Drugs on a night out

I personally would leave him/her. Because you have already asked for change, and been lied to. This gives a very clear insight into how important it is to your partner to do this, and that their word cannot be trusted where its concerned. Often (not always, but often enough for it to be a pattern) an agreement to stop followed by continuing and lying, is indicative that its a bigger deal to them than a recreational take it or leave it thing. As if it's just an optional extra, you'd not risk your relationship for it. I lived with a similar situation and one of my biggest regrets is I didn't leave, so I'll allow I might be projecting and not the most objective voice on the thread though.

It's your decision to make as to whether it is normal or acceptable.

Nobody is going to say yes it's completely normal, get over yourself.

Few people will admit to knowing how rife cocaine is in many a social circle. But it is.

I've seen a lot of it, but on keys? I thought that only happened when there were bowls full in films.

I cut all contact with one of my closest friends of 20 years due to their cocaine habit.
Not because of the drug use itself, but because they'd snorted their 250k house away, they'd lie, they'd give up anything for a line. They didn't care about me, not about anyone. Their new best friend happened to be a very middle class dealer, used their place to cut, weigh and distribute leaving friend with a paltry 40 quids worth, for which they were pathetically grateful.

They used to be a well liked popular soul. No, not now. Too much owed to too many.

The police know all of this, that was my final act in trying to help them. Names addresses, car registration... Clearly fuck all was done.

So yeah.
You make your own decisions about what is normal and what you'll tolerate. Nobody here can tell you what to do. It'll be page's of frothing and ltb.

If you have the sort of relationship where he openly lies and knows that you realise that, then you aren’t in a relationship at all, except a shit one. By the sound of it, he would deny it if you even had proof. What are you going to do about that? Because his denials aren’t the truth, are they? They’re just his weak attempts to excuse himself for putting your child at serious risk. Which he HAS done, and which he won’t even discuss.

It would be a big no from me. I’m assuming you didn’t know about the drug use before you entered into a sexual relationship with this man.

Cocaine use is pathetic at any age.
I would not be in a relationship with someone who used drugs, let alone have kids with them. It is non-negotiable for me.
OP will have to decide whether it is for her.

I divorced my ex rather than have kids over his coke use. I watched all our friends have kids and various husbands continue to go on regular benders as if they were still 21. Fuck that.

YABU to have said that several times and not acted on it.

Agree with PP that you shouldn’t have had a baby with a man who uses cocaine if you have a problem with it. However I don’t agree with the claim that everyone who uses cocaine recreationally from time to time is a drug addict. Cocaine use is VERY rife in most big cities. I’ve known plenty of perfectly functioning adults - parents or otherwise - use it recreationally, and then get on with leading happy, successful lives.

It’s absolutely fine for this to be a dealbreaker for you, OP, but I’d ignore the fear mongering about addiction unless there are signs that your DH is not just using it recreationally?

I'm actually not against drugs on a night out so long as it doesn't spill over into working days. But not when you have kids.

“Steve, take this bag and go to your mums. I told you I wouldn’t put up with drug abuse and lies and I’m not doing it”

ring up his parent and tell them why he’s on his way.

if you do t safeguard your child who will? How will you explain to social services that you knew but didn’t do anything if your child ingests any?

make today a new start

@ThisMintExpert

medisave.co.uk seem to do a test strip for under £2. I'm like you in that I hate drugs [cannabis upward] and even tobacco.

I would very much do a test in his presence! Otherwise - for a bit more cost - you can send away. I do hope that there was no driving involved after [for some days]

I used to have friends like you and I have the same opinion now. You’re being unreasonable because you knew this when you were with this person and by your own admission were ok about it. You knew who he was when you had a child with him.

Recreational drug users will almost always continue when out drinking with other recreational drugs users because when you’re drunk, you are far more likely to do something that has always been habitual (the same as smoking).

It’s not actually any different in terms of being able to parent the next day etc as being absolutely hammered drunk.

I am completely anti drugs, have never taken them, never would take them. But I also wouldn’t be in a relationship with a recreational drug user because our opinions on the subject are never going to align.

You are not morally opposed to them because you’ve been ok with it in the past. He can’t parent whether he’s off his head on drugs or alcohol.

You shouldn’t have had a child with him, you knew what he was like.

Oh I saw this after I wrote my comment but I agree.

If it was a huge deal I would not have had kids with somebody who does it. Did they commit to not do it anymore?

It’s fine to have a huge issue with it and I think you and your partner need a serious talk.

I agree with this. OP he was a coke head when she chose him as father of her child so it shouldn’t be a shock that he’s still using.

Don't date and have a child with a drug user unless you’re willing to accept they won’t stop using.

He knows you’re unhappy about it but he still does it - that’s him showing you he doesn’t care and he won’t stop

You had children with a drug user.

Did you think you would change him?

Come on now, this was always going to happen.

You say “I would like you to move out. I’m not continuing in a relationship with a drug user. I am prioritising my children. This is non negotiable so don’t try and talk me out of it. Goodbye.”

You knew he did it before you had a child and it didn't bother you as much, you still had a child with him and now it bothers you.
I wouldn't be ok with it but I wouldn't have had a child with a regular cocaine user either.

Isn't there some kind of company you can send it off to to get tested? Maybe even suggesting you'll do that would be enough to get a confession.

As pp said - do you want your child to live with a cocaine addict?

What will their childhood memories be?

Unpalatable though it may sound, I think you are being unreasonable to have had children with a drug user, and then expect them to change.

It isn't beyond the realms of possibility that they might, but the odds are stacked against you.

You now have to decide whether you can put up with it, and leave if not. Sounds very much like it won't change.

He's prioritising his own selfish drug use over his family and over his child's safety( your child could have picked up the keys and licked them).

Think about that.

He will not change if you continue to stay with him, because you staying is tantamount to agreeing it's ok to behave like that. He will continue to lie and say he'll never do it again, but that will be a lie.

If you leave it's possible that might give him the impetus to stop, or it may not. He is the one that has to choose to stop, you cannot make him want to do it.

Do you want your child to live with a cocaine addict?

I suppose the real question is that if you've said more than once you don't want to raise kids with a drug user anymore, what message does the fact you're still doing it anyway give him? He either doesn't believe you or doesn't care.

The Production and Supply of Cocaine involves slavery, torture, murder, and all other types of exploitation. It is drenched in blood from start to end .. and the money funds organised crime, sexual exploitation, and human trafficking.

I would not want to be with someone, who’s moral bar is set so low, that they are happy for children to be murdered, so they can get a Friday night “buzz”