New house - who gets biggest room?

He is being ridiculous. He “won’t budge” well who made him the boss? Tell him it’s simply not happening.
I would be reconsidering buying a house with him to be honest. If he’s so inflexible and already putting your children’s needs below his own.

I too would consider pulling out if he is going to make 2 children sharing have a smaller room than his 1 child on her own. That is incredibly unfair and shows that he doesn't see your children as equals! Ridiculous.

Yes I most definitely would not be buying a house with this man and his attitude. Sorry. It’s blatantly obvious that the two sharing should have the largest room and the fact that he refuses to budge on this would worry me going forwards with this relationship. Also an indulged child such as his daughter will make your life (and your kids) hell.

Time to assert yourself and advocate for your kids.

You are completely right and he is wrong - obviously. As per pp I would be reconsidering the move to be quite honest, this won't end well - he doesn't get to make a unilateral decision when it doesn't make any sense other than to appease his DD.

Don't do it.
Him not budging will mean more difficulty with other things.
Your children need space and priority.

Visiting child has small bedroom.

The two sharing get the next biggest room. You shouldn't budge on that either. He will have to tell her 'no'. If she is an only child she presumably already has a reasonably sized bedroom elsewhere.

Why are you doing this to your children?

OP don’t do it. He’s already making completely unfair demands and prioritising his daughter that doesn’t live there full time and forcing yours to share a small room!!

I can tell you now (from experience I’ve been there) it will be an absolute shit show.

He’s giving you a very big clue that you are making a huge mistake.

If this is how he treats her, run now.

I wouldn't have a room fur her at all, she has a home elsewhere. She can bunk in with one of the others so they don't have to share all the time, just when she comes over. Or a sofabed downstairs

The children who live at the house have the bigger room! You can say you promised the bigger room to your children.

Maybe you need to show dh this thread.

Start as you mean to go on.

(or don’t buy this house)

Have to echo this and others.

Won't budge? OK then. I'm staying put in my own property where I make decisions on basis of my children.

If his DC never gets told no, that's already a big red flag.

I’d tell him that if your two youngest need to share a small bedroom, one of the downstairs rooms will need to be a permanent playroom / toy room. Bet he’ll change his mind then.

Of course YANBU!

Honestly though, if you aren't happy with her living in the same house as you, you shouldn't be moving in together, not until she is an adult. It's going to cause all sorts of issues and put an entirely preventable strain on your relationship.

I would be reconsidering your decision if he is being this idiotic.

Please don’t subject your children to what sounds like an unhappy home and a partner who is not considerate of their mother.

How could he possibly think this was OK?

I can sort of see his logic if you’re paying 50/50. He needs 1.5 rooms and you need 2.5 so he wants the big room to balance it. And his daughter is probably unhappy to have to share him with three other kids so he’s trying to appease her.

He’s still wrong though.

The two sharing get the bigger room.

Can you not buy a 5 bed?

If your kids live with you full time then they should have the three other rooms and his DD can share when she stays.

If he insists his daughter gets this room then I wouldn't be buying with him.

Well, it was bloody stupid of him to promise his daughter that!

A man who would expect my two children to share a smaller room while his daughter who isn't sharing a room gets the largest one isn't the sort of man I would want to be buying a house with.

Even if she lived with you full-time, there is no way I agree to her having the largest room whilst two other children share a smaller room.

She gets the smallest room of course - and if he won’t budge don’t not buy the house because it’s just a sign of things to come!

edited to add , this house doesn’t really sound big enough for all of you - are you sure it’s the right one? Do you kids share currently?

Keep your own house where your children remain the priority. Why you’d even consider buying a house with a man like this I do not know. Advocate for your children, if you don’t now and you go through with this in your terms, you’re all going to end up miserable

The bigger room should go the two who are sharing and living there full time. His DD gets one of the smaller rooms as does your older DC. This is fair and she needs to be told she is not getting the bigger room.

Regardless of how often she's there, the children who are sharing should get the biggest room obviously

That’s ridiculous. She doesn’t live with you full time. She gets the smallest room for when she’s there.

my ex h was in the sane situation when he re married. Ds was with him some weekends - of course he had the box room. All his stuff was at my house, he didn’t need lots of room at his dads.