New house - who gets biggest room?

Please don’t blend families with this man, your children will resent you for it and it will affect your relationship with them.

My advice is don’t move in with someone who you are dreading living with. It sounds miserable.

You either need

• a 5 bed house
• a 4 bed house and the sharers get the biggest room
• a house of your own where you don’t live with someone you “dread” and your children don’t have to live with a man who doesn’t see them as equal residents to his own child.

fwiw I don’t think the poor kid who gets shoved from pillar to post should only be entitled to the smallest room in whatever house she is living in for those few days, but two sharing should get a bigger room than someone getting their own room.

Exactly. @Catapultaway How exactly is it fair that one person gets a bigger room and doesn’t even have to share and this person won’t be living there full time. Meanwhile two people will have to share a smaller room and they’re living in that house all the time?

Yes! Why on earth are you putting yourself and your DC through this?

What if DSD gets told no by mum and decides to live with you full time?

Put your kids first OP. Do you already live with him? I can’t understand why you would do this.

You don’t waste space in a house reserving a bigger room for someone who isn’t there most of the time. You also don’t make two children share a smaller room so a singleton can have their own, bigger room. It’s a ridiculous suggestion. Your partner is really showing you the way he will want things to be in this new house, what he says goes and his child is prioritised.

Quite apart from the issue of who gets the bigger room - and your DP's attitude is ridiculous and logically indefensible - it sounds to me as if you are setting yourself and your children up for continual arguments and unhappiness. If you and your DP aren’t on the same page re parenting, there are going to be endless problems.

I don't think you should be in a blended family either.

I think the only thing that would achieve is that the partner’s dd will stop coming over. Quite rightly too, talk about being deprioritised.

Ok, so:

• he’s prioritising his daughter over your kids
• he can’t say no to her
• she’ll likely lord it over your kids
• he won’t discuss this properly with you
• he thinks his word is the law

Dont do it OP. It’s not going to work out. Take this situation as a warning, this is how your life is going to be from now on.

No, if they are going to be a blended family then all needs are taken into account. Not what one child "wants" or Daddy has "promised".

I guess it’s the joy of being an only child.

Well you can fuck off with that attitude. Perhaps it's the joy of being in a relationship with a single father who's too willing to appease his child because he feels guilty the child is living with the consequences of a broken marriage.

If you are dreading living with his daughter then DONT. A blended family is going to be tough enough but if she is both outnumbered by step siblings and disliked by her step mother then she will be miserable and her behaviour will get worse. Don't do it.

Christ, is that the way you'd run a relationship like this? Just both fighting to always get the best for your own, regardless of what is right or fair?

I disagree with that completely.

Why on earth are you moving in with this man? I honestly can't fathom why women put themselves and their children in these positions. You live in your home with your children, and let him live in his home with his child.

Agreed. Besides, the stepdaughter is an only child so of course she’d have her own room when she lives with her mum and I hardly doubt that the room would be that small.

‘Because she wanted it’ - OP run. If you’re dreading living with her already, the reality will be even worse.

They're not his children, of course it's fair.

Because his kid is only there part-time and he wants her to get the second biggest room all to herself - which will then lie empty when she's not there. Whereas OP's kids, who appear to be living there full/most of the time, will not only have to share but share one of the SMALLER rooms.

One thing to assign OP's step-child a room to herself - fine. Totally different to force two kids to share a smaller room just so she can get the big room that she wants. That's so egregiously unfair I'd be reconsidering the whole plan to buy together.

I wouldn't ever say that she should get a worse room because she doesn't love there full time (that is really shit, would feel like a 2nd class family member in nothing home's). But 100% the largest room goes to the 2 sharing.
If there is a size difference after that in the 2 remaining bedrooms for her and your DC who won't be sharing then that is more difficult to navigate

I don’t think he’s being ridiculous, he’s just coming at it from an emotional angle and OP from a practical angle. Him and his DD are a minority when it comes to number of people whereas he is most likely paying at least half. He probably would be more comfortable if they equalised the living space more between the families as he (and most likely his Dd too) don’t see them as one big family. Quite rightly too as OP is dreading living with his DD.

From a practical pov OP is correct though, but that also benefits her and her kids massively as they need much more space.

I think they are just not compatible enough to live together with any sort of harmony.

I wouldn’t even give her her own room - she has one at her permanent home. All the resident kids get a bedroom each and she shares with whoever has the biggest room when she comes over.

But giving his non-sharing child the largest room when two other kids have to share is selfish.

It’s not a question of a ‘nice’ room it’s the size. Just cos the smaller room is not as big as the other it doesn’t mean it can’t be as nice.

I would say it's very common, but I suppose it depends where you live and people's economic situation.