New house - who gets biggest room?

The fact that you are 'dreading' living with his daughter is a problem. Why is that and how do you plan to get around that? She could be living with you full-time.

So the thread has concluded then? (I admit I didn’t read the full thing). Everything is sorted.

Doesn’t that go without saying after they reach about five?

If he won’t budge I’d pull out of the sale. This is a man who is stubborn to the point of being irrational and I couldn’t tolerate that. He refuses to see logical sense and his dd is spoilt for not accepting a smaller room when she doesn’t even live there. So an irrational man and his spoilt princess of a dd should not be trumping everybody else’s needs.

The adults have the master, the 2 sharing have the biggest room, the 2 singletons have the smaller two rooms. Only reasonable answer really, 2 in 1 room means more stuff and more space needed.

It doesn't matter who is paying what, for everyone on here bringing that up.

In a relationship, it's meant to be equal. Not all contributions are financial.

Kids get everything equal, regardless of their respective parent's salary.

But kids sharing need the bigger room.

If this much stress is being caused already, moving in together needs a rethink.

Dont all kids get to choose their own decor, within reason?

Master bedroom to adults, the 2nd largest to the 2 sharing.

I agree, @MixedFeelingsNoFeelings and, as a few of us have suggested, allow the girl to choose decor and maybe new furniture.

Yes, people don't half love grabbing the red flag/LTB end of the stick. OP has updated that she and DP have had a grown-up conversation about this, have both owned up to their initial anxiety-driven responses, and admitted that they find blending families isn't always a walk in the park. The fact that they can discuss things further, this time without flying off the handle, sounds like the basis of a good relationship to me, and bodes well for the happy-ish family life that's all any of us can hope for!

Bedroom size is always an issue with DC, blended or not. One solution, to take all the emotion around unfairness out of it - is simply to offer the one who doesn't get the big room extra pocket money, or some other form of compensation.

I’ve read all her posts and about their subsequent conversation. What I’m wondering about is how he justified it initially.

If his sole justification was ‘she wants it and I can’t say no to her, so everyone else must fall in line’ then that’s a bit mad (and not even a justification). If that’s actually what happened - particularly if OP’s reaction to it was anything other than incredulous refusal - then their relationship is hugely inequitable, regardless of whether or not his solution was intended to be temporary.

True! 😅

@ForZanyAquaViewer Well, if you’ve read OP’s posts you would have seen that she mentioned that her partner finds it difficult to say no to the stepdaughter and that said stepdaughter had chosen the larger room so naturally that would have been justification 😕. They’ve clearly since then had an open discussion and he’s changed his mind on the matter and there has been a mention of an extension so his initial solution was only meant to be temporary. I’m assuming those were his reasonings and he’s since then changed his mind which can only be a good thing and shows that he’s capable of reasonable discussions.

Could you convert the loft for one of your kids? Sounds like this house isn’t the right one for you and I’d be thinking hard about whether the man is right too.

I have read all of OP’s comments and I still want to know what his initial justification was. She doesn’t seem to have said.

@RanyaJerodung I don’t think people are reading all of OP’s posts and they’re just going by the initial post 😅.

She says all 4 are girls.

If you’ve read OP’s posts, she’s updated saying that her two youngest will be sharing the larger room which means that her stepdaughter will be in the smaller room. OP’s eldest daughter is presumably already allocated one of the smaller rooms as I am assuming that OP and her partner will be in the other large room.

You don't seem to have mentioned the sex of yr children. If the youngest 2 are boys they should be able to share. If they're girls then they could share I suppose, but I know from experience that it's not ideal!

Definitely allocate a smaller room to his 'single occupancy' daughter! No one in their right mind would put one DC in a larger room and two in a smaller room to share! Totally bonkers!!
Give his DC the smaller room but by all means let her put her own stamp on it - within reason of course.

Ask him why he was so disrespectful to you as to promise her anything which impacts the rest of the family without consulting you.

No way ! The kids who share get the biggest room in the house . We moved not long ago and my step son got the smallest room in the house . He only spends holidays with us and he completely got it .
to be honest I think making your children share when she doesn’t live there is already a lot of giving away . I wouldn’t do it .

So the two youngest girls who will be sharing get the biggest room. Then your 21 year old and your step-daughter get a smaller room each.
Is this a sign though that he expects his child to come first and get her own way in everything? Something to think about. Yes, he needs to look after her interests, but it needs to be within a context of fairness and consideration of everyone's needs.
With regards her being hard work at times, have you only known her since she was at secondary school/puberty-related years? I think all teenagers are jolly hard work at some stage. It's harder if she sees you as replacing her mum or taking her dad away (both of which may be completely unfounded).
It sounds as though the question of who gets which room is perhaps raising other questions. I'd be putting a halt on buying the home until you've got these resolved. It's a big financial commitment and not easy to undo once you've got as far as exchange of contracts etc.

Do you need to extend? What are the plans for they 21 year old as they could possibly move away soon and every child then gets their own room. He might then want his daughter to have the biggest room but that wouldnt be far either as she doesnt live with you full time. His daughter does need her own room when she stays with you, no-one should suggest she shares.

I would never have asked one of my children to leave home because there wasn't enough space for them. At 21 they were not high earners and were trying to save money. One was still at university.
I can't imagine saying "leave the family home because we need the bedroom" !