Different wedding invites for bridesmaids partner

Your friend isn't being rude at all. She's never met him. And we have no idea if you've ever mentioned anything about him to her that would rub her the wrong way. The fact that he doesnt want to go and meet some of the people important to you for the first time after 3 years should tell us a little something. Let this one slide.

If you’re close enough to the bride to be a bridesmaid, I can’t see how it’s impossible to have a good time without your partner there.

I stuck to my budget whilst also making sure that my guests actually had a good time. 🤷‍♂️

Not sure how it makes you a cheapskate to stick to your budget and "only" spend £20 000 on your wedding, rather than going on and on spending, on people you don't even know.

Nothing to do with the price of fish, but everything to do with the treatment of the bridesmaid.

I think people who don't give plus ones and only invite some people to parts of the day are cheapskates.

If she values you enough to ask you to be a bridesmaid, she should value you enough to invite your partner to the whole day.

My brother and I got invited to our cousin's wedding without our partners despite our own weddings being a few months away. We went and people just asked where they were!

Having said that, I genuinely can't remember if my chief bridesmaid's partner was at the wedding breakfast or not! Obviously she was on the top table with the Best Man but we had very limited numbers for the sit-down part. I hope we did include him. My other bridesmaid was single. It may be just a numbers game.

I waived that rule for my single bridesmaids. I said if they wanted to bring a new plus one that was fine by me right up until the day before. They were my bridesmaids because they matter to me, and how they enjoy my wedding mattered to me.

For my wedding we had a rule that we shouldn't be meeting anyone for the first time. I am not saying it's right just because we did that more than it's not unheard of. Your partner should be able to occupy himself for a few hours and can meet up with you in the evening. Weddings are so expensive and I can understand her reluctance to invite people she hasn't ever met but I really think it's thoughtful to include him. I was once invited to a wedding and my partner only invited to the evening and my friend explained it was because of costs and numbers, he didn't go and that was reasonable too.

This would be the best solution.

I wouldn’t have invited anyone I didn’t know to my wedding.

Weddings are tricky. I understand why they might not invite someone they’ve not met to all aspects of the day but equally, if you’re a bridesmaid it seems strange to leave him out. I think wedding planning can sometimes bring out the worst in people so if you value this friendship and don’t wish it to end over this then take it on the chin, even if it feels a little hurtful, and maybe go alone.

This. Or don't be bridesmaid and you both attend the evening do together.

Your husband hasn't been invited to a wedding that he doesn't want to go to, of someone he's never met. There's no point getting offended about this.

Quite possibly they will both be your life for many many years

But not met up even once in the last 3 years ?

I think it’s just rude not to invite a bridesmaids serious boyfriend, if someone is your bridesmaid they must be important to you, and in extension their partner too. Quite possibly they will both be your life for many many years

But not important enough for them to have met him even once in the last three years?

Well what’s that got to do with the price of fish?

But why would you be desperate for your partner to do this, just so you could see him at the evening do - that he was invited to anyway? Madness.

Where I live, you're either invited or not, noone is ever invited to only parts of the wedding so to me it seems pretty rude in any case, but in this situation I think I'd leave the partner at home. You will be busy with the bride the majority of the time so not spending time with him anyway, does he know anyone else going?

Unlike many MNers, I do like a wedding.
I like chatting to people. I will include people I've not met before. I love a dance. I am generally there to see someone I love marry someone they love.

However even I wouldn't want to go to the wedding of someone my dh used to know, if he were best man, where I didn't know anyone at all apart from dh.

As obviously I wouldn't be with him

• during the morning;
• the gathering before the ceremony
• after the ceremony
• during the photos
• or during the meal.

I'm amazed at all the people who think this would be enjoyable for OP's partner.
OP should just go on her own.

It really is very, very normal to not invite anyone you haven't even met to your wedding.

When we got married there were quite a few people we both hadn’t met, mostly partners of good friends/cousins we hadn’t seen for a while, one was my brothers new girlfriend who is now my SIL of many many years.

I think it’s just rude not to invite a bridesmaids serious boyfriend, if someone is your bridesmaid they must be important to you, and in extension their partner too. Quite possibly they will both be your life for many many years and why not be optimistic on this most romantic and optimistic of occasions?

unless of course the bride somehow knows the boyfriend is a huge pain in the backside, but even then you mostly suck it up for your beloved friend.

But that would be because either you didn't know the guest that well, or because you had had a conversation before hand. It's very odd to ask somebody to be a bridesmaid, but not have a conversation about their plans for the day.

Or 'oh, I live with Julie, who's one of the bridesmaids. Her and Sally go way back, they've been friends since college days.' Followed by something like 'don't they all look lovely?' Or something similar.

Sounds a bit more normal when it's spun that way, doesn't it?

Exactly as a start to getting to know each other. I presume you wouldn’t choose someone to be bridesmaid who you didn’t intend to be a life long friend

this is like cutting off chances. My best friend would be interested to meet my partner on her wedding day as he is part of my life..it would be lovely. The bride and groom usually circulate tables and talk and be introduced to people like partners. This just says “you don’t matter to me” - made much worse by not discussing it first and explaining

Precisely! They would meet before!