New house - who gets biggest room?

Are the youngest 2 the same sex and how old are they?

Children sharing get the larger room, even if they live there permanently and they are all your own children.

Dont buy the house with him.

I completely agree with @AthWat. The stepdaughter will still have her own, albeit a smaller one. It’s just about allocation of space, if two people are sharing then naturally they have a bigger room. If one person has their own room, it would be obvious that they have a smaller room.

The children sharing a room get the biggest room.

I’d rethink this move. His attitude stinks, there’s no logic to his daughter having the second biggest room, he has no respect for your children.

Im sure he feels guilty about not living with his daughter but he needs to deal with that in a way that does not impinge on the rest of you.

From any of the childen's point of view this situation is not going to be positive if you can't agree between you how best to live together.

does he have form for this kind of thing and how are other aspects of your life together? In any case, I feel for you and wonder if you can back out of this situation for the sake of your sanity and of course for your children. As others have said, this is just a taste of things to come and whether he’s paying more or not doesn’t really have a baring on the impact these decisions will have.

my opinion (for what it’s worth) is that you should not proceed if he doesn’t change his mind immediately, no matter how much money you will lose. I suspect you’ll feel a lot better once you’ve taken control of the situation.

good luck.

Good grief, the red flags are flagging.

Do not move in with him.

@Catseyes2025 it all screams disaster already.
I wouldn’t be moving in with him. .
Pull out the sale there is nothing more important for you and your kids then a your security the home needs to be a peaceful safe place .

You don't have to live with her, you don't have to buy this particular house. You knew you were getting jiggy with a guy who had a child, that is how it is sometimes. Best not to. I don't blame the girl at all for wanting a decent sized room. You obviously don't like her much, talk about her being 'entitled'. Entitled to what? Cut your losses and go it alone, next time find someone without children or ones who are older/off hand.

Glad you have posted OP so you can see the responses to what is rightly bothering you.

Partner you said? Not yet husband?

Stay in your own separate houses, this dynamic does not bode well for family living.

This type of 'Niggle' turns into an absolute Nightmare.

Plus with the financial entanglement of a house in tow? - has the added potential of being devastatingly difficult to come back from.

Significant and deep consideration required.

I think you need to pull out of merging households:

• He's too stubborn to consider everyone equally, and
• you don't like his dd.

It's not fair on dc to "blend" where the adults aren't really on board with each other's kids.

The only advice I have is to tell you not to buy a house with him.

Imagine you're a few years down the line and this scenario that you're dreading is now your daily reality and it's just as bad as you feared it would be. Would you be wishing you could turn the clock back to this time and say to your partner, "This isn't going to work, sorry but I think we should stay separate households as we are".

You get as much say in this as he does. Even if you're not going 50/50 on the mortgage, as a contributing adult with dependents, you need to feel heard and that your opinions have weight. His dictating that his DD gets what she wants to the detriment of the other children is deeply concerning and I wouldn't accept this. Either both adults agree on how the accommodation works or it shouldn't go ahead.

You have to advocate for your children, because your partner isn't. And BTW, my child is an only and isn't a spoilt brat. It doesn't go with the territory.

The children who are sharing get the biggest room and anyone who can't see that is not someone I would want to live with.

Well we have no idea how much each of them are staking financially but either they are blending the family or they are two separate families (and should continue to live separately).

If they were one family instead of blended the sharers would (or should) automatically get the larger room. There is no reason why that should be different where the children are step siblings.

The real problem for me is that before they have even moved in the DP is "putting his foot down" unilaterally purely to make himself feel better. I would not live with a man like that, I'd be very worried about blending families with a DP who behaved like a Disney dad - children need to be told "no" sometimes and he doesn't get a free pass on that job.

It sounds like they are not ready to cohabit.

Why is she getting to pick, over the other children?

The problems have started before you’ve even bought the house? Don’t do it.

I was on your side til you took the lazy option of stereotyping only children instead of blaming your partner for being a shit dad who won't say no.

I will be honest his daughter rarely gets told no. I guess it’s the joy of being an only child.

No it's the joy of having a wimp for a dad. I'd seriously be re-thinking whether I'd want to be in a relationship with somebody who is unable to parent their own child tbh. I mean what's next "We need to buy a new house because Lucy doesn't like this one so the estate agent will be around in the morning and we'll be buying the one Lucy likes best"?

Just re-read your original post, if you’re dreading living with your SD, then don’t do it. It’s not fair on anyone. Pull out of house purchase before it’s too late.

She can have the bigger bedroom but she has to share with one other child. OR she can have a smaller bedroom and it's all hers.

Take a pick.

Don’t buy with this man. The two children sharing should have the biggest bedroom after the main bedroom. If your SD is to have her own room, then it should be the smallest room.

I don't agree. The girl will stop coming if she feels resented and not part of the family. That will be inevitable if the other children have to bunk up full time so she can have the biggest room for some of the time. All the children need to learn to share their space.

If there is love in the home she will want to visit.

You need to reconsider buying the house.

I would stop this house move-it's not going to work. Stay where you are.