Different wedding invites for bridesmaids partner

Very poor etiquette from the couple and I work in the industry.
I would decline to be bm and offer to attend evening as a couple.

Surely the reception is a follow on from the ceremony? Is there a reason why you'd invite people to your ceremony but not your reception? Sorry if I appear obtuse, but that's the bit I struggle to understand.

Because there just are different parts. There's a formal and legal ceremony and a meal. That is two separate bits any way round. Even if the ceremony and meal are in the same hotel they aren't one part. If the ceremony is in a church even more so.

Then an evening bit is another one. You nearly always have to clear the meal room and move to another.

So why not just have one part and everyone comes along? I think that's what I'm struggling to understand.

No we didn't.
We knew the partners/husbands of all but 1 Bridemaid and she was in a very new relationship so he wasn't invited.
Same with Groomsmen, if we knew their OH then they were invited but if not then no.
Our wedding, our choice and it wasn't a cost issue. We just wanted to spend the day with people we knew.
In fact our entire wedding was purely around what me and DH wanted, nobody elses opinion counted at all

Not really. That's just when the different bits start.

How many bridesmaid are there?

I would expect your DP to be invited, however it’s true he would be by himself during the wedding ‘breakfast’, so can see some logic - especially if they are trying to keep within a budget.

Why is he saying he doesn’t want to go? Why doesn’t he want to go to support you and witness you being a bridesmaid? It’s not all about him. Surely he can entertain himself for a few hours and get some food.

This.

You will be busy with the bridal party but your attention will be divided as he willnot know anyone.

Surely these days when people tend to live and work over a wide area of the world it can't be unknown for the bridal couple not to have met the partner of one of their friends.

No, it's weird having the gap in the middle!

I think it’s fine.
They don’t know him and if he really doesn’t know anyone else there, why invite him to sit at a table with randoms all afternoon.

I would have given you a heads up but that’s the only think that would bother me.

It's not cheap. It's just extending the evening invitation to the ceremony as well.

I think it must be cultural. I was raised to include everyone, and if you were invited to a wedding, you were invited. You weren't told what bits you were or weren't allowed to be part of.
I think it's why it seems strange to me.

In your case I think that the bride should have talked to you about only inviting you oh to the evening event. I don't think that she thought this true. She wants you there as a bridesmaid but it not worth the cost of having your oh their for the full day.
To be honest I think that she is being cheeky expecting you to be happy with this and still be a bridesmaid. I can see why your oh does not want to go.

Do you really want to be bridesmaid? Do you really want the cost of a hen weekend and all the bridesmaids will pay her cost that weekend? Then you spend the majority of the day helping her out and waiting for your oh to turn up to the evening part of the wedding? Would you be happy to spend that day on your own at the wedding? Would you know the other guests?

I think you should say to her that since I agreed to be your bridesmaid that I would have expected my oh to be invited to the full wedding. How no one else like her mother would have if X is bridesmaid you need to invite her oh for the full day.
Any couple I know would be getting help from parents in regards to the guest list and planning and in some case the parents might be helping them financially with this.

To be honest I would not be buying her an expensive wedding gift after this.

Why would he hang around in town centre or hang around a hotel room?

As I said upthread, I wouldn’t.

I didn’t invite family if I hadn’t seen them recently!

Absolutely nothing wrong with extra guests for the evening. Weird and cheap to invite for the ceremony, send them away and then invite them back. Even weirder to do this to one half of a couple 😆

You know the meaning of the word 'legitimate', right?

I usually find these split wedding invites grating, but in this case I’d be ok with the set up in your partner’s shoes. Why would he want to hang around watching people take photos and then listen to speeches about people he doesn’t know while sitting with strangers? I’d be much happier relaxing in the hotel room with room service and joining my partner for the evening do.

He could travel with you, attend the ceremony, then retire doe the rest of the day.
Pointless skipping the meal then rejoining for the piss up. No-one has time for a fractured day. Lord only knows why weddings have become such a palaver.

It wouldn’t bother me, I’d enjoy the peaceful interlude at the hotel more than the wedding meal to be honest. I don’t think YABU though, as I think your friend should’ve told you before. Personally, I’d go alone and take it as an opportunity to try out a long drive by yourself.

You're not wrong. I would never have such a big complicated wedding. But sadly there isn't much OP can say other than he won't be coming. I'd certainly hope she wouldn't drop out over it. But yeah, it's certainly not my style whatsoever.

It really isn't. Completely normal to have extra people in the evening. And then just a nice gesture to clarify they are welcome to the ceremony as well.

It's only a problem if you take invitations to be a demand on your time for which you should be recompensed rather than just what they are; an invitation you are free to accept or decline.

Does he know anyone else attending? You will surely be on top table so I'm not surprised they haven't invited him to full day if they haven't met and I wouldn't know who to sit him with either. He's probably best to stay home - surely even living a distance away if you and your friend are that close they would have had an opportunity to meet before now?

This ⬆️