New house - who gets biggest room?

He's ridiculous. Sharers have the largest of the DC bedrooms, the two singles have the two smaller bedrooms.

Be prepared for a slew of posts telling you its a human rights violation if each child doesn't have a private bedroom, en suite and their own boot room. In the real world children share bedrooms, often with more than one sibling.

I don't say this lightly, but I would think extremely hard about continuing with the purchase. An intransigence in the face of all logic and fairness in favour of his daughter doesn't bode well.

Plenty of children share bedrooms. It's perfectly fine. It's the allocation of space which is the issue here.

He won’t budge on this as he says he’s promised her this room because she wanted it. I will be honest his daughter rarely gets told no. I guess it’s the joy of being an only child.

It's definitely NOT the joy of being an only child. I became an old child after sibling died and was told 'no' all the fucking time. I wish people wouldn't make such silly, sweeping statements.

As for you, I agree with PP that you should rethink buying a house with this man. It doesn't bode well for how your kids are going to be treated in the future.

Little children yes but teens need their own space. If you’re going to have 4 kids you should be able to provide for them long term.
obviously needs must but in the OPs situation I would be looking to find a 5 bedroom at the same price or a 4 bed where a bedroom could be added.

I agree. You're going to have to put the brakes on this idea.

I guess he's wanting his child to feel like she belongs in a home where she could feel she is visiting another family. I would think your partner also wants to feel his family isn't side lined in the home. But practically children that share should have the biggest room and the others have smaller rooms but they don't have to share. I feel for his child in this situation but that doesn't mean I don't understand your worry too.

This has ‘disaster’ written all over it.

Aside from the fact that blending families rarely, if ever, works for the kids, it’s obvious that there is an unhealthy power imbalance in your relationship which will only get worse once you move in together.

If he can't see that the two children who are sharing should get a bigger room than one child who lives there part time then I wouldn't buy a house with him.

He won’t budge on this as he says he’s promised her this room because she wanted it.

If its a shared family home - then he can't just promise something to another family member without talking about it with you first.

What if you'd said that your two can have the other biggest bedroom and not budge on it - then what?

It won’t work
the child is hurting
dad is trying to protect her
yiur children get hurt

An "angreement" sounds like a portmanteau of angry and agreement 😄

Can you explain why this would have to be done during the day?

It shouldn’t even be a question. It goes on need. Those living there need more space. Those sharing obviously need more space as really they only get half the amount.
Regardless, with his attitude and how you describe his relationship with his daughter this is going to be a nightmare. If you can, pull out and consider it a lucky escape.

Don’t live together. If it’s not working now, it is a clear sign that it won’t have a happy ending.

Break up with him now as this clearly isn’t going to work out well and will cause you far more angst over time.

He will ALWAYS favour his daughter to the detriment of YOU and your daughters and this will lead to resentment and cause you a lot of drama when your daughters become teens and know they’re being treated unfairly and that their mum put her shag buddy before them.

You and your daughters deserve better!

Absolutely not. Unless it’s his house and he’s buying it, and paying all the mortgage payments. She absolutely should take the smallest room given she’s not there as much. The two sharing should get the biggest room.

You don't NEED a 5 bedroom house if you have 4 kids, it is absolutley okay for children to share bedrooms! 😅 (Especially if there is a larger bedroom that could accommodate 2 children!)

This argument is seriously flawed.

here’s a simple breakdown of how it should be considered:

in one household:

1 child gets their own room
and
2 children are sharing a room

who gets the bigger room?
obviously the children sharing should get the bigger room.

we aren’t talking about any other speculative situations. Just this one.

Little children tend to be downstairs though. As they want to be closer to you and you can supervise. Is there any playroom space on the ground floor?

Do you already live together?

Youre going to have to sit down together in the daytime, negotiate and respectfully thrash this out in advance as well as future scenarios (what if his DD wants to live with you as an adult? Stay over with boyfriends?) so you’re on the same page and agree on a compromise. Where do guests stay? What about sleepovers for the kids? And when your little ones become teens?

Write down your angreement, date, and sign it! If you can do this then you’ll have a much better chance of happiness blending your families in your new home.

But little kids don’t usually play in upstairs in their rooms at that age. You usually sacrifice part of the living room if you don’t have another room downstairs.

Those sharing get the largest room.

I completely agree with this. All children here should be treated like they are full members of the family.

If this was an unblended family the two sharing would get the biggest room, so that is what I think is a fair solution.

Can't believe there are posters here saying that she should not get a room at all!

How will this change in living situation improve your kids' lives? How will it improve your life? It will be much harder to change things after you have bought the house together and a lot harder for you to move out if things aren't working.

I’d be unimpressed if I were you. How’s the financing being done? I wonder if he’s paying the bulk then he feels entitled to lay claim on the biggest room for his child. This is a poor attitude as should be decided by need.