DH refusing to financially help sister after she went on holiday.

One parent can't just decide that they will be the full time carer. It's a partnership. Expecting your partner to share some of the financial burden is not patriarchal. Especially in this situation where the OPs sister is also being subsidised.

I agree with both your sister and your husband, and it must be shit for you stuck in the middle.

£1.5K + food and trips is a huge amount of money to spend on a holiday, especially when you can’t afford rent. That is nearly 6 payments months of the £350 because of your husband being g a high earning and therefore you able to afford to subsidise her. Maybe you husband is feeling under pressure to stay in his job and this has flipped him over the line. If it’s high earning I can’t imagine it’s easy and he has had to sacrifice a lot to get there and to keep it .

I do support your sister going on holiday. She might feel better which will improve her quality of life and that’s a good thing.

I agree with him actually!

OP hasn’t presented it as a mutually beneficial situation, she’s presented it as her husband being fed up of financially supporting her sister, especially when he’s the only one working.

If she’s dependent on his financial contributions then he absolutely does get to have an
opinion on what’s she’s spending on.

The problem is there are so few details that assumptions are being made - not helped by the fact the initial post implies something very different to under market rent.

that said under market rent to a family member often isn’t allowed under a mortgage so it is likely they could own it outright and it is a mutually beneficial arrangement and doesn’t give him the right to monitor how the sisters money is spent

A week is not a mini break. It's a proper holiday.

All of those implying that OP has been freeloading and/or that the properties were bought with ‘his’ money.

Do you think her DH has done 50/50 on all parenting, shitwork, life admin, mental load since they got together ?

If so he will be one in a million.

In the vast majority of families where both parents work, the woman works far longer hours overall than the man.

And often, that is the cause of burnout and subsequent mental health problems.

The patriarchy can’t have it both fucking ways.

PIP is not means tested, if she genuinely can’t work due to health reasons she may well be entitled to it. She states if her DH wasn’t earning so much she’d be on benefits. Although I’m not sure if that would work if she has income from BTL properties.

i will admit I know little to noting about the benefits system other than pip being the only non means tested benefit.

I think the DH should divorce her, and split the assets (even though he probably paid for them, they're married, so..), she and her sister can take it from there.

She also very much minimizes the support, maximizes her stress, and tries to paint her DH is the worst light possible while avoiding any actual details.

If it’s a mutual agreement then yes you’re right. However this isn’t and the husband sounds like he is running out of patience having her stay at home - with school age kids.
Apply for PIP if that bad otherwise she needs to seek help and get back to work

I think it’s a very clear “YABU”

I have bad mental health. 3 children. I still work.

you are being unreasonable expecting him to support both of you. No wonder he’s pissed off

I can understand your husband feeling put out if he's subsidising someone's housing and they've got enough money to save for a holiday as a result.

It's family though - Life on the breadline is no fun; everyone deserves a treat at some point in their lives...have you put it to him like that?

Still, taking it out on you is completely out of order. If it's making him 'seeth' he can simply stop doing it and up the rent.

She says it’s very similar so the discount is marginal and there isn’t much in it

I am quoting the OP.

So you have both been paying your sister money for years, or is it your DH who pays your sister? Why are you / DH paying their way and since you / DH are, then how can they afford to go on holiday if they cannot pay standard outgoings which I presume are mortgage or rent, bills and food and clothing? Vague indeed.

The OP has refused to say how much the rent is, so not sure how you can assume that 10-15% is 350 or anywhere close to that. If rent is something like 1,500, then the discount is more than double possible fees.

Working isn’t the only way to contribute to a household.

@justasking111 and I suspect that’s what has happened here - ate all these BTLs mortgaged OP - ?? Because it could be your H has bitten off more than he can chew and that’s what all this is about

@WhoMeMissYesYouMiss so basically anytime anyone doesn’t feel like working or feels anxious about work:can’t cope with work - we should all be entitled to PIP -despite OP it seems not being affected in her daily life apart from not feeling ‘up to work’ - bollocks to that- and I’m a centre left voter.

Since you and DH have multiple BTLs, I assume you are using an EA for the other properties since you mentioned an EA.

Why don't you make your 'job' managing the BTL properties rather than incurring the EA fees?

You can have multiple buy to lets but with BTL mortgages having risen so much some landlords are struggling now.

The problem is something else. is he looking for a reason to be annoyed?

The problem is the OP does not work and does not contribute to the household.

So to get this straight
-you are married
-your OH earns well
-you used to work but don’t currently due to a health issue
-you joint own some buy to let properties as well as your main home
-therefore you are not short of ££
-your sister rents one of your properties. She pays slightly under MV - over half of which - possibly even 75% - would have gone to an estate agent if you let it via one of them
-I guess she has not paid a deposit ?
-your OH is bitching about your sis going on a rare break
-niether he nor you are giving her or her family any handouts or paying for them in anyway?
-what’s the problem?!

he is being an arse. Unless there is something you are not telling us.

you should ask him what the problem is. If the facts are as I summarise above the problem is not her taking a holiday. The problem is something else.
is he looking for a reason to be annoyed?