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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ban DP’s best friend from my house?

209 replies

LeonieJD · 28/03/2025 20:11

I’m just back from giving DP and his friend a lift into town.

This was the first time I’ve properly met him, and wow, I’m in disbelief.

They had a couple of drinks here before going out - DP’s friend was joking and asking how much I know about his ‘antics’ at Uni and in his 20’s.

Gentle ribbing turned into his friend referring to past partners as ‘whales’, saying they’d ’pull a pig’ for a laugh and then referring to one specific woman as a ‘paper bag job’ All WHILST I WAS SAT THERE!!

Then, as I reversed off the drive, I waved to a neighbour who was getting something from their car. DP’s friend tapped him on the shoulder and casually asked ‘is that the fit one with the arse?’ - he has never been to our house before so someone has clearly referenced her.

AIBU to say I never want to meet this pathetic ‘man’ again?

OP posts:
Namerequired · 29/03/2025 11:40

Show me your company and I’ll show you who you are! Your dp was and possibly is the same as his mate. This didn’t come out of nowhere.

MrsSkylerWhite · 29/03/2025 11:35

Beeinalily · Today 11:18

God almighty there's a lot of man hating on this thread!

Is there? Love the men in my life, because they’re not dickheads like OP’s partner’s friend (and her partner, to a lesser extent).

If you believe such behaviour is acceptable, you really need to reconsider your standards.

Beeinalily · 29/03/2025 11:18

God almighty there's a lot of man hating on this thread!

arethereanyleftatall · 29/03/2025 11:18

Of course he did op.

imagine if you are in the car with you, a friend, and your dp.

your friend says for everyone to hear something that you said which puts you in an awful light.

except you didn’t say it at all.

so you would say ‘what on Earth are you talking about? I never said that at all.’

wouldn’t you?

unless you did say it. Then you’d keep quiet, wait for your ‘friend’ to not be there, and then lie that you didn’t say it.

it is absolutely obvious.

MrsSkylerWhite · 29/03/2025 11:10

Pack his bags. Maybe the neighbour with the fit arse will take pity on him? (not).

nodramaplz · 29/03/2025 11:08

You do you.
Let him do him.
why let such an arse hole bother you?

Bumblebeestiltskin · 29/03/2025 11:07

LeonieJD · 29/03/2025 11:03

How is he a misogynist? He didn’t make the comments.

Show quote history

Are you serious? Or are you trying desperately to pull the wool over your own eyes?

Original poster
LeonieJD · 29/03/2025 11:03

arethereanyleftatall · 29/03/2025 11:00

It’s your choice completely to believe him over us op.

After all you know him and we don’t, right?

Except. There’s absolutely nothing in it for anyone on in this thread to tell you that he is also a misogynist. We gain absolutely nothing out of it. But there is everything in it for him to lie.

How is he a misogynist? He didn’t make the comments.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 29/03/2025 11:00

It’s your choice completely to believe him over us op.

After all you know him and we don’t, right?

Except. There’s absolutely nothing in it for anyone on in this thread to tell you that he is also a misogynist. We gain absolutely nothing out of it. But there is everything in it for him to lie.

SALaw · 29/03/2025 10:44

You call him his best friend in the heading?!

Podgeys1 · 29/03/2025 10:38

Despite your denial you ARE marrying someone EXACTLY like that.

Imbusytodaysorry · 29/03/2025 10:33

LeonieJD · 29/03/2025 10:03

I’ve posted since to clarify - his friend twisted his comments

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Of course he did …. Bless him

Swiftie1878 · 29/03/2025 10:11

LeonieJD · 28/03/2025 21:15

It is taking all my restraint not to text him now, but I wouldn’t be happy if he kicked off whilst I was on a night out.

Its a really hurtful comment given he knows I’ve had my challenges with body confidence in the past and he has never praised my ‘backside’ in that way before.

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Hmmm… I think you might be missing the point. Sorry.

ClairDeLaLune · 29/03/2025 10:11

LeonieJD · 29/03/2025 08:59

DP is mortified this morning - he has apologised profusely for his friend and feels they have drifted apart over the years but sees him ‘out of duty’.

It seems there was a large amount of poetic licence re. the neighbour comment. What that stems from is a group conversation on their Christmas night out around the different type of neighbours they all have (a couple of his friends have some real nightmare’s). DP just described ours as being elderly and quiet on one side and a young couple on the other - ‘a nice lad and pretty girl’. He didn’t describe her appearance beyond that.

Bless him - it seems his friend was just trying to stitch him up and DP won’t be in a rush to invite him back!

Oh sweet OP, how gullible you are

MarkingBad · 29/03/2025 10:09

@GreyCarpet

I worked for many years in all bar me male environments and they all participated in that kind of chat to some degree. The ones that seemed the quietest were often the loudest. Not saying they all were but when they get going all bets are off. Considering I was present they probably were tempering it a bit as well, on the occasions I couldn't be seen some of the "banter" was criminal.

