Different wedding invites for bridesmaids partner

So? He doesn’t have to go to the ceremony just because the offer’s there.

He HAS been invited to the evening do, so your “No” is incorrect.

No, he's been invited to the ceremony and the evening do. Not the reception. That's rude.

I’m not saying it’s abnormal. But not offering guests a plus one is equally normal - and if the plus one can’t even sit with the actual guest, what’s the point? That’s why he’s been invited to the evening do - so he can actually spend time with the OP.

It's really normal to attend a wedding as a plus 1.

Usually, in this situation the bridesmaid, her partner and the bride and groom would meet before the wedding.

@Sunnyheart , is the rest of the wedding also a mystery? Has she discussed what you are going to wear, when and where you are expected to arrive? Is there a hen party?

That’s quite a reach.

I’ve been to weddings where I only knew the couple getting married. It’s quite difficult, but I mingled and chatted. However, I wouldn’t want to do that when I didn’t even know the couple. What’s he supposed to chat to people about? His lovely memories of the bride and groom? When people ask “So how do you know Dick and Sally?”, won’t he feel a bit of a prat saying, “Oh, I’ve never clapped eyes on them - they just felt obliged to invite me because I go out with the bridesmaid”?

He is by proxy because he is the long term partner of the bridesmaid!

OP’s partner isn’t in their life long term, though. Or in their life at all.

Or when @Sunnyheart marries her boyfriend, she could just invite the bride, her friend.

If anybody is deflecting it's you lol. You were trying to "catch me out" by picking on a word in which the context I used it for meant one of its dictionary definitions. I was trying to bring it back to what I assumed was the reason you picked up on it, i.e. in relation to the OP, sorry I misunderstood the point of your post.

I find it ungracious. I'd say your partner is right to just decline -- too much faff and they won't miss people invited to just part of the wedding.

Exactly..that is a point of a wedding - for people who are InYour life long term to mingle and enjoy..you make friends
on the day!

The point is she has not spoken to poster about any of this despite her being a bridesmaid so she doesn’t know how anyone feels!

Yes, or even has the capacity to mingle and chat to people and generally enjoy the celebrations!

Yes absolutely! If it’s local it’s not as bad . We do t have them where I’m originally from so I always find it weird , we also don’t have a paid bar , guests are not supposed to pay for anything . Just a different way I guess . I do love other parts of weddings here like organised speeches , where I’m from anyone can do a speech .

Don't deflect - the convo was about the meaning of 'legitimate'.

Exactly..it’s like people have decided the partner can’t fend for himself and mix and get to know the family and support his bridesmaid partner on the day, which as far as I’m concerned is what happens..people get to know each other

I think it’s rude to just send the invite and not explain. If you’re a bridesmaid then you must have had plenty of opportunity for them to explain.

i would want to let my bridesmaid know the set up

also why on earth doesn’t she know your partner? Is she making a point?

Well I’d hope at least one of either the bride or groom had met someone they were inviting to their wedding.

The poster to whom I was responding was trying to suggest going to her brother’s wedding when she hadn’t met the bride was in the same league as a bridesmaid’s partner going when he hasn’t met either the bride or groom. Which is barmy, frankly.

As bridesmaid it could be that youd be seated on the top table - ie bride groom, parents of each, best man, etc. If your partner doesn't know many people there then likely he'd be sat away from you anyway? Particularly if they don't want a massive table.

Edit - yes, it does seem rude, but people sometimes follow a strange logic!

I don't know what courts have to do with someone inviting or not inviting their friends and long term partners to their wedding. If you want to use that as one of the criteria for inviting guests to your wedding, that's up to you. But it doesn't make their potentially 20+ year relationship less valid if they're not married.

Shame that the courts do not agree with your construction of 'legitimate'.

I never cease to be amazed at the preciousness of some people where weddings are concerned. If you think enough of someone to ask them to be a bridesmaid then of course you include their partner of three years, irrespective of whether or not you have met them personally! If I were OP I think I’d step away from bridesmaid duties.

Yes, do you? It doesn't only mean in the legal sense, and you know full well I meant it in this context to mean valid, reasonable and/or acceptable.

If you were just a guest, I could understand but seeing as you're a bridesmaid it is bonkers.

I would sit it out if I was your partner.
If you are happy to go alone, go, if not decline the invite too.