Different wedding invites for bridesmaids partner

I’m in the middle of planning a (small!) wedding and I think that’s really rude. Established partners should be invited imo. Having had a chat with a lot of my guests they all told us they would take it personally if their long term partner wasn’t invited. We had to adjust our guest list a lot to accommodate this because our guest list is only small.

Inviting him and sending him away is rude!

It is rude. He is a dp of 3 years, not 3 weeks. If you were married I would assume he would invited.
It is a shame she doesn’t want to meet and welcome him. This would make me question both the friendship, and the effort and costs you are absorbing.

How close are you?

I wouldn’t be going to such huge lengths unless you are really close and there is longevity.

I would leave dp at home, going to a wedding evening do isn’t going to be much fun knowing absolutely no one!’

I think this is really rude. And the fact she didn’t mention it, even more so. I’ve never heard of a BM’s partner only being invited to the evening - not a fan of ‘two tier’ invitations anyway. If I was him I wouldn’t be going. In this case, sounds like he’s not really into it anyway, so maybe no harm done there but her behaviour was still rude.

This is why we didn't bother with day/evening guests. All guests were invited to be part of the whole day, where they were fed and watered. This included a good friend's partner, he'd been my school friend for almost 20 years but we'd not yet met his partner of over a year by this point because he'd moved to Australia and that's where they met. There was no question we'd invite her too. DH and I have definitely been invited to weddings where we didn't know anyone else, we just made "day of" friends there after a few drinks! I still enjoyed those weddings and loved celebrating with the couple. If the issue from bride & groom's POV is they don't know OP's partner, why invite him at all?

I don’t think your friend has necessarily done anything wrong. She might have decided only to have people she and her partner know well for the whole thing due to cost which is fair enough. They may have stuck to this quite strictly for whatever reason but it might mean she has lost sight of the bigger picture in that you are a bridesmaid and for you it would’ve been nice for your partner to be there.
The invite might work for some people. For you it doesn’t and fair enough for your DP not to go. You can have a great time without him and to be honest he’d probably be spending a lot of money to be quite bored as he wouldn’t really know anyone.

The tradition of talking to a bridesmaid before the wedding?

If you're being kind enough to be my bridesmaid, then I think your partner should be invited to whole thing. Doesn't matter if I've met him or not, it's you that I care about and you'd likely want him there.
Very rude in my opinion.

Can't say as this would bother me. Like others say, it's quite nice to hang out at the hotel and spend the day relaxing before joining you for the party bit at night.

Think there's a bit of clinging rigidly to tradition here.

Exactly - this is the bit that I think is odd (And why I am wondering if it's more like one of those American weddings were you have about 20 bridesmaids and groomsmen).

A slightly different view, but what I think is rude is not discussing it with you beforehand and leaving you to find out on the invite.
My sisters came to my wedding and meal after, husbands and children to the evening party, but everyone knew the reasons for the decisions (financial) and the wedding was local so no harm done.
@SunnyheartI think I'd just go on my own if your DP isn't bothered, anyway.

Weddings really have gone a bit mad. I couldn't be bothered with all this - even when my husband was best man, and I didn't know the couple, I was invited. I spent the day on a table with a group of farmers and had a great time! An established couple should be invited together.

But who are they close to, if they aren't close enough to a bridesmaid to discuss this all before sending out invites?

I agree with this.

It's a bit odd yes, but there's nothing you can do. I would think if they can't afford to invite your partner all day, they can't afford the wedding they have chosen to have really, and I wouldn't think it's your place to feel uncomfortable for that. But all you can do is go along with it, and he can decide whether he wants to attend at all. I hate this sort of wrangling though so would just try to rise above.

They seem to have plenty of space in the evening.

Yes, you're commited now, but bear in mind how she treats you as couple.

It’s not ideal but if they don’t have space they don’t have space - you can’t expect them to sacrifice a seat at the actual ceremony for someone they’ve never met, instead of someone they’re close to, or a family member.

He should just not go - you’ll probably have a better time just with your mates

I don’t have an issue with not automatically giving plus ones (although I’d say a bridesmaid role merits a plus one, unless there are a lot of bridesmaids), but the half invited to the ceremony and then the evening do makes it a bit naff. In her defence, as a bridesmaid you don’t get much time with your other half UNTIL the evening do - so if you think you’ll be a bit lonely after the meal just swallow it down and get him to come. Id think it a bit off, but don’t cut off your nose to prove the point!

I think it's really odd to to feel close enough to somebody to invite them to be a bridesmaid, but to treat their partner of three years as an optional extra - but maybe it's the kind of wedding where there are lots of bridesmaids?

I can understand the need to save money - but then would have a simpler wedding that didn't involve bridesmaids.

Being a bridesmaid can be an expensive favour a B&G it think it’s poor of them not to invite him to everything

Being invited to celebrate a wedding together is not "being joined at the hip".

It's a lot of money for yur friend to fork out for someone she doesn't know, who won't know anyone else there. From his perspective, what's the point? Other than to watch you in the bridal parade.

I'm not trying to sounds nasty, I think she's probably tried to save herself some money and avoid making him feel awkward for hours when he could just chill.

Most blokes are happy reading sports on their phones for hours anyway 😅

I could see why you'd both feel put out if you were just a guest and having to stand alone but you're not.