Whether they mean it or not, most men do join in locker room chat, we fool ourselves that ours never do. The ones who care about your feelings stop it when they hear it in front of you though, this man didn't he just went sheepish.

TheGentleOpalMember · 29/03/2025 10:07

LeonieJD · 29/03/2025 10:03

I’ve posted since to clarify - his friend twisted his comments

Show quote history

his friend twisted his comments

Yeah, and I'm the Pope.

I feel truly sorry for you. You will be back on here in 2 years time, having had a kid and found him talking dirty to a woman in text. I feel sad that you don't have enough self esteem and self respect to put your self worth before having a man for the sake of having a man.

simpledeer · 29/03/2025 10:06

You’re um, very trusting aren’t you @LeonieJD ?

Good luck.

Original poster
LeonieJD · 29/03/2025 10:03

howshouldibehave · 29/03/2025 10:03

he has never been to our house before so someone has clearly referenced her.

Surely the only person that 'someone' can be is your boyfriend, @LeonieJD ?

Is that how he speaks about your neighbours? Does that change the way you feel about him?

I’ve posted since to clarify - his friend twisted his comments

OP posts:
howshouldibehave · 29/03/2025 10:03

he has never been to our house before so someone has clearly referenced her.

Surely the only person that 'someone' can be is your boyfriend, @LeonieJD ?

Is that how he speaks about your neighbours? Does that change the way you feel about him?

JessieLongleg · 29/03/2025 10:02

I would get rid of the boyfriend as will he spent his 20 abusing women and for sexual gratification. He seems nothing wrong with it as still talks to his friend similar about women you know!

Bumblebeestiltskin · 29/03/2025 10:01

LeonieJD · 29/03/2025 09:39

It’s unusual for DP to talk in that sort of way - heck, sometimes I wish he was a bit more direct in the bedroom! He says his friend added that detail to stitch him up and I believe him

I don't believe him in the slightest, but you'll be the one unhappy with a sleazy lying partner years down the line, not me, so it doesn't really matter what I think!

Sifflet · 29/03/2025 10:00

GreyCarpet · 29/03/2025 09:58

Look, it's actually possible that this bloke did embellish a story to try and provoke you. There are some arseholes who would do this.

But most men in your partner's position would have challenged it immediately because it would have been such a shock to hear it had that been the case. It's a weak man who would allow his 'best friend' (or barely casual acquaintance - whichever narrative you're now going with) to disrespect his partner in that way.

My partner works in an all male environment and is in a men only group chat with his friends.. He'd also never speak that way in front of me, but I'm not a fool. I can well imagine how he speaks when he's chatting with his mates. Some might not engage as fully as others but your partner is not sitting in silence when this friend makes these comments. If he were, the friendship would have died off long before you raised the subject. He's trying to appease you.

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I think that’s true that the OP’s partner sounds like a total sap. But I can’t say I’d be bothering with a partner who has a mode of male-only knuckle-dragging chat.

GreyCarpet · 29/03/2025 09:58

LeonieJD · 29/03/2025 09:39

It’s unusual for DP to talk in that sort of way - heck, sometimes I wish he was a bit more direct in the bedroom! He says his friend added that detail to stitch him up and I believe him

Look, it's actually possible that this bloke did embellish a story to try and provoke you. There are some arseholes who would do this.

But most men in your partner's position would have challenged it immediately because it would have been such a shock to hear it had that been the case. It's a weak man who would allow his 'best friend' (or barely casual acquaintance - whichever narrative you're now going with) to disrespect his partner in that way.

My partner works in an all male environment and is in a men only group chat with his friends.. He'd also never speak that way in front of me, but I'm not a fool. I can well imagine how he speaks when he's chatting with his mates. Some might not engage as fully as others but your partner is not sitting in silence when this friend makes these comments. If he were, the friendship would have died off long before you raised the subject. He's trying to appease you.

Sifflet · 29/03/2025 09:58

LeonieJD · 29/03/2025 08:59

DP is mortified this morning - he has apologised profusely for his friend and feels they have drifted apart over the years but sees him ‘out of duty’.

It seems there was a large amount of poetic licence re. the neighbour comment. What that stems from is a group conversation on their Christmas night out around the different type of neighbours they all have (a couple of his friends have some real nightmare’s). DP just described ours as being elderly and quiet on one side and a young couple on the other - ‘a nice lad and pretty girl’. He didn’t describe her appearance beyond that.

Bless him - it seems his friend was just trying to stitch him up and DP won’t be in a rush to invite him back!

And I am Marie of Roumania.

8misskitty8 · 29/03/2025 09:57

LeonieJD · 29/03/2025 09:24

They are not best friends - he sees him twice a year at most

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You said he was his best friend in your thread title and OP !
How long have you and dp been together ? Are any of his other friends like this ?
I would not be having this person round again and I would think very poorly of DP if he stays in contact with him.