Different wedding invites for bridesmaids partner

Leave him at home. Drive yourself get the experience. When happy couple are home from honeymoon invite them for dinner at yours or half way with you both. If bride swerves I would reassess the friendship.

Yes but the bride here has met the bridesmaid, obviously. That should suffice to get a longterm partner invited.

A variety of reasons I imagine. The BM was a childhood friend and now lives abroad or the bride and the BM met at university and live hundreds of miles apart, etc.

At DS's wedding one of the bride's cousins came from another continent with her now DH. DIL hadn't been able to attend her wedding due to exams. Should the cousin's DH not have been invited?

Oh my goodness! Imagine doing that?! So rude. I'm not surprised she stepped away from the friendship.

You’d met your brother though, presumably?

Yes it's rough handling by the bride. She should have phoned and explained her reasoning beforehand.

Is she covering all your BM expenses? If not I think I'd step down.

Friends of ours invited myself and my sister to a wedding once. Granted I was probably closer but even so - when we were excitedly making travel plans we realised we had different arrival times specified. Everyone but my sister was told midday, she was told 6pm. She was hurt and stepped away from the friendship.

It makes sense if you are having a local wedding and the evening guests are just neighbours and work colleagues turning up to toast the happy couple.

It gets weird when you are asking people to spend hundreds of pounds to travel for a buffet and a cash bar.

Then why haven't they met I'd they're that close, the DP and the bride&groom?

I’ve never heard of people being invited to the ceremony then to leave for a few hours then come back for the evening, that’s crazy to me. I’d say it’s normal for a full day invite or an evening reception. I would be a bit upset at my partner of 3 years not being invited for the full day if I was close enough to be a bridesmaid however if they haven’t met and he won’t know anyone else I’d understand him just coming to the evening reception. If I was him I’d miss the ceremony part and come for the evening. This is when your bridesmaid duties have pretty much been and you can enjoy the reception with him by your side

My brother got married a few months ago and literally nobody who attended from our side had met the bride except our mum. Should we all not have attended?

I find this whole British thing of day guests and the vending one’s daunting . If people are important to you you invite them for the whole day ! So yes I find it very bad they split partners , I even known if people splitting children and parents , it’s crazy

for a church wedding an invitation to the ceremony isn't required.

I’m aware of that - but a) that doesn’t mean nobody ever makes it explicit that evening guests are welcome to watch the ceremony and b) OP hasn’t said this is a church wedding.

I think if a friend is close enough to be a Bridesmaid, and the BM has been with her partner for three years, they should be invited.

I wouldn't be bothered going if I was him. I think weddings in general are pretty pointless for everyone except the immediate family but are a good time to catch up with family and friends you haven't seen for a while. He won't know a soul and obviously it would be great for him to be on the top table but realistically there's limited space so he'd end up on a table full of strangers. My brother got married a few months ago and I'd not even met the bride beforehand but I still enjoyed the day as it was good catching up with family I hadn't seen since the last family wedding.

That’s got nothing to do with inviting a bridesmaid’s partner you’ve never met though, has it? He’s not going to be sharing any grandchildren.

?

okay AI

They don't want him there and have invited him to the evening as a compromise, and he doesn't want to go. So may as well save them the money and just go on your own. Perhaps you can ask if someone else is coming from the same area as you? It must be a several hour trip if it's that expensive by train.

I think a wedding is the joining of two families. There will be shared grandchildren and the brokering of expectations arising from different upbringings.

@RosesAndHellebores sounds perfect 👌!

It's rude and selfish, shows how little they care about their 'guests'. If you're hosting an event it's polite to think about the people you're inviting and what they will enjoy, how to make them comfortable, and not just insist on the day being solely about you. Even if your partner doesn't go, you'll spend more money travelling and the room will likely cost the same whether he comes or not? It's shit of them.

@helldorado, for a church wedding an invitation to the ceremony isn't required.

DS got married a couple of years ago. Late afternoon church wedding, followed by a reception that extended into the early evening and afterwards there was music and dancing and drinks in the gardens.

Everyone who was invited was invited to the whole occasion. DS hadn't met some guests before, DIL hadn't met some guests before. Their friendship with the other prevailed.

I don't think it would have been a MNet style wedding. There were no favours, the Bride's shoulders were covered, the photos were swift, no video and nobody had to buy drinks. It wasn't outrageously expensive or a spectacle and they didn't ask for money.

Perfectly reasonable and normal.

I know my dh wouldn't want to go to a wedding where he hadn't even met the B&G, let alone anyone else, and to be on his own all day whilst I was doing bridesmaid duties.
You aren't going to be able to spend much time together, so I suspect he would rather not be at the wedding.
It is generous of them to invite him to the evening.

The bride should be ashamed of herself.

...and what about the groom?!

Neither should be ashamed of making a decision for themselves.

Why? Typically a bridesmaid sits at the top table - so even if the OP’s partner was invited for the full day, she wouldn’t really see anything of him until the evening do anyway.

I very much doubt the bride expects OP’s partner to come to the ceremony. It’s probably just a standard invitation for everyone not going to the main reception - people who live down the road might like to watch the ceremony and then go to the evening do later.