New house - who gets biggest room?

I can see both sides here.

Maybe the daughter feels vulnerable about becoming a blended family, moving in, albeit part time, with anotger family and the more intimate relationship that creates. Maybe she feels unsure of where she will fit in, will she be second best as the part timer.

Maybe your partner never says no because he feels guilty about the break up of his original family ( whatever the reason was), maybe he ferls guilty about giving time, money and energy to kids who arent his, maybe he feels this 'takes away' love and time from his daughter.

Of course the bigger room shoukd be the shared room looking at the situation objectively. Your chikdren might feel pushed out.

Honestly, my advice would be not to move in together. He’s already dictating and you’re not move in yet. You’re dreading living with his DD. I’d imagine your DC have their own misgivings.

Wait till the children are grown before moving in. If your DP is insisting on this too please pay attention, it’s likely to get worse.

Why are you moving in with someone who thinks he's the boss? Why are you accepting his authority? Where is your self respect?

The issue of her not living there full time or being your step daughter is irrelevant here. If there are children who have to share a room in any family situation then they should get the biggest room- it’s the trade off for sharing and ensures they still get a similar amount of space to those who benefit from their own room.

Do not inflict this man and his spoilt daughter on your children

It's insane to give a child who doesn't even live there the biggest room. It's already quite mad to have children sharing and have an empty room most of the time.. but I understand that she needs her own space when she is staying.

Your DP has just waved a huge red flag at you, luckily before you purchase the house.

I’d step back from the huge commitment of buying a house together, as it sounds like this is the first of many arguments over how the children are treated.

From what you have described, it sounds like your DP will always want his DD top of the tree, over your 3 DC, so I’d be staying in my own house and not buying with him.

"So I’m not sure I can get on board with the narrative that a smaller room is automatically worse"

I mean, a smaller room is generally worse. In the same way though, £8 is worse than £10. But you are still better off with £8 to yourself, than £10 you have to share with someone else.

"If you are paying 50:50 then I can see why he would want the bigger room as he is effectively getting less house for his money than you are."

If that kind of thinking is even entering the head of either one of them, they should not be buying a house together.

My DSD had her own room while my DC shared. Oh how I would have laughed and laughed if DH had tried to insist she had the larger room for her weekends while our kids had, as their one and only bedroom, the smaller room between them.
We now have a bedroom for each of the kids and she still has the smallest, though it does have its perks of being a sunny room at the front of the house, with lovely park views should she ever wish to open her blinds, and the first door at the top of the stairs so very handy for sneaky trips to the kitchen for snacks! It not even that small a room.
So I’m not sure I can get on board with the narrative that a smaller room is automatically worse, or likely to make a child feel not part of the family or need people to feel sorry for them. Unless this is a Harry Potter situation, practical decision making must win over “but I already promised my spoiled child something ridiculous and unreasonable so now we are stuck with it”.
He’d see reason or he’d see himself out, if I were in OPs shoes. His whole attitude has disaster written all over it.

@LBFseBrom OP literally wrote: I’ve really struggled with this as she has become quite entitled and really can’t handle if she doesn’t get her own way.
I literally don’t know how to handle this and tbh I’m dreading having to live with her - any advice would be greatly appreciated. Which part of that shows that she doesn’t like the stepdaughter? It’s natural that a young person who doesn’t need to share because they’re an only child would find it difficult living in a blended household. Their feelings are valid. It’s not easy to share or compromise if they don’t want to and usually they don’t have to. This is why parenting is very important. OP’s partner/husband is feeling guilty that his daughter isn’t there all the time and so has given her the ability to chose the room that she wants without a thought of her having to compromise and have a smaller room so her step-siblings can share and have a slightly more bigger room. This will create unfairness. And him not budging and not willing to have a discussion is a huge red flag 🚩.

This.

Anyone sharing needs a bigger room.

She will live there part time and so a smaller room for her sole use is just right.

Your partner's a dick. Red flag fir things to come

It's not about her not living there full time though. It's about her only being one person, rather than two.

I literally don’t know how to handle this and tbh I’m dreading having to live with her

I voted YABU because what you are intending to do is going to be a terrible costly mistake.

If you are paying 50:50 then I can see why he would want the bigger room as he is effectively getting less house for his money than you are. But that doesn't make any reasoning he has right because of course 2 children sharing should get more space.

You have been given a huge heads up OP. I don't blame the girl wanting the bigger room either, it isn't on her to consider your children's comfort. That is on you, and for that reason I would not even think about going ahead with this.

If you do, it is guaranteed you will be back here within the year asking how to reverse this shit show.

Good God OP - of course it's a no. I'd show him this thread and not be buying a house with him. He's showing you that you are not his priority. Believe him!

Absolutely not. To be honest I’d be rethinking the whole thing.

You sure you want to shackle yourself to him and his daughter? And your children?

I feel really sorry for this poor girl. All the adults in her life have failed her. She may well be a spoilt brat, but she wasn't born that way, and she didn't spoil herself. That's a result of the poor parenting she's received.

And now her father wants to move her in with a woman who dislikes her and is dreading having to live with her. That says a lot of things about him, absolutely none of them good.

And you are failing to put your children first by pursuing this situation. It's obvious the answer to your actual question is that the children who are sharing have the larger room. But that's not really the issue. You are preparing to blend families with a man whom you have seen to be a poor parent to his own child. What makes you think he's going to be a better role model to your children? And why should they be forced to live with him and his daughter?

Continue to date him if the relationship adds something to your life. But put both sets of children first and stop insisting on blending your families. None of these children have a say in it, and it sounds as though it will be nothing but harmful to all four of them.

I think that if a blended family is going to work, both parents have to look at the needs of all the children, and it doesn't sound like that is happening. I would also expect both adults to be making decisions together, and it doesn't sound like that is happening. So I don't think you are both ready to be blended.

It does seem obvious that the children who are sharing will get one of the bigger rooms, unless there's another arrangement which works. I also think that children who don't live there full time need to feel like they aren't always getting the worst end of the deal - if her mother's house also has step/half siblings she could end up feeling like she has nowhere that she really belongs.

I would pull out of the house purchase. This is going to be a disaster if you go ahead.

If you can I’d be pulling out on the basis that he “won’t budge”. It’s your and your childrens home too.

Agree with this. The fact he won't budge on this a sign this won't end well. Prioritise your dc. Also the fact you have very different parenting styles means you will clash more as dc grow up. I have one child, and they get told 'no' plenty. Having a lone child is no for bad parenting.

The children sharing get the bigger room.

id refuse to move if he’s going to be like this. Fuck that.

The two sharing get the biggest room.
But i agree with PP’s I’d be rethinking the whole arrangement if something so obvious is an issue before you've even moved in.

This is the best advice here

The OP said its because he promised it to her after she said she wanted it.