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Original poster

Different wedding invites for bridesmaids partner

236 replies

Sunnyheart · 29/03/2025 08:14

Hello all,

I wanted some opinions on this situation.

I am a bridesmaid for a friend this summer, and received the official invite to the wedding yesterday. When I went to respond on their wedding website, my partner and I had different tabs for our RSVP. I am listed as attending the whole day ( lunchtime ceremony, afternoon reception which includes sit down meal & speeches etc, and evening do) however my partner was listed as only attending the evening do. I messaged my friend to check this was right and in fact he is able to attend the ceremony ( which finishes at 1) and the evening do from 7pm.

Am I being unreasonable to find this strange ?
My partner and I totally understands costs etc and limits to numbers, but part of me does find this rude.

We will need to travel and stay over night in order to attend, and as the venues are slightly out in the sticks it would be logistically a pain for my partner to go back and forth between a hotel and the venues.

I will caveat by saying that my friend hasn't met my partner even though we have been together for 3 years, as my friend has lived across the country for years now. We are very much firm friends and we have known eachother since college, but not as close day to day as we once were and don't see eachother for months at a time.

My partner doesn't really want to attend which I totally understand , although I would love to have him there ofcourse ( and for selfish reasons it would be much more ideal as I don't feel comfortable driving the distance so it will be the cost of a train there and back , looking at close to £100)

Thank you all.

OP posts:
TennesseeStella · 29/03/2025 09:03

I think it's really nice of the couple to include someone they've never even met on the guest list for the evening do. But if that's not good enough for you and your DP he can stay at home.

Mydogisamassivetwat · 29/03/2025 08:53

If the wedding is a bit of a trip for a lot of people, she’ll be shooting herself in the foot for the evening do.

I had a friend do the same. People had 6 hours to kill post ceremony until the evening do. Many just decided to fuck it off after wandering around a town for hours, having to spend money on food and drink. A few had drinks and then just carried on and were having a good time where they were.

She was so upset, but so many people told her you either invite people to the whole day or just the evening. It amazes me that people get so wrapped up in thier own weddings that they can’t see no one else really gives a shit about it.

DappledThings · 29/03/2025 08:51

I've never understood the outrageous at these things. DH and I had an invite like this once. He went to the whole day. I had an afternoon chilling out in the hotel and joined him later. It was nice.

Jeschara · 29/03/2025 08:49

I think she should have Invited your partner for the whole day, you are a couple. I think she has been insensitive.

Anewuser · 29/03/2025 08:48

If it’s a traditional wedding, you’ll be on the top table so where do you think he’ll be sat? On a table with people he doesn’t know.

If I were your partner, I’d happily stay at the hotel until the evening do. Get a taxi there and enjoy the evening with you.

It makes no sense him going to the ceremony or sit down meal.

Coatsoff42 · 29/03/2025 08:48

I wouldn’t go if I was your partner, the happy couple don’t really want him there. It’s a bit off from your friend, I would just bear that in mind for the future and reassess your friendship a bit.

PurpleThistle7 · 29/03/2025 08:48

My husband would just skip it and I’d use some time to get more comfortable driving myself there as you’re staying over anyway. No point in him going and then just hanging around all afternoon unless he wants to

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 29/03/2025 08:48

Id say that's really not on. I don't think it's ever ok to give partners/spouses different invites to different bits of the day but especially if you're a bridesmaid.

And if I was your partner I wouldn't bother going

Deerrobin · 29/03/2025 08:48

I don’t think the bride and groom have done anything wrong in not inviting someone they haven’t met. Equally, no issue with him choosing not to go if he’d rather not attend on that basis.

Chuchoter · 29/03/2025 08:45

Just you go as it is a waste of time for him to go.

K8ate · 29/03/2025 08:44

If i was your partner, i wouldn’t bother going at all.
it may be the case that your partner and friend have never met but surely the ‘+1’ etiquette applies when you are such good friends especially as you have been together three years. It’s not as though you’ve only known him for three weeks!!!

Do him a favour and let him stay at home.

Keep the partner and ditch the friend…..

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