't just shut yourself off for days (or more) at a time and expect people to still be waiting for you when you decide you can be bothered again.

I can and I do - and guess what? They are still there. Because I'm not surrounded by dramatic arses who can't cope with waiting for a reply.

I'm also not involved with people who primarily conduct friendships via social media. I prefer in-person friendships. So I'm not bothered if someone takes offense at not being able to chat with me day and night via WhatsApp or Messenger.

@Whoknowsbecauseidont your friend's health improving means she now has time to pause and breathe. She's ready to recover from her ordeal. It doesn't mean she's suddenly got the bandwidth to support you. Neither does the fact you supported her mean she owes you. She may no longer need your support right now (or maybe she does but isn't bothering you because she's aware you have your own shit going on) but she still needs her time and energy for herself and her recovery at the moment. You're going to have to lean on someone else for support this time.

OP your phone is off for days?! You know what I do when I text or leave a voicemail and it isn't answered for days? I assume the person is busy and will get back to me soon. That's it. No fuss, no drama, no angst. Unbelievable your copping all this hassle over a few days!

@Garliccheeseandabagel - well of course, strictly speaking, it doesn't matter - OP is free to do whatever she likes.

But actions have consequences. You can't just shut yourself off for days (or more) at a time and expect people to still be waiting for you when you decide you can be bothered again.

Of course if OP isn't bothered about that, then fair enough.

I totally get it (from experience). You may lose some ‘friends’ along the way as they don’t get it and that’s ok. You’ll find your people who will understand you and your needs and allow you the space you need.
unfortunately many people don’t understand that the phones are for their owner’s convenience and not anyone else’s. Even my mother says when she calls and I don’t answer she feels ‘rejected’ 🙄. If she refuses to respect my needs it’s on her.

Do it!! The only reason I keep my phone on me always is in case my elderly mum needs to get hold of me. Otherwise I’d gladly switch it off regularly / throw it into a ravine

I'm foing to get picky here.

Why does it matter? Why can't OP be themselves, taking as much time out as they need to? If people don't want to be friends with OP due to the length of taking time out, that's their decision. It still doesn't mean OP is doing anything intrinsically wrong.

What does it matter if people can contact OP in an emergency? Unless OPs job is being their carer or they're OPs dependent minor children or something like that, then OP isn't responsible for them in any way.

If there's an emergency and they'd like to contact OP for help and can't, that still doesn't mean OP did anything wrong. OP is not obliged to be there, waiting in the wings just-in-case, for someone's hour of need.

Obviously in switching off the phone OP knows they could miss eg a chance to say goodbye to a dying relative, but really how likely is that to happen (and is there anyone OP is sufficiently close to to mind about that)? It's a risk OP chooses to take and if that did happen, they're not coming across as the type to then blame others for why they didn't know.

And bluntly, if someone has already died, they will be no less dead by OP finding out a month later, when the phone is switched back on and emails checked. All it means is that OP won't have had that devestating news dropped on at a time when peace was already desperately needed.

This was the post I meant to quote.

This was exactly what I was going to say.
I am actually experiencing this problem with a very close friend. It’s hard to know whether I should take her radio silence personally or not. She is aware that I have had a really scary time recently with very close family but her lack of interest is quite concerning and out of character.
She is having a rough time with health issues but now everything is improving.
I have been very supportive throughout.
If she said or messaged’I am having time out’ I would stop worrying about her .🤷‍♀️
I have lost the quote I was quoting 🤦‍♀️

Then if you've done that and they're taking it personally or pushing for more, it's not your problem.

The one caveat I would add, though, is that I sense there's some history here that might give them reason to be concerned? If that's the case, I do wonder if it's possible to find a way to care for yourself and still nurture your relationships. It's about finding a balance of what you need and not alienating the people you love.

Not unreasonable at all. Do what helps you. The people who have issue with that can deal.