No wedding invite for my

So the only thing you invited them to as a couple, they weren’t able to attend

but that’s the only time in a decade?

This!

No. Courtesy, consideration and inclusivity trump things for me.

@RominaDina and I think there are so many factors in a wedding that there shouldn’t be a blanket rule. What if a couple wants to get married in a hurry before a beloved relative is too ill to go and only smaller venues are free near that relative, or a certain venue isn’t huge but has particular significance to them?

Anyway, for you, the guest list numbers trump those things. Which is fine, for you.

So your answer is: only couples, even if fewer friends go.

Thanks for answering.

My answer is this. In my culture you invite friends and family. You invite partners and you invite them for the whole wedding. Not certain parts. Then you calculate numbers and budget. I've been to weddings in restaurants, marquees, school halls and leisure centre gymnasiums. I've been to weddings which are fully catered and those where Mum and Aunties have laid on a simple, but plentiful buffet.
So many of these wedding threads where people have upset others, left them out, only an "evening do", whatever.
I understand that all cultures are different, and that's fine, but that's the way I understand weddings to be.

if you want to invite everyone then you have to get a bigger venue or simply accept you only can have very close friends and family. If he was close enough to the groom to want to attend, he would want me there with him. If he was just a uni friend but not super close then the likelihood is he wouldn’t be bothered to attend anyway.

It really isn’t. A lot of venues simply do not have space for more than, say, 80 people, whatever your budget.

Given that, what would your answer be? Your three closest friends and their partners, or your six closest friends without partners?

If they want to have that many people, they need to think about budget. It's perfectly possible to invite everyone you want.

If the bride has six uni friends and the groom has six uni friends, but they dont have 24 spaces after inviting family, they only have twelve, then you would prefer that they pick their three closest friends each and their partners? Even if that meant your DH missed his friend’s wedding altogether?

But that is the way the world works. Couples get invited to things like this together. Everyone has this issue at weddings and everyone manages to sort it. If I’m close enough to be invited then so it my husband. We come as a package.

But the DP would presumably know some
of the other friends of the groom?

I’d hate to go to a wedding by myself. Unless it was a family wedding where I knew everyone.

It’s often not the spend, but the capacity. A venue that holds 100 for the day and 150 in the evening is already pretty big and expensive, even if the cheapest food options are chosen etc.

So you think it would be better for DP not to be invited to his friend’s wedding at all, or just to the evening with OP? Because that would be the outcome in most of these dilemmas, I think: an invite removed rather than one added.

All couples are restricted by numbers. So either spend a bit more or cut down the costs rather than treat someone like this.

It's weird, I got a plus one to one of my good friends' weddings and I was single! My cousin, who'd been with her partner for a decade, didn't get an invitation to a wedding as only married partners were invited, ridiculous!

Of course, they can invite who they want, but it is definitely rude to not include the long term partner of an old friend. Different if, say a group of work pals invited to an evening do, but all day at q close friends wedding? Nope.

I haven't got over my 12 wk old baby not being invited to a family children only wedding of a good friend, a wedding we had to travel and stay overnight at. Xh was allowed to come into the church with dd1, then hung round the hotel for the reception, me going into the bar to bf, xh excluded from the meal but then us all welcome at the evening do. I suspect friend would do differently now she has her own dc but in hindsight we should have declined

Many couples are restricted by numbers- woudl you rather invite two close friends without partners, or one couple when you don’t know the other half very well? Inviting OP could mean they can’t invite a close friend.

Exactly this.

That is the point though. They invited someone they know and didn’t invite someone they’ve met twice.

how can you take that personally?

it also sounds like OP’s partner sees the groom twice a year, so not hugely close. Even if they are long standing friends. Many couples are restricted by numbers- woudl you rather invite two close friends without partners, or one couple when you don’t know the other half very well? Inviting OP could mean they can’t invite a close friend.

I can see why this is inconvenient for OP and partner. Lots of couples prefer to socialise together. And I agree that it’s usually etiquette to invite partners. ( especially if not all guests know each other).

but to take it as hurtful and rude? That’s going too far. It’s not a snub either. And it’s certainly not a comment on their relationship and how it’s viewed.

HRTFT but surely the cost isn't a reason as the OP husband would simply increase the gift from say £100 to £200 to cover the extra guest.
I'm from Ireland and people will invite hundreds of people if possible to make loads of money as the gifts, always cash, will be proportional to the number going and always exceed the venue cost per person.

That's not the point.
The point is that her long term partner was invited and not her, which is hurtful and rude.

This isn’t about disrespecting you or putting a question mark over your relationship. It’s not about you.

they barely know you and obviously want to keep
costs down.

i dont understand why people are so desperate to go to the weddings of people they aren’t close to. Weddings can be massively dull- even when you know everyone.

I think if you invite a good friend to your wedding, their +1 should always be invited. My husband has a group of mates I don't really know (from a hobby); when one of them got married a few years ago I was invited and so were all the other wives and partners. This is normal to me.

Exactly. I find it bizarre people are suggesting that it’s ok to invite one half of a long term couple to a wedding. That has never been convention. I wouldn’t want to attend a wedding without my DH.

Er, because if they ( original invitee) don't know the other guests well they'll be on their tod all day?