Is daughter getting enough calories?

Not sure why that link is shown as a 7, but if you click it it will take you to a useful short video

Hopefully this is nothing to worry about and it a phase. I'd keep an eye on her and hopefully things will resolve. But if not is it's best to get going with treatment promptly.

My own daughter who is recovering now could not have turned her eating behaviour around on her own, she was completely stuck, so noticing and starting family based treatment has been essential. Unfortunately @Bringbackjaspersthe reality of anorexia is that most people who develop it are
unable to recognise a problem, in fact this is one of the diagnostic criteria. And my own daughter did indeed tell me to fuck off, many many times during the first phase of treatment. At the same time her heart was in significant danger, she had a weekly and occasionally twice weekly ecg which showed us how much danger she was in, her heart rate slowed to dangerous levels in the early weeks and months. Would her dying in her sleep have been a better outcome than noticing she was not eating for you, as long as we didn't overstep?

@Mahanii there are a few useful things out there. I found this a helpful way of understanding this point 7 there are a few studies which look at this too.

There’s an eating disorders section on mumsnet - really suggest you look there. All talk about acting early to get the best outcome. If there’s not a problem then you lose nothing. But if there is try to address before it becomes entrenched. Which means go to GP but more importantly starting the treatment which is 3 meals and 3 snacks a day to a meal plan. If it is AN, resistance from your daughter will be immense. Hence jump on that thread as they can point you to resources to arm yourself with best strategies. eg the BEAT web site, Jenny Langley etc. My partner’s DD had 3 years of AN, in and out of hospital. Acting early can stop it really taking hold.

I'm not trying to minimise at all and obviously keep an eye on it, but it's most likely a phase. I remember similar phases as a 90/00s teen - in most cases they don't last because they're not maintainable and interest generally wanes.

I don't mean to be blasé about it, because it some cases it does become an eating disorder, but I also remember being very annoyed and dismissive of my out-of-touch and OTT (concerned) mum at the time. Sometimes it's just something they need to work out on their own.

No. It’s nowhere near enough - and more importantly, it’s not balanced or healthy.

She’s eating processed, high fat and carbs. Where are the fruits and veg?

I wouldn’t be half as concerned, if I were you or DH, if she had something healthy - but no fruit or veg (potatoes and one Brocolli barely count tbh) but cheese and cornetto and processed beans and butter?!

If dad is ND, have you considered DD might also be? Disordered eating often goes hand in hand with neurodiversity in girls.
I'm really interested in what @newlampshade said about not eating bringing a sense of calm - do you have any links you can share, I've googled and not found much.

I had a brush with disordered eating around 17-18 and this is ringing alarm bells for me, especially the slim person who suddenly looses 10-15 LB.

My first reaction to furtively tracking what a 17yo is eating was the same as yours. Until I actually READ the OPs posts and her very valid reasons to be concerned her child may have an eating disorder.
Not paying attention and getting her treatment in this case could be very dangerous or even fatal, would you also recommend a parent ignore signs of depression or self harm so as not to be a control freak? It needs to be handled sensitively but her parents absolutely have a responsibility to help and protect their child as long as they are able.

Getting her dad to log what she has eaten, down to the spoonful.

Tracking her eating.

She's 17.
Has she found out you are doing this and is trying to break away from your control. I can imagine what I would've done at 17 if my parents were monitoring what I ate. I would have gone batshit demonstrating just how hard they could fuck off, shortly before moving out.

This place is control freak food narc central. This post fits right in.

From your description I would be very worried about an eating disorder. Or at the least deliverate dieting/disordered eating which could easily slip that way IYSWIM.
I think you need to be very careful in how you approach dealing with it, if you confront her with it she will likely just hide it better. Hopefully someone out there will have good advice of the best ways to try and intervene though as I have no clue. But absolutely sympathise with your worries.

I would definitely be concerned and would be seeking help ASAP.

With everything you’ve shared on this thread, I would be very concerned. Speaking as an adult woman who has recovered from anorexia, the behaviours you’re describing ring big, big alarm bells for an early eating disorder. You’re not overreacting - trust your instinct that something is off with her. As you say, she wasn’t overweight, she didn’t need to lose anything, and she’s lost noticeable weight quickly and is making excuses. That along with other things you’ve said… red flags. The best outcomes with disordered eating / eating disorders come from early intervention. The longer someone struggles, the harder it is to recover. She’s blessed to have you and blessed that you noticed.

It does sound a bit concerning, and not enough calories for sure, puberty, school and height growth take lots of energy and calories. Teens should never really lose weight unless they are starting from an unhealthily overweight point.

My dd is recovering from anorexia and started off restricting eating or trying new 'clean' recipes, but it doesn't take a great deal of weight loss for anorexia to take hold.

Please don't believe the outdated myths that restricted eating is about controlling an aspect of life where there isn't control elsewhere. This is basically bollocks. Anorexia is a neurometabolic disorder and happens because of calorie deficit in people who have a genetic predisposition. Often people feel a sense of calm when they do not eat as starvation suppresses emotions.

It's very common for parents to come to a realisation that things are not quite right at different rates and times. I was worried for a few months before my dh finally got on board one day after we found breakfast flushed down the toilet. We told ourselves lots of stories about what was happening - she's eating healthy, she's doing more exercise as a mental health coping strategy, blah blah. it's really hard to admit something might be wrong, so keep the communication open with her dad if you can.

It could all be nothing, but if she does have an eating disorder the faster you start getting to grips with it the better outcomes.

It does sound a bit like she could be getting towards a bit disordered. The fact she used to love cooking and eating and now suddenly makes excuses not to.

I presume she's allowed to choose what she wants to eat, you say she sorts her own breakfast and lunch. But it didn't seem like she was eating breakfast with her dad?

I think to pressure her or try and force her would have the opposite of a positive affect.

Do you know if there's anything else going on in her life that might be causing her anxiety etc?
Maybe if you approached it from that angle rather than saying she's not eating enough?

My daughter is the same age and her eating habits are terrible. She never eats breakfast and will quite often not eat anything at all til 3 or 4pm. However, she will happily cook herself things like pasta or order something in when she is hungry. I have worried about it in the past but she's a normal weight so I try to just leave her to it a bit.

It is nightmare fuel. I am often reporting videos where the video and comment sections are talking about ways to avoid detection from parents, how much they hate anyone who gets in the way of their goals, what those goals are (often they have the magic number of 40kg).

It is really, really scary reading the comments and how they are all egging each other on.

Another more insidious angle is the orthorexia content which disguises disordered eating as "clean" eating. It's much more clever but just as dangerous. They will eat "high bulk" and "clean" meals, but often it will be things like a huge amount of lettuce, or you have the raw/fruit ones.

With the ability now to photoshop their bodies in videos not just photos, you have content creators with almost impossibly perfect figures, promoting unsustainable diets whilst lying to their fans. Many have been caught out, looking nothing like their videos, but impressionable young girls and women are sucked in.

Would you say she was overweight to begin with?

I'm just wondering if she was, might she need help with a proper plan?