Friend posting things to my parents house

@HattenO any update?

She's probably been arrested for trying to bring contraband over the borders.

Anyone else annoyed at the lack of updates from OP?

I think you're responding to someone else

I understand it’s passport related so I would say yes but worth checking as I’m not the home office…

So are you saying if the Canadian friend were to travel to the UK (to pick up their parcels from the friend (the OP) parents address she had asked to use, as some had suggested in this post) from France they would need an ETA?

Yeah a ETA. Canadian travellers are entitled to travel to the UK for up to six months to visit (no criminal record or work etc allowed) but have to fill this in. Online form almost instant response. Canada require one for a lot of countries as does the US. Not difficult to get.

The friend is Canadian and had probably never visit the UK. As she's Canadian and living in France, would she need a visa to visit the UK?

What are the items and how big are they? Does she need to pay for an extra luggage (in advance) so you can take it? Considering she said 1 and then ended up being 6 is really cheeky.

“Dear Piss taker Friend, I agreed to one parcel being sent to my parents and I have had a furious phone call from them telling me there are now 6!! I am not sure if you recall but we are flying - not driving! Unless these are 6 lipsticks, there is no way that I will be able to bring them back in my luggage as space is tight enough as it is. I wish you had run it past me before you had so much sent. I am afraid that you are going to have to make other arrangements for delivery now. OP”

It's not the OP or her parents responsibility to pack up the items and arrange for them to be posted!

Which OP has to get through customs when she doesn't know what's in them.
No chance would I be packing unknown parcels, especially when it's from someone who has just shown themselves to be a massive piss taker as it is.

Hello, you asked me to bring one item which I said yes to, this has turned into 6 which you have ordered without permission. My parents are rightly annoyed at being treated as a store house and I won’t have room in my case, nor do I want to get stopped at customs. You will need to arrange a private courier to collect and ship by x date or my parents will dispose of the packages.

Hi Sarah. This has gone from one item to half a dozen. Please don’t order anything else, as my parents are starting to get annoyed at all the deliveries. . Do you realise that not only will I have to open all the packages before taking them through customs, but that since we’re flying home, I may not be able to fit them all into my luggage, and may incur excess charges ? I’ll bring back what I can but I can’t guarantee it will be all of it, so you will have to make alternative arrangements for anything I can’t fit in.

OP, I'm not great at putting boundaries either, but a good tip is to state to her how it's making you and your parents feel - as she can't argue with or deny you that. Eg you can say 'my parents are not happy about taking in and storing so many deliveries' and 'I'm stressed about how to transport your packages back'.
Another tip that helps me, is to reread any messages that you write to her before you send them, and cut out any language that we use to soften things eg 'kind of' 'just wondering' etc. Make it clear and remember that you are in the right here!
I'm surprised that so many posters are suggesting to pretend things eg that the parcels are lost or you've been given something else from your family to bring back. The actual truth of this situation is enough - it's too much and has caused stress and inconvenience.
Good luck with telling her, OP - you'll feel better when you've made it clear to her. If she doesn't accept that graciously from you then she's not a person worth having in your life!

I cannot believe how inconsiderate she's been - more so to you having to lug it all back for her! Really she should cover the cost of adding extra luggage or shipping the bits too her though I'm also a conflict avoider and I'd probably (and wrongly really!) word it as a problem for her rather than a demand

Change “a bit” to VERY annoyed and leave out the sorry - never apologise for being reasonable and asserting your boundaries!

also tell her she will need to cough up for excess luggage charge!

Tell her you only had room to bring back three things, that you managed to leave some of your stuff behind to accommodate the fourth, but the fifth and sixth will have to stay at your parents until you next go over there

This is totally ridiculous. I am an American immigrant so sometimes when we go visit my parents or my inlaws I'll order a few of my favourite things to be delivered to their houses but I ALWAYS check first and I'm actually bringing them back home myself. It's a huge, huge imposition to ask someone to transport 7 random things in their suitcases, particularly now that they charge for everything or you might have any number of space constraints. How utterly ridiculous. I'd both tell her to stop immediately and also say that as you have no idea what any of this is, you have no idea if you'll have space to pack it so ask for her to send you some money and you'll ship her a parcel when you're back. There's no chance I'd be leaving my own belongings behind to accommodate this.

What is it she is getting delivered? Clothes or other items?

Tell her you will need to open them and remove tags so they don't look new for customs.

You might also struggle to fit all in your baggage allowance and how much it will cost to go over (get the money for this before you bring back).

Any that don't physically fit your luggage you will not be able to bring over.

You will not be able to ask your parents to do any more for her as they are already narked - they will reject any further parcels and you will not do any returns for items you have no space for. They also will not store the items. So they will be disposed of.

She has taken the piss and needs to bear the consequences of not getting what she didn't ask permission for before ordering.

To everyone questioning why she's getting things delivered the UK instead of France, the answer is probably Brexit

I live in Denmark and since Brexit, any companies have stopped delivering here (esp in the last 2y) and when we do get parcels from outside the EU, it has to be under a certain amount or Tax is added and if the company put the wrong amount on the customs form then you have to pay it, plus 170dkk (£20) fee for them to have handled it which you can argue to get back but I'm currently in month 3 of an argument because a company (looking at you White Company) put a decimal point in the wrong place. its a fucking ball ache and I will absolutely get stuff delivered to the uk to bring back wherever possible!

You are flying! Wow!

I'd be asking for her to pay for an additional suitcase for your flight as you are flying hand luggage only and won't be able to fit all your items in otherwise and its not fair for your parents or you to be posting things onwards when you are on holiday as it will take up precious time. (Even if you are flying with checked in luggage). I would also make the point that you are annoyed about having to do this, because you will be delayed and inconvenienced by having to check in luggage...

I would lay it on THICK.

And given the level of CFing I wouldn't be worried about pissing her off. a) she needs to keep you on side to get her stuff b) shes not a loss as a friend if shes this much hard work and CFing

Why is she having them delivered to the UK and not to France? That just seems weird.

Of course you can't be lugging all this stuff home in your luggage. What even are these things?

Am I the only cynical one that’s thinking there’s cuckooing happening here?
How long have you known this friend?

Id say they’re lost to shake her up!

Yes and get the money in advance.

Or don’t give her the items until she hands over the cash